


Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

by ShyBear



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Aliyah O'Brien, Charlotte Sullivan, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-01-04 05:52:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 72,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyBear/pseuds/ShyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a sequel to After All, it takes place six months to a year after Gail tells Holly she wants to spend the rest of their lives together. </p><p>Thanks for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been three long months since I had last seen Gail with only a few hints of progress and two precious brief notes scrawled out haste and passed back through Traci. The last one said simply, “Can’t wait to see you again!” that had been a month ago on bar napkin.

I placed my glasses on the desk, rubbed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on the DNA report in front of me. It was no use. It all came back like it was yesterday. Gail walking into the lab, placing coffee on my desk and kissing the top of my head, “I have good news and bad news…” She began.

The “good” news was that Gail and Dov had been chosen for a highly coveted undercover assignment. The “bad” news was that Gail had three hours to finish any personal business before disappearing with no contact for God knows how long. She had pulled me into her arms and begged me to wait for her. How could I say anything but “Yes, of course?”

Chris and I cemented a close friendship during the time of their absence. He liked to joke that having a lesbian wingman was better than being a police officer when it came to picking up women. We went to hockey games, arcades, and nightclubs together, to pass the time. I even got him to come dancing with me at a gay bar or two – and he always ended up going home with the only straight girls there, go figure. Going to the Penny was harder, as I always expected to see her swaggering through the door or sitting on her favorite bar stool. Although we never spoke of it, I think he knew just how much I missed her, and I knew how much he missed Dov, and her too. Three days after they left, he had invited me over to their place for pizza and video gaming, claiming the apartment was just too quiet without them. When it got to be late, he suggested I stay over in Gail’s room, if I didn’t think that was too creepy. I gratefully took comfort in her bed, falling asleep my face buried in her scent on her pillow. We'd been doing that now, off and on, ever since. On the night I beat him at Mortal Kombat he told me Gail was going to kill him for teaching me how to play, whenever she returned.

_Damn! This report is not going to write its self!_

I picked up my glasses, and looked up to find Detective Callahan entering my office.

“Excuse me Dr. Stewart,” He began with an earnest expression,

"Holly..." I interrupted.

"Ok then, Holly." He continued with a tiny quirk of his lips into a shy smile, that made him seem younger, earnest, almost apologetic, "This is about Gail. I need you to come with me.”

My heart threatened to stop right then and there.

“But I need to finish this report by tomorrow.” I protested weakly, all the while panicking.

“Don’t worry, I spoke with your supervisor, we have you covered. Now please follow me.” He turned and left the room.

"Of course." I stood up, praying my shaky legs would support me.

An unmarked black SUV was waiting, parked in the Cheif Medical Examiner's reserved spot. He grinned as he opened the door for me, and I was beginning to see why Gail liked him. Climbing into the passenger seat I turned to him “What’s happened?” I asked in as even a voice as I could manage.

“She’s ok, it looks worse than it is.” He shrugged noncommittally. “You look tired. Why don’t try to get some rest, we won’t be there for at least three hours. You can tip back your seat to make yourself comfortable, if you would like."

“Where are we going?” I asked, too much on edge to sleep.

“I can’t tell you that.” He replied, “I can only tell you that you are here because you have security clearance with the department and you are a doctor.”

“Great, just great!” I sighed, “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“We are temporarily joining this undercover op. I understand you've done this before in your previous position in Vancouver. The chief of detectives there speaks highly of you." He glanced sideways at me. I mearly nodded slightly, and didn't answer. “I will brief you when we get closer. As you know, try to keep anything you say as short and real as possible.”

The rest of the ride was quiet and I found myself dozing off in spite of my state of agitation. I awoke to the bumpiness of a dirt road and a million stars peaking through the tops of tall pines.

“Good, you’re awake.” He said, “When we get there, my name is Johnny Callahan, you are Dr. Susan Johnson. The real Dr.Johnson is in witness protection. You are doctor and my sometime girlfriend. You own, and run a clinic, off of Bloor, and I use you to take care of medical emergencies without attracting attention from the authorities. You will tell whoever is there that you will need to bring Gail to your clinic for further treatment. Her name is Candy, do not address her as Gail until we get her into the car. There is a medical bag in the back. Ok?”

“Ok.” I repeated

“Good!” Here we go!” Callahan pulled into the driveway of a trailer home behind a big blue pickup truck and an older mustang.

He got the bag out of the back, and strode up the walk with me trailing behind. The door opened, and Dov stepped out into the brisk spring night.

“Hey Johnny! You brought your lady doc?” He said shaking Luke’s hand.

“Yeah Dave, here she is.” He wrapped an arm around my waist. “Dave this is Dr. Susan Johnson, Suzie, this is Dave.”

“Um, hi!” I manage a smile, “What can I do for you?”

Dov stepped aside and motioned us into the trailer. Another man rose from the kitchen table to greet us. He was large and broad, with a salt and pepper crew cut and scars under his eyes, and on his hands like he had been a fighter. He made me think of a bear as he shambled forward to greet us. "Hey Johnny! Is your girl really a doc? Cuz she’s too pretty to be a doc!” He winked at me.

“Hey Sal, what’s up?” they shook hands and did that half hug tough guys do.

"You guys have a good ride?" Sal tilted his head, looking me up and down, "Can I get you anything? Fruit?" He reached for a bowl of peaches on the table behind him, "I think we got some of them fancy beers Dave here drinks in the fridge..."

Callahan shook his head, "Dave called and said you had a medical situation."

“What can I do for you?” I inquired while looking around for any sign of Gail.

Sal looked at his hands and shook his head. “Dave’s lady managed to get herself knocked up. We were hoping, cuz he's so fond of her, you could help us take care of it quietly. It would be a shame to have to 

I barely managed to stifle a sharp intake of breath and felt myself flush, my heart beating in my mouth.

“You don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Dov was looking at me sharply.

I shook my head.

“Look, “ Sal said, “She’s in the back. We had to teach her a lesson, so maybe you could help clean her up a little too.”

“Let me examine her, and I will let you know what I can do.” I offered

Dov opened the door at the back of the trailer and ushered me into a dark bedroom. The lump on the bed groaned and rolled over. He quietly closed the door behind him.

“Hey!” Gail’s hand snaked out from under the covers.

“Hey!” I sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly unable to stand. Her fingertips ghosting along the underside of my jaw created a giant boulder in my throat. I swallowed hard in an attempt to gain some small amount of control. All I wanted to do was kiss her, but that would be stupid. I heard Dov shift and lean on the door behind me.

“So Doc, what do you think?” He asked a little bit louder than necessary.

“I think I will need to take her back to my clinic for further evaluation and treatment.” I manage in an unsteady voice.

There came a knock on the door. Sal was standing there as it opened.

“Well?” he demanded

“I will need to take her back to my clinic for further evaluation and treatment.” I repeated firmly.

“I donno,” Sal stated looking me up and down, “Why can’t you take care of her here?”

“Look,” I said firmly, “If you want me to terminate the pregnancy I can’t do it here under these unsanitary conditions. I will need the equipment and medication I have at my clinic.”

He turned to Callahan “I thought you said she could take care of it!”

“Don’t worry, she’s cool.” Luke said calmly after a tense moment of silence. “If she says we need to go back to the clinic, we go back to the clinic. I mean Christ, Sal, it’s her clinic, no one else will be there!”

They glared at each other for a moment.

Dov cleared his throat, “Guys, guys…”He cut in, “Don’t forget we need her in one piece by the time Sanchez gets here, unless you can understand both Portuguese, Spanish and look good in that little red dress he likes...”

“Ok, ok, just get it done. But no hospitals!” Sal insisted, “Dave, she’s your lady, you go with her.”

“Sounds good!” Dov replied

He and Callahan helped Gail up and into the light of the kitchen. I was not ready to see the dried blood in her hair or the dark purple bruise on her cheek, or her left eye that was swollen almost shut as the helped her into the back seat of Luke’s car.  
The trip to the safe house was quiet. Dov and I switched places when we stopped for gas on the highway. Gail sighed and snuggled up against me gripping my hand like she might never let go. I was numb, but she was here, solid and real.

“I’m going to need to debrief the two of you before you can talk to anyone else” Luke stated as we pulled into the drive of what looked like a farm. “I’m sorry Holly, but I will need you to wait down stairs for a while. The kitchen is fully stocked, so just make yourself at home.”

“But Gail’s injuries..” I began to protest

She reached up and kissed me briefly for the first time, “Don’t worry about me. It looks worse than it is.” She tried to smile and ended up with a grimace, uncurled herself from my side and stretched. The three of them briskly got out of the car, collected duffel bags from the back and went inside. I followed slowly behind, my head still swimming from the contact of Gail’s lips.

I was sitting on a bench at the long wooden table in the farmhouse kitchen, staring into my coffee when Gail appeared in the doorway fresh from the shower. Even though she looked rough, the sight of her took my breath away. She was wearing dark navy sweatpants, and a hoodie, unzipped just enough to make me wonder if that was all she was wearing. She moved silently across the wood floor on bare feet to straddle the bench next to me, snugging her body close to mine.

“Hey.” She whispered into the crook of my neck, as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Gail.” I breathed out, scarcely believing she was here.

“Mmmm.” She nuzzled me behind the ear making it hard to think.

“Gail,” I repeated, “Are you really pregnant?”

She laughed softly, her breath on my neck causing all of the hairs on my body to stand at attention. “Not unless your sneaky, nerdy, science ways have perfected a method of long distance parthenogenesis. Though I have to say, the dream I had the other night when I found out I might see you, about you trying to knock me up was quite, um, real. Doctor.”

My heart beat faster, and I could feel myself flush with both the shame of having doubted her, and desire so strong I thought I might pass out. As I turned to face her, I found that I could no longer contain it. Our lips crashed together with searching tongues and savage teeth, my hand tangled deep in her damp hair, hers clutching at the collar of my shirt, her leg sneaking across my lap to give her center contact with my hip. I swung my leg over the bench while pulling her into my lap, suddenly in need of more contact as well, my other hand finding its way under her sweatshirt and spanning across the bare skin of her back. The world was on fire. Her hands were gripping either side of my face as we breathlessly pulled apart. She leaned her forehead against mine and whispered,

“I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I missed you,” I whispered back “more than I can say!”

I reached up to gently run my fingertips over the bruise on her face. “Tell me what happened.” I demanded.

Gail shrugged and got up abruptly. “Things are heating up.” She began, “It won’t be long before we finish this.”

I was watching her pace around the kitchen, weighing how much she should tell me. I was beginning to wonder how dangerous this assignment had become. She stopped to face me, her eyes burning into my soul.

“Dov and I got into a public fight about me being pregnant so we could disappear for a few days without suspicion.”

“Dov did this to you?” I asked incredulously, nearly tipping the bench over as I rose.

“Holly, it’s ok.” She said slowly, “He needed to prove himself to the guys, and we needed an excuse to get away for a few days."

I think I must have been looking at her like she had lost her mind.

“Besides,” She continued, “I had to promise Dov I wouldn’t retaliate by breaking his nose later.” She smirked

“That’s not funny Gail!”

“Listen, “ Gail went on quietly, “we have three days, can’t we just make the most of it?”

She stepped in close to me, hooking her fingers in my belt and pulling me closer, our hips barely touching.

“Gail I…”

She reached up, removed my glasses, placed them on the table, and turned to cup my face in her hands, stopping the words I could no longer remember from falling from my mouth.

“Please?”

The word breathed out against my lips, made me shiver. Her lips were on mine again, soft this time, full of need, and tenderness, and longing. I opened to her, breathing her in like oxygen. My hands found themselves once again running up the naked expanse of skin beneath her sweatshirt. Her tongue was brushing softly against mine, charging the atoms in the room with electricity that ran across our skin. When she moaned quietly into my mouth, we were no longer on solid ground, my knees giving way beneath me. She pulled away, breathless now, and took me by the hand.

“Come on Holly!” She whispered urgently

All I could do was nod and allow her to lead me through the old farmhouse, up a flight of stairs and into a small suite. In the center was a large four-poster bed covered in an old-fashioned blue and white wedding quilt and white pillows. She sat on the edge of the bed still holding my hand. I allowed her to draw me in to stand between her legs, silent and pliant, heart beating a staccato against my ribs. The fleeting thought, "This is ridiculous!" Darted across my overly stimulated brain as I felt my mouth go dry and my hands begin to sweat. I knew I was one hundred percent at her mercy, as she looked at me with a glint in her eye and her hands on the button of my slacks.

“Holly, I just love you so…” She breathed out

I answered by leaning over to kiss her again, a long slow kiss that built with intensity, all the while her fingers working at the buttons of my shirt. A kiss that was finally interrupted as she growled with frustration, pulled my shirt over my head and flung it into the corner of the room. Once I was free from the offending article, she sat on the edge of the bed, butting her head against my midriff like a big cat, rubbing her face across my belly, and breathing me in.

“God, I’ve missed you!” She breathed out, as she swiftly unzipped her hoodie.

“I know. Me too!” I replied in a hushed tone, as I tugged at the drawstring of her sweatpants.

She and pulled me on top of her, while wriggling out of them. With one smooth kick they were gone and we were lying there naked, pressed together. She turned and rolled on top of me, pinning me to the bed, knee expertly placed between my legs. I gasped, overwhelmed by the sensation of her incredibly soft, firm body rubbing against mine.

“Mmm, Hol,” she whispered breathlessly in my ear, “I just want to fuck you!”

I could have died right there. Our lips collide again. Her mouth opened, pushing tongue past teeth, and I was drowning in sensation, transported beyond myself. She pulled my leg up around her waist, fingers sliding between my legs, seeking my molten core. My body betrayed my desire as my hips rose and my legs spread wider with a mind of their own. As she entered into me, I muffled a cry into her shoulder. She pulled me up into a kiss, laughing softly into my mouth, her body and fingers driving me wild. Holding my gaze she inched lower, I heard myself moan and sigh as she took my left nipple in her mouth and began to suck hard. Gasping aloud, my body writhed with animalistic pleasure, pushing my breast into her mouth. Without breaking eye contact she smirked and then slid between my legs, tongue seeking, teasing, causing my eyes to close and my back to arch. I opened my eyes, my body on the edge of oblivion, to find her watching me intently. It was a connection so intimate and intense my world imploded with wave after wave that ripped open my chest and destroyed me completely.

Wrapped in her arms, I kissed her tenderly, my body still aglow. Attempting to snake my hand between her legs she caught my wrist, just as my fingertips brushed up against her soft curls and the evidence of her desire.

“Not yet.” She whispered, “I just want to hold you.” Her eyes held a look of open soft intimacy I had rarely seen before.

I smiled as I fell into those eyes. “Where did you come from, and what have you done with Gail?” I teased and kissed her tenderly.

She laughed softly, and looked shyly away for a moment. When she looked back her eyes were so intensely blue and trusting it took my breath away.

“I have only been thinking about you, and us, and this, every minute of the last three months.” She admitted softly leaning in to kiss me again. There was a tenderness in her kiss I don’t expect, it simply blew me away. The kiss deepened, and then there was only hunger, and need, and love.


	2. Love has no pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love has no pride when I call out your name  
> Love has no pride when there's no one left to blame  
> I'd give anything to see you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all of your reviews!
> 
> Please Comment!

Gail was gone. Disappeared, completely off the raider. Dov was missing too, but God help me, all I could think about was Gail! It had been twenty-seven days, five hours and seventeen minutes since we said our goodbyes at the safe house, and now twelve hours and thirty-six minutes since I had received a panicked call from Steve asking if Gail had tried to contact me. Once again I had dropped everything and run with shaking hands and a sinking feeling in my gut to Division fifteen, knowing that this time there would be no chance of Gail being there. It took me less than five minutes to make the ten minute drive.

Division fifteen was buzzing like a nest of angry hornets when I arrived. The aging patrolman barely blinked at me as I rushed past the front desk. Sam was standing in the middle of the bullpen, pointing with his cane and yelling at the Rookies to move faster. He waved at me and pointed to Frank’s office where a knot of people could be seen leaning over his desk. Just as I was mounting the stairs, a hand gripped my elbow from behind.

“Hey Holly! Hey, we’re going to find her. You know that, right?” Oliver was looking grim, but I was grateful for his presence just the same.

“Oliver, can you please tell me what’s going on? I mean, I know this is an undercover op, but it’s killing me…” I knew I was starting to ramble. I had better put a lid on it fast if I was going to get any information.

“Aw, come on Holly, you know I can’t do that…” He began

I gave him the kind of icy glare that would have made Gail proud.

“Come on Oliver..” I demanded. My face must have said it all because he shook his head and replied.

“Ok Holly, ok! Let me see what I can do.”

He sprinted up the stairs into Frank’s office and was back within minutes ushering me inside. As I entered, Frank gave me a curt little nod and Traci wrapped an arm around my waist.

“As we know,” Frank continued, “the GPS in Dov’s car was activated last night near London, but we lost the signal shortly after. It is believed that they may have been headed toward the border at Lasalle, but we have heard nothing from the border patrol or from our friends in the States.”

Frank paused and looked around.

“Victor Sanchez has been running guns, cocaine, and heroine out of Detroit for the past few years. He has tried to establish himself as a music promoter and entertainment mogul to legitimize his business. There must be people in his organization we can squeeze. Dig deep into your contacts! We don’t leave our people hanging! Does anybody have anything they would like to add?”

There was a shuffling of paperwork and feet.

“Ok! Let’s get back out there! And remember, report directly to me immediately if you discover anything at all, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you!”

 

* * *

 

_The sauna at the farm is stoked with wood as Gail adds another log or two to the firebox. Early morning mist rises from the fields beyond the hot tub and the stream. Gail is wearing only combat boots and a robe. She coaxed me out of bed with steaming mugs of coffee and the promise of a morning dip in the hot tub, which is apparently also heated from this wood-burning device._

_“Come on!” She demands, pulling me by the hand, “I’m freezing! And I thought you were into trying new things!”_

_There are pegs on the wall of the alcove just inside the door, and towels on a bench below. I can’t help but smile at her child-like enthusiasm. Gail can be a lot of things; she can be cynical, cold, or whiney at times, or flirty and sarcastic, she can even be sweet and thoughtful, but I love it when she is unabashedly enthusiastic and playful about something she thinks will be fun. I take a sip of my coffee and watch her over the rim of my cup. She turns from me and places her mug on the window ledge next to the door. She rotates back with wicked smile on her lips and a twinkle in her eye, her hands pulling suggestively on the sash of her robe. She undoes it slowly and lets it slide from her on to the floor. She steps forward and takes my mug from me, as she undoes the sash of my robe with her other hand. She peels it from my body, and hangs it on a peg on the wall._

_“What are you doing to me?” I smile and tease feeling the air suddenly holding a charge between us._

_“Nothing…” Her eyes widen with mock innocence. “Not yet, anyway.” She smirks and kicks off her boots._

_I laugh as she opens an inner door and leads me into the steam. Tiny droplets of water cling to each erect hair creating a halo of soft light on our skin. She steps into the warm fog, pulling me to her. Our bodies collide, our lips meet, the sensation is intoxicating._

Someone is calling my name. I don’t want to be anywhere but lost in this memory with Gail. There is a hand gently shaking my left shoulder and someone is definitely trying to get my attention. I awaken with my head resting on my arms, my body hunched over Gail’s desk. Ugh. I think my back is stuck this way. I manage to finally sit up. Chris is holding out a cup of coffee and looking concerned.

“Holly, Steve and Sam think they may have a line on them…” He begins.

I am suddenly fully awake, my attention darting to the white board behind the wall of glass and the growing crowd of officers.

I lurch to my feet. “Tell me what’s going on Chris!” I look at the clock. It’s been seventeen hours and forty-one minutes since I heard Gail was missing.

“Sam and Andy picked up one of Sanchez’s runners. They are interviewing him now. We also found the body of his head of security in the back of one of his recording studios, so you might want to get back to the morgue. I can drive, cuz I know Callahan will want someone to go with you.”

“Thanks Chris!” I say, sincerely glad it’s him going with me.

As we enter my lab, I feel all the blood drain from me and I know I’m going to be sick.

“What is it Holly? Geeze, are you ok?” Chris says awkwardly as I run and heave the contents of my stomach into the trashcan.

“That guy…that guy…” I finally manage to reply, looking pointedly at the autopsy table, “He was the one with Gail and Dov in the trailer…”

“What! Holly, are you sure?” Chris stares at me for a moment, his face becoming ashen as well.

“Yeah, that’s him. That’s Sal…” I say shaking my head and trying to regain some sense of equilibrium.

“Hang on, I gotta make a call…” I heard Chris say, just before there was a deafening noise and everything went black.


	3. Awake!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all of your reviews!
> 
> Please Comment!

“Come on Harry!” Hermione yells tossing him a broom, “They’re gaining on us!”   
“Expecto Patronum!” A giant stag bursts from the end of Harry’s wand, scattering the Dementors. He kicks off with a burst of speed, his reflexes honed by years of Quiddich. They have to reach the safety of the Hogwarts castle! Ron and Ginny are waiting for them there! They speed through the twisting streets of Hogsmede, a troop of Imperial Storm Troopers hot on their tail. They are almost there when they hear the unmistakable strains of the Death Star theme song…

My mouth is dry, my entire body hurts, and there it is again, louder this time and slightly tinny. I try to open my eyes but it’s like the surface of the ocean is still too far away. Damn! That must have been some crazy night at the Penny! I wish I could remember what we did. Note to self: never let Gail and Chris talk me into playing drinking games ever again! The Death Star theme song sounds again. I hear Gail groan and answer her phone, “Hello Mother. No. No, she’s not awake.” 

She is listening to a voice I can almost hear. She is obviously eating some kind of junk food in the bedroom. I can hear her crinkling the bag and munching. I don’t know why she’s doing that when we agreed to keep all of the cheese puff and potato chip crumbs to the kitchen and the couch! 

“No, I don’t care if hell freezes over, I’m not leaving.” She sighs, “I don’t care how bad you think it looks. Frank said I can finish writing the report on my laptop, it’s not like they don’t know where I am.”

Why is Gail talking so loud when she knows I’m trying to sleep? Can’t she take her phone and her junk food into the other room? I realize I don’t even know if we are at her place or mine. 

“Like you care…” I hear her say.

I try to roll over to tell her to tone it down, when I realize I can’t move. My whole body hurts. I really need a glass of water. I’m pissed off, and now I’m scared because I can’t even seem to be able to open my eyes… I let out a frustrated whimper.

“Listen Mother, I gotta go! Bye!” 

I hear the phone hit the bedside table with a clunk. I’m not sure I have ever heard Gail hang up on her mother that fast. 

Soft warm hands are touching my face.   
“Holly?” I hear her say in a barely audible voice. 

My head throbs, my throat is parched, and I desperately want to open my eyes! I whimper again as the tears of frustration begin to come. I don’t know why I’m being so darn emotional!

“Holly?” She kisses my forehead with lips so soft I can barely credit them. “Come on Holly! Please wake up!” She is pleading with me and I don’t know why, but it breaks my heart. 

“Come on Holly! I love you! Please wake up!” She begs again.

I feel her thumbs wiping away tears from my cheeks as her own tears join mine. I don’t know why she’s crying, but it makes me sad.   
I can do this! I gasp for air and open my eyes. Her face is just inches from my own. Her eyes are the grayish blue of the lake in winter and rimmed with red. Her messy blond hair falls around us like a curtain. When did it get to be so long?  
I lick my lips in a vein attempt to moisten them. 

“Gail…” I croak in a harsh whisper. She is gently holding my face and sobbing my name. She leans in to kiss me briefly. Hands are gripping her shoulders trying to pull her away. I don’t understand.

She whips around and snarls, “Fuck you Nurse Ratched! Can’t you see we need a minute!”

Where am I? Why am I in the hospital? I try to reach for Gail, but I realize my arms are strapped to the bed.

“Touch me again, and I will personally arrest you for assaulting a police officer!” I hear her snap. That’s my Gail!

“Officer Peck,” A young resident is addressing her now “Although I understand your attachment to Dr.Stewart, we need you to leave the room so we can assess her neurologically and get her cleaned up. ”

What do they mean assess her neurologically? This is starting to worry me.

“We will notify you once we have met with her parents, and they have consented to your visitation, and whatever necessary treatment plan we advise.”

Oh no! Gail is my family! And I’m not letting some wet-nosed resident make my medical decisions!

“No! She stays!” I manage to croak with an effort than makes me breathe harder. “Gail…? Water?”

“She can have some ice chips for now.” The woman Gail called Nurse Ratched says in a patronizing tone.

I watch Gail twitch and look like she is about to lose it. She takes a deep breath, narrows her eyes and smiles dangerously. “Ok, why don’t you go get us some.” Gail says slowly in a soft, deadly voice.

Nurse Ratched huffs and leaves the room. Gail sits on the edge of my bed and begins undoing the restraints on my arms, looking mutinously at the resident who won’t meet her razor sharp, icy blue eyes. She pours water from the ugly pink plastic pitcher into a plastic cup on the hospital bed table, and holds it carefully to my lips while cradling my head in the crook of her arm. I sip gratefully, taking care not to take too much in at once. She kisses me on the forehead, her eyes watching the room like an angry panther, daring anyone to challenge her. My stomach grumbles hungrily, and I wonder when was the last time I actually ate. 

“So, Miss. Peck,” The resident begins again, “I really do need to examine her and getting her cleaned up. Please respect her privacy and step outside.”

I reach out and grab Gail’s hand. I don’t know what’s happened, but I do know I want her here!

“First; that would be OFFICER Peck to you.” Gail states rather aggressively, “And second,” She lifts our hands with fingers entwined, “It looks like she wants me to stay, and I’m not going anywhere!” She looks back at me with a smile.  
I tighten my grip and nod my head as best I can.

Here are some things I know for sure. My name is Holly Stewart. I am thirty-four years old, and I am a forensic pathologist with the Toronto Police Forensic Sciences Department. I specialize in crime scene reconstruction and DNA evidence. I am in love with one of Toronto’s Finest, Officer Gail Peck. There seems to be something weird going on because she keeps looking at me like I’m about to disappear. I have no idea what day it is, or who the Prime Minister is now, or what my address is at work. I can’t tell you what I did last week, only that Gail and I have started looking for a place of our own, and the search has been educational, and exciting, as well as a little bit terrifying. My parents live in Vancouver now, but I grew up here. I have a younger sister named Laurel, and an older brother named Ash. Yes, I know, we are all named after trees. My mother is a botanist, get over it. Anyway, Gail has a brother Steve, who is a detective at Division Fifteen, where Gail works. He is dating her closest friend Traci, and Gail loves spending time with Traci’s eight year old son Leo. I’ve never wanted kids before, but somehow I know that Gail will make an excellent mother someday. Gail’s roommates Chris and Dov have become like family to her, and lately to me. Gail likes to say they put the fun into dysfunctional. As I tell this to the resident, I watch him taking notes with a funny expression on his face that I can’t place. I wonder what happened, and how long I’ve been out of it. All the while a small team of nurses are going about the business of removing my catheter, and the monitor wires, and the IVs from my arms. When they are done, Gail pushes them out of the room, gives me a sponge bath and changes me into real pajamas instead of a nasty hospital gown herself. In the end, I am almost too exhausted to speak.

“Gail..” I whisper and pat the bed next to me. It’s all I can do, but I want her close.

She sighs, kicks off her shoes and climbs onto the edge of the bed. She seems almost afraid to touch me. 

“Please get under the covers and just hold me.” I whisper with some effort.

She scoots closer on her back, and I wrap my arms around her ribs, resting my head on her chest. I know I’m going to have a million questions for her later, but right now as I drift off to sleep, this is as close to Heaven as I can imagine I am ever going to get.


	4. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THanks for all of your feedback! I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Please comment!

I was not there when the blast ripped through the forensics department, laying my friends low and sending shards of glass and metal and bone flying. I was still hiding, afraid to be lost, afraid to be found, and for that I will be forever guilty. When it all went down, I was still locked in the back of a refrigerated truck for almost two days with three cases of lettuce and about a hundred kilos of cocaine, just trying to stay alive. Lucky me. If I never see another salad again for as long as I live it will be too soon! I’m a Peck, and Pecks don’t run and hide! Or, so I’ve been told my whole life. If I had held my ground and died, would I have won approval then? The martyr cop? The unsung hero of little girls? I doubt it. My reputation already tarnished by my lack of success and stupidity of the past.

Undercover work and I never seem to get along. I mean, the last time I did this I was abducted by a serial killer, drugged, raped, strangled into unconsciousness – twice, and chained to a fucking table for days, and then zip-tied and thrown into the trunk of his cab like so much garbage. AND to top it all off Ross Perek stabs Jerry to death, but Jerry still manages to rescue me because he was awesome like that, leaving me with a lifetime of survivor’s guilt. Great. And years of therapy later, I’m still having nightmares… Just Great.

For almost four months, Dov and I had been working our way into the center of Sanchez’s organization by managing three of his nightclubs that catered to a European clientele. Clubs where the cocaine flowed as freely as the Champagne. We thought Sanchez was only dealing in drugs and guns. We couldn’t have been more wrong. When we got back from our much needed three-day furlough, we discovered he was also dealing in under-age girls for pain and pleasure. I don’t know who had been more shocked. Dov was stoic and grim. On the other hand, I have to admit, I kinda went ballistic. 

We were just about to make our bust when Katrina appeared. A twelve year girl old from Latvia, who looked like she could have been my daughter, ball-gagged and chained to the bed in our bedroom at the condo. A gift from Victor for Dov and me to share the note had said. I had been flirting with Victor Sanchez, insinuating that Dov and I liked it rough and wild. Dispose of her with Sal when you are done, the note had said. It made sick and see red all at the same time. Thank God she spoke some French, and I was learning German. This complicated things immeasurably. When it became clear that the department was willing to sacrifice the lives of these girls, in exchange for a nice clean bust, the quick recovery of more guns and drugs, and a nice public relations score, I was incredulous! Another time we were told. Dov and I took matters into our own hands. We broke into the downtown recording studio where we found Anya from Moscow, age fourteen, Maria from Prague, age twelve, and Lucia from Barcelona, age sixteen. Unfortunately, Sal and other three guys found us there too. We tried to talk our way out, but it was no use. He drew his weapon on Dov, and I had to shoot him. Dov turned and fired as he saw one of the other men pull a Glock from his belt. The girls screamed and ran. I managed to grab one as he grabbed the other two and headed for the stairs. He took the all of girls and ran up toward the roof, I ran down to the underground garage, slamming the door hard to create a diversion. I am told once he made it out onto the street, he stole a car and took the girls to the safe house after picking up Katrina at the library where we left her.

And so I was hiding when two sticks of dynamite exploded in the morgue. The catering truck was open. The men who were chasing me had called for back up. I was running out of options, I was running out of time. And so I hid in the corner of the refrigerator truck, under the blankets that I later learned were hiding the cocaine. I was there when the impact of the blast broke Chris’s right leg in three places and cracked four of his ribs. I was there when Holly was thrown head first into the wall. I was there when she suffered from a fractured skull and swelling of the brain, as if her brain wasn’t big enough to begin with. There is evidence that points to Sanchez bombing the morgue to destroy Sal’s body. Why? We don’t know. Chris and Holly had both been critically injured. I was not where they needed me. I had killed Sal. These were my crimes, and I would not be easily forgiven. Sure, both Holly and Chris are generous enough to overlook my absence, but I should have been here or dead instead of hiding.

The bust went down like clockwork. Sam and Oliver taking down Sanchez just as he was getting in his car to leave town and head back to the States. The drugs I was literally sitting on the cincher to our case. I was freezing and afraid to die when Andy opened the door to the truck. I swear, I have never been so happy to see anyone! Even her! Andy’s face went from joy, to sorrow, to fear, and back to joy so fast when she found me it was like watching a cartoon. 

In spite of the gross germy nature of hospitals, I have been here ever since I got back almost two weeks ago. Is it enough? I doubt it ever will be. I know I’ve been abusing my position as a police officer, but I don’t care. I hate hospitals, but I love Holly more. I discovered that there are really only two kinds of nurses, the good kind like Monique, who lets me use the shower, brings me coffee, and likes to chat about her kids when she has a second, and the bad kind who are ridged sticklers to the rules and are offended by my presence here. Suzanne, or Nurse Ratched, as I like to call her, is the worst! I think even my bleach disinfectant wipes annoy her. This afternoon, I’ve been sitting here watching Holly sleep instead of working on my final report to the International Commission on Human Trafficking. I am hoping to take a shower with her when she wakes up from her nap. Monique tells me for someone who just woke up from a coma yesterday, Holly is making excellent progress, and scolds me playfully not to even think about hanky-panky, as she calls it, for another month. All I can do is smile and be grateful that looks like Holly and Chris will be ok.


	5. The Road Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and Character development. Your Comments are most appreciated!

I am sitting up in a lounge chair by the window. This is huge! I have been conscious for the past six days and able to stay awake longer and do more each day. Today I managed to walk the seven steps to this chair by myself.

The Imperial March starts up on Gail’s phone just as Dov wheels Chris into the room, his leg in a giant cast. I watch her wave at the boys, frown at her phone, and hit the red button. 

“Oh my God! Chris! What happened to you?” I can’t help staring “And Dov… What is that thing on your face?”

I laugh, Dov with the mustache, sideburns and solpatch. Wow! Crazy! I can’t quite wrap my head around it.

Gail is laughing too, “Yeah, I know. It looks like a caterpillar is trying to eat Dov’s upper lip.”

Chris snorts. He is trying to keep a neutral face, but it isn’t working. “Yeah, but that pathetic little wisp of hair on his chin is the worst.”

“He grew that for our undercover in the club scene. But I think it’s got to go…” Gail snickers

“Hey! Chloe likes it!” He protests.

“And there you go..” Chris raises his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Oh my God. Don’t encourage him!” Gail moans

The three of them are like watching a finely tuned circus clown act, sometimes silly, sometimes dizzying, but never boring. Dov and Chris are like an old married couple with Gail thrown in to keep them on their toes. They make me smile.

“So Chris, really, what happened to you?” I ask again, feeling more nervous about this question than I should.

“You honestly don’t remember?” He is looking at me with an odd expression, halfway between alarm and concern.

“Uh, no.” I reply. They are all quietly looking at me now.

“What?” I demand.

The Imperial March starts up again. Gail looks annoyed and hits the off button on her phone.

Chris sighs. “You’re going to have to answer that sometime.”

“No I don’t.” Gail pouts

“You don’t really want her ambushing one of us to get to you again, do you?” Dov is looking worried

Gail sighs and turns her phone back on. “You’re only saying that because you don’t want to have to live your life under an alias forever.”

“So Holly,” Chris is looking at me intently now, “What exactly do you remember?”

This is the question that everyone has been avoiding ever since I woke up. Gail is looking at him like she has seen a ghost. What is up with that?

“Uuuhh… I don’t know…” And I didn’t. In truth, the simple acts of focusing on anything like eating, or bathing, or even keeping my eyes open for any length of time, is so overwhelming I haven’t really thought about it too much. My head is starting to hurt again. I rub my eyes behind my glasses.

“Don’t push her Chris!” Gail hisses, looking like she might fly at him across the room.

I reached out to rest my hand on her arm. I smile when she looks at me. She is so cute when she gets herself all worked up over nothing! I would never say that to her, but it always makes me smile. I see her eyes soften just a little, and it makes me smile more.

She sighs, “You’re killing me, Holly.” She murmurs.

Her phone lights up again. It’s the theme song from Superman this time.

“Just answer it.” I sigh and close my eyes.

“Hey Steve, are you calling to do Mother’s dirty work, or do you want something else?” I hear her pick up the call. “No, I don’t know when I will stop being an embarrassment to her and go back on active duty.” 

I open my eyes and watch the boys watching her pace around the room.

“Oh please!” She rolls her eyes, “Listen, if you really want to drop by, we could use some Chinese takeout.” 

Leave it to Gail to get Steve to buy us lunch.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that.” She looks up at me, “Traci sends her love.”

She paces some more, fidgeting with the end of her braid, “Yup. Ok. Yeah. YES! Bye!”

“Did he make you promise to call your mom?” Chris asks

“Uh huh.” She is still pacing.

“And are you…”

She stops and glares daggers at him. “Are you kidding me? What do you think? No!”

“Told ya!” Dov smirks.

Chris shrugs, rummages in the pocket of his shirt, and hands Dov a five.

I laugh, even though they are making me tired. I try to stifle a yawn. Dov shifts and says. “Hey, Chris and I will be going for a walk now. We’ll be back in about an hour. I hope Steve goes to the place with the good eggrolls…”

“Uh, yeah.” Chris says “See you Holly!” He nods at Gail, “Gail.” He reaches out and pulls her into an awkward hug.

She is watching them go as I yawn and say, “Gail, do you think you could help me back into bed?”

As she turns I see something flicker in her eyes, but then she smiles, “Oh Holly, I love it when you talk dirty to me!” She teases and tries to keep it light, but I know that look when I see it, however briefly.

My arms are around her neck as she helps to lift me from my seat. As I steady myself on my feat, her arms come up around my waist. I lean my head on her shoulder and breathe her in. She fidgets and starts to back out of our embrace. “Come on.” She begins to steer me toward the bed, one arm still wrapped around me. I sit and she helps me lift up my legs as she tucks me under the covers. She turns to go, but I pull her back. 

“Stay with me.” I scoot over to one side of the bed making room for her. Looking into her eyes, I know what my face must be saying.

“Holly, I…” She fidgets and looks at the floor.

“Stay with me.” I repeat. I reach out and tug at the bottom of her shirt. “Please?”

She looks up at me and the longing is back in her eyes. She sighs, kicks off her shoes and climbs into the bed. I can’t help myself, I lean over and kiss her. It’s something I have wanted to do all day.  
“Holly…” she looks away.

“Shhh…” I turn her face back to me and kiss her again, longer this time.

“You’re killing me, you know that right?” sighs into my mouth.

“I’ve missed you so much!” I whisper as I snuggle into her neck and feel myself begin to drift.

“You remember?” She asks quietly.

“Mmmm… not really, but some.” I close my eyes.

There is a knock on the door. I feel Gail’s body jump and then go ridged beneath me. Steve and Traci are standing in the doorway looking amused and slightly embarrassed. Something smells delicious! Gail is groggy and struggling to get up. Steve laughs, “It’s ok Gail! You can stay right there!” He places two large bags from Dragon Chef on the window ledge.

I reach down and work the controls on the bed so it sits us upright. Traci moves the table in our direction. Steve is dishing us out paper plates of fried rice, Hong Kong style noodles and some kind of crispy chicken when the boys reappear and start to fight over who gets the last eggroll.


	6. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly comes home from the hospital - more dream sequences, character development, fluff and just a little bit of smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love getting feedback, so please comment!

Data wakes up to find himself strapped to a table surrounded by the Borg. Hmmm… Interesting. He knows he is on the Enterprise in engineering, but it is all wrong. He watches with detached fascination as the Borg Queen descends and is clamped into her body. He never realized before what a sensual creature she really is. She approaches his prone form and begins to sing,

“How’d you do I, see you’ve met my, faithful handyman. He’s just a little brought down because, when you knocked, he thought you were the, candy man…”

It’s only then that Data looks down and realizes he is no longer in uniform…

 

I’m sure it is the sound of shuffling feet and the refrigerator door being opened that has woken me from my nap. The next thing that I am somewhat painfully aware of is the hard plastic of a joystick digging into my lower back. Why did I agree to stay here instead of at my own apartment? As I arch my back and roll away from the offending object I hear something crunch and crinkle under my head. I am sure if I dig under the nest of pillows and blankets I am resting on I will find a long forgotten, half eaten, bag of junk food.

Today I’m alone in Gail’s apartment, or was, catching up on my reading and my sleep. The real reason I’m here is because this apartment is not only home to Gail, and Chris, and Dov, but their living area is almost like the Division fifteen common room. Everyone, or so it seems, has a key and comes and goes, taking showers and eating meals, or hanging out on the couch watching TV, or playing video games between shifts. I know that it makes Gail feel better to know that chances are, at least three of her friends from the squad will drop by at different intervals during her shift and, in the process, check on me. The couch is a massive, lumpy, leather affair that Chris and Dov found in an ally one night on patrol, and dragged home in Chris’s truck after their shift. Warm afternoon sunlight is coming through the windows, but the apartment is cold. I pull the large blue afghan Chris made while he was in the hospital tighter around me. He has gone back to work too, sporting a metal brace on his injured leg. I’m not really ready to open my eyes in hopes of being able to drift off to sleep again. There is the sound of what I’m sure is beer being opened, and the feet shuffling towards the bathroom. The shower starts running, and I might just have another half an hour of undisturbed rest.

It’s funny the way the mind works. I can still remember the name of every bone in the human body, but it took me three weeks of frustration and anger to remember how to tie my shoes. I know that Gail likes to drink her coffee with just a bit of milk, and her tea, earl grey, with more sugar and cream than anyone should be allowed, but I can’t for the life of me remember what I ate for breakfast, or where I left my book, or my keys half the time. The doctors say that I’m improving, but my impatient consternation about what I still can’t do is multiplying by the day. Because I am still at risk of having a stroke or a seizure, I am still not allowed to drive, or run, or engage in sexual activity. In-fact I am supposed to keep all strenuous activity limited to less than an hour every day. While I find even riding in a car somewhat overwhelming, my body craves exercise, the satisfying pull on pelvis, and abs, and thighs when I hit my stride that makes me feel like I could run forever, the deep intake of fresh clean air, and the headspace running brings that nothing can replace. And then there are days when I am so damn horny I just want to scream. Ok, there are days, when I am alone, that I do scream, and cry. I’ve started doing Yoga in the morning with Gail, but it’s just not the same.

Things are getting better. In the beginning, I couldn’t even remember how to read. That came back quickly though. Within two weeks, with the help of my mom, I was back up to an eighth grade reading level. That, and my ability to write have all but returned to normal. There are still giant gaps in my memory that haunt the edges of my mind. The scent of wood smoke brought back the three days spent with Gail at the safe house farm with such force I cried. It was the last time we made love. The memory of that night returned with images, and sound, and tactile sensations, so clear I was undone. With that came more vague memories of Gail’s absence, her undercover assignment, and snippets about the case. There is something important I need to remember, but the harder I try, the more illusive it becomes. It’s right there, just out of reach, taunting me. I can only hope it comes back before it’s too late.

The water stops running, and several minutes later the shuffle of feet is back, along with the scent of some kind of tropical shampoo.

“Hey Holly! How are you feeling?” Chloe chirps at me from across the room.

I open my eyes and roll into a sitting position. Chloe is wearing a giant white terrycloth robe and fuzzy pink slippers, her hair wrapped in a towel.

“Uh hi! I’m good!” I smile and respond as briefly as possible.

“Great!” She replies happily, “You know, when I woke up from my coma last year, I was really confused at first, but then it was like I got a whole new lease on life…”

Gail is so right. Where did this girl come from, The Sound of Music? My eyes glaze over. I can see her lips moving as she gazes whimsically off into the distance, and gestures with the hand that is holding her beer. I am beginning to worry that she is going to spontaneously burst into song when I notice the time. And…saved by the bell!

“Gosh Chloe, I just saw the time and remembered that I promised to call my mom.” I grab my glasses from the coffee table and get up to make good my escape.

“Aw, that’s so sweet!” She muses as she sits down on the couch and flips on the Disney Channel. “Now why can’t Gail be more like that?”

Yup. And now I have to go.

Unlike Gail, I like my mom! I think Gail was both surprised and impressed when my parents dropped everything and rushed to my side the instant they found out I had been hurt. Gail got along well with them, much to her surprise, and to her greater surprise, they like her. My family is a bunch of do-gooding hippies who are out to save the world, as Gail likes to say. I swear my parents have done more for gay and lesbian youth since I came out, the summer after I graduated from High School, than anyone else I know. My father is a retired professor of mathematics, and my mother is a botanist. Together they founded Garden of Hope, a residential farm and school for displaced GLBT teens on Salt Spring Island, just a ferry ride away from Vancouver. My brother, Ash, works for Unicef digging wells and teaching permaculture in sub-Saharan Africa, and my sister Laurel is a performance artist in San Francisco with a burlesque cabaret act that is all about safe sex and the rights of women in the sex industry. I think Gail must have asked her about a billion stupid questions with the unselfconscious curiosity of a child when they met in my room at the hospital. Which, I am sure, amused Laurel to no end.

I am just about to retreat into Gail's room when the door opens. Gail and Dov stumble in, laughing so hard they are holding on to each other so as not to fall over. I realize they are both soaking wet and kind of muddy.

“Oh God!” Dov can barely gasp out “The look on his face when he realized the fountain he created was the water main…”

“Yeah,” Gail snorts, “But the best part was the little dog..”

The two of them dissolve into a fit of laughter. Gail is downright giddy.

“Hey!” I smile at them and raise my eyebrows, “You’re home early, and what’s so funny?”

“You know how we’ve all been assigned to the construction by the Arena, right?” Dov begins, a silly grin growing on his face, “So the guy digging with the large backhoe thing hits a water main, and next thing you know there is this giant fountain shooting out of the ground.”

“Did we mention that Us Festival tickets had just gone on sale?” Gail begins to laugh again.

“Oh yeah, so Us Festival tickets have just gone on sale when this happens, and all hell breaks loose! There is water, and mud, and wet people running everywhere.” Dov is excitedly gesturing with his hands. Chloe is smiling and watching him from the edge of her seat. “And this tiny little dog…”

“Chihuahua..” Gail interrupts

“Right. Chihuahua,” Dov continues, “jumps out of this old ladies bag and gets into the front seat of McNally’s cruiser, and it keeps growling and barking at her and it won’t let her back in to her car.”

“Oh my God! Really?” Chloe is looking at Dov with wide eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, it had to be like three pounds or less. And Andy has no idea what to do. So finally the old lady comes over and is like, Oh Officer just pick him up, he’s harmless. And so Andy goes to reach if it and it latches on to the sleeve of her shirt, and it won’t let go…”

“So, was Andy hurt?” I inquire cautiously

“Oh no,” Gail replies “It was just hanging from the fabric of her shirt by its nasty little teeth, with all of its stupid little legs flailing in the air.” She claws at the air in front of her with her fingers in demonstration.

“And then,” Dov cuts in again, “the old lady just comes over and scoops it back into her bag, and is like – Oh Pookey, you bad, bad dog..”

“Pookey?” I lift an eyebrow

“Pookey. Hey!” He yells as he notices Gail edging toward the bathroom, “I called first shower!” They scramble and dash, but Gail gets there first.

“Ha ha! Loser!" she taunts, and slams the door in his face.

Gail went back to work just over two weeks ago, and I have been spending a lot of time with Celery during the day. Celery and Oliver have been invaluable in helping me survive my traumatic brain injury, having dealt with one themselves last year. Oliver likes to drop by in the mornings with donuts and coffee, weather or not he is on duty. On one particularly hard day, a day when I couldn’t get my shoes tied, he sat me down waiving a jelly cruller in the air, and admitted, in a round about Oliver way, that he might still need Celery to help him tie his neckties, if he chose to wear one. Celery is so sweet, she insists on making me her herbal anti-anxiety tea free of charge, which I have found helps far more than any of the SSRI drugs I was on for a while.

 

* * *

 

I am sitting on the edge of Gail’s bed drinking my tea when Gail enters. Daylight filtering in through the window illuminates the room. She is wearing only light grey sweats and a Police Academy hoodie that is two sizes too large, her hair is still loose and damp. She hesitates as she sees me put down my mug. The memory of her, on that first night at the farm comes rushing back, inundating my senses.

“Hey.” She says softly

“Hey.” I repeat reaching for her hands to pull her closer. She is standing between my knees as I rest my head on her chest. My hands take on a life of their own, unzipping her sweatshirt to reveal her soft torso. I slide my hands under her sweatshirt, up the smooth skin of her back and lean in, pressing the softness of my cheek into her sternum.

“Holly,” She says quietly, her fingers digging into my shoulders as she tries to back away, “Do you think this is such a good idea?”

“Is what such a good idea?” I can hear her heart beating, its steady rhythm anchors me here.

“You know Holly,” She says, “This.”

“I dunno…” I press my lips to where my cheek has been. “You just feel so nice.” I murmur into her chest. I feel her shiver at the movement of my lips. I look up into her eyes. Gail looks like she’s trying not to cry. It surprises me.

“Oh, babe…” I sigh, “don’t be so sad. Come here!” I pull her down to me so that she is sitting in my left leg. Her forearms rest loosely on my shoulders. I lean in to kiss her, but she pulls slightly away.

“Holly…don’t…” she whispers

I kiss her neck just below her right ear instead. She lets out a sigh that sounds like a suppressed moan. “Don’t what?” I whisper in her ear. My right hand is resting on the soft fabric covering her inner thigh. I tug gently at the drawstring of her pants.

“We can’t… I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you…” She whispers

“You won’t…” I can’t help myself anymore. I need to touch her. I slip my hand inside her pants and touch the wet heat I knew would be there. She breathes in sharply as her whole body convulses at my touch. I know I’m going to win. I feel her legs part incrementally. I slip one finger slowly inside of her. She moans and kisses me hard.

“Holly… I…” She whispers in a low hushed tone, breathing hard.

“Ssshhh…” I move my hand faster now. I know it’s not going to take much. She is so beautiful with her head thrown back and her eyes shut. We breathe the same air, foreheads touching. She bites her lip and tries not to cry out as she cums, her body starts to shake uncontrollably, silent tears roll down her cheeks. I slowly remove my hand as she opens her eyes. I can’t help myself. Without breaking eye contact, I raise my hand to my mouth and lick her slowly off of my fingers. Her eyes widen and her whole body convulses again.

“You are so bad…” She laughs softly.

I lean my forehead in to rest against hers once more, and smile. Mission accomplished. “You’re welcome.” I breathe out.

We crawl onto the bed and hold each other close. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.” I say as I kiss her again softly, trying to get my raging hormones under control.

“I’ve missed us too.” She admits, pulling me even closer. Her hand slides up under my shirt and caresses my lower back. I let myself get lost in the sensation as her fingers trace mindless patterns on my skin. I close my eyes and hear myself practically purr. This may not be everything, but right now, it’s enough.


	7. Gone Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Dov go back undercover. Holly goes to visit her sister in San Francisco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments and suggestions! Please keep them coming!

The playful warmth of spring had melted into the languid heat of summer, bright colorful flowers turning to dark green vegetative growth, fruit beginning to ripen on the vine, but I have barely noticed. I had been back to work for just a few short weeks when they had gone again. This time, Dov and Gail disappearing under cover so deep, not even Luke knew where to find them.

The bodies of young girls having been tortured during sex were beginning to turn up more often. Killed carefully as to make it look like suicide. But I knew better. The dead have no voices, and for that I am grateful. They could only taunt me with doubt and nag me with fear as they silently told stories of violent ends. Where I once had seen the lives laid out before me as intriguing puzzles to be solved, apprehension made me hesitate before entering my lab, lest I find Gail or Dov on my table. My work became a growing obsession between my need to slay each moment without a whisper of her in it, and the fear that clenched my throat shut against uttering the words that might breathe life into my nightmares. My vigil grew more silent with each passing day, until I discovered that I had no desire to speak at all unless it was necessary. At first I took refuge in her bed as I had before, but as time passed, I could no longer bear to watch the deepening lines on Chris’s face. We never spoke anymore, or hung out, afraid to see in each other the dread both of us were desperately trying to deny as the days lengthened to weeks, and weeks to months. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the beach or the park where I used to love to run. I missed her like an amputee misses the detached limb, feeling the phantom pain of her ghost as I looked up suddenly from my work, expecting to find her standing in my doorway, or listening for her keys in my door at night.

The International Commission on Human Trafficking working in conjunction with the Toronto Police Force and a variety of other international agencies had recruited Gail and Dov. The combination of Gail’s language skills and Dov’s ability to just blend, along with their knowledge of the inner workings of Sanchez’s organization made them the perfect fit. Right now, they could literally be anywhere in the world. I was there when she took the call. We had just finished dinner and were getting ready to spend an evening of video gaming and beer with the boys. I knew by the way she held her shoulders and the set of her jaw what it was before she said a word , and that I couldn’t keep her, no matter how much I needed her. The thought of teenage girls from Eastern Europe being bought and sold to be broken by pedophiles made Gail rage white hot and ice cold. They left at five o clock the next morning.

My phone rings.

Ugh. I must have fallen asleep at my desk again. Crap! I didn’t even take my glasses off. What time is it anyway? The morgue is silent and still. My phone sounds again, and I answer it without looking to see who it is.

“Hello, this is Dr. Stewart..”

“It’s three o clock in the morning, your time, Holly! Don’t tell me you fell asleep at your desk. Again.”

I sigh into my phone, “Hey Laurel, what’s up? How was your show?” I stifle a yawn.

“I’m sending you a plane ticket.” My sister responds.

“What? No!”

“Yes!” She replies, “I know you are pulling all kinds of crazy overtime and have a number of comp days you can take, so you are coming out for a long weekend.”

“I came out years ago.” My attempt at a weak joke falling flat.

“Very funny Hol.” She retorts. I can hear the smirk in her voice as she says it though. “Come on! You’ve always said you want to see San Francisco. Besides, look at you! You’re a mess! I can show you the city, we can do the tourist thing, we can do the gay thing, Heck, I can even get you laid…”

“LAUREL!” I exclaim. She laughs. Laurel is straight, well mostly, but oh so sex-positive. She loves it when she thinks she can shock me.

“Oh come on! The girls have seen your picture. They think you’re smokin’!” The smirk in her voice is back.

I’ve seen pictures of the women in her burlesque troupe too. If I were single… “I could never do that to Gail.” I say and hear my voice soften and almost break at the mention of her name.

“She’s going to be ok.” Laurel tries to sound reassuring, “Listen, we can take a few days and drink our way through wine country, ok?”

“Ok.” I hear myself concede. She could be right. It might be good to get away for a few days.

“Cool!” Laurel replies, “I’ll see you in three weeks!”

 

* * *

 

I am sitting on the deck overlooking the garden at Wildside West, a neighborhood lesbian bar in the Burnal Heights neighborhood of San Francisco, drinking a tasty craft beer. While a storm still rages in my head, I am feeling much more relaxed than I have in a long time. Laurel and her boy toy are late, per usual, but I am enjoying some time by myself. I’ve been drinking beer and people watching for about an hour now.

I watch a couple climbing the stairs, smoking a joint, and giggling to each other. The man is rail thin and tall, showing of two full sleeves of tattoos that continue under his white tank top. He head is fully shaved and he would be attractive if not for something shifty about his eyes. He says something to her in French about their flight to Tokyo. He has a thick Parisian accent and I wish my French were better, not that I should be eavesdropping. I can tell that she is beautiful, even though I can’t see her face. Everything about her says sex and style, from her form-fitting, short, red dress, to her well cut dark inverted bob. She has one arm wrapped around his waist and her other hand is clutching the front of his shirt. She mumbles something into his chest in response, obviously stoned. As they reach the top of the stairs she looks up. A jolt of shock and surprise courses through me, as her sharp blue eyes meet mine and freeze for just an instant. My heart stops. Time stands still. Gail? I get up and franticly follow them inside, but they are gone.

The bar is dark inside. Something for which I am grateful as I sag onto a barstool. The bartender is a butch, broad, woman with a crewcut. She sees my distress and comes over.

“Honey, are you ok?” She asks in a gravelly voice.

“Yeah, yeah,” I reply, my voice is trembling. I pick up my beer with a shaky hand and say “My mistake. Just someone I thought I knew…” I feel a tear slide down my face.

“It’s ok Hun, these things happen.” She hands me a bar napkin like it was nothing, and tops off my beer from the tap.

“Thanks!” I reply. I sigh heavily, and say “Can I leave my beer here while I go freshen up? I’m supposed to be meeting my sister and I don’t want her to see me like this!”

“Go ahead, take your time.” She smiles at me in a kindly way.

I just finish my splashing cold water on my face, and am standing, looking at myself in the mirror when the door bursts open. I am slammed against the wall as her lips crash into mine, her hands fisting in the collar of my shirt. Her body presses hungrily to me, her mouth is ravenous, her tongue insistent. I am in shock as my hands automatically go to her waist and my knees give way.

“Holly…” She whispers in my ear. She sucks in a giant gulp of air as she lets go of my shirt, spins on her expensive tall, black pumps and practically runs from the room.

What just happened? Gail? Gail! My head is on fire, my heart is pounding, beating at least a million miles per second. I follow just moments behind. I scan the bar. I rush out onto the street just in time to see her vanish into a waiting car.


	8. What I Must Do

_If you could only see the way that she loves me_

_Maybe you would understand Why I feel this way about our love_

_And what I must do If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says_

_When she says she loves me_

Tonic

 

It’s late. I know it is, but I knock again anyway, louder this time. I wait. His truck is here, I saw it in the lot, but maybe he is out. I’m just about to go when I hear the scuffle of feet and the sliding open of the lock. Chris stands in the doorway looking rumpled, wearing only boxer shorts. I realize he looks like a little boy when he wakes up, his face still puffy with sleep, his hair is standing out from his head at odd angles.

“Holly… hey…” he blinks at me with a puzzled expression. “Come in. Come in.” he stands aside to permit my entry.

We go into the kitchen and he busies himself with the coffee maker. I am so wound up, I can’t sit still, so I pace. “I saw her Chris! I saw her!” I finally blurt out, unable to contain it anymore.

He turns and looks at me, arms crossed over his chest. What is that I see in his eyes, pity? “Holly…” he begins in a soft gentle voice.

_Yeah, that was pity_.

“No Chris! I did!” I insist, cutting off whatever he was about to say.

“Ok…” He says slowly, “Listen Holly, would you mind if I went and put on a shirt or something?”

“No, no, go ahead.” I continue to pace.

He’s back in seconds wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. He leans, hands braced on the edge of the counter behind him. “So, Holly, you think you saw Gail in San Francisco?” He looks confused.

“I did! I did see her!” I insist, “And she kissed me too!”

“WHAT?” Chris looks shocked and pushes himself on to his feet. “Ok, maybe you had better start at the beginning.”

“So you know I was visiting my sister, Laurel, for a week.” I say.

He nods. “Have you even been home yet?” He asks.

“No. But just listen!” I take a page out of Gail’s book and smack him on the arm.

“Ow! Ok! Tell me.” He says rubbing his arm.

“Well I was people watching at this lesbian bar, well mostly lesbian bar, there are other people there too. Anyway, I see this couple coming up from the garden, they are speaking French, and I’m thinking wow, the woman is beautiful, in a classic nineteen forties way, and then she looks up, and it’s Gail! And she freezes for just a second and stumbles when she sees me…”

“Wait, wait…” Chris interrupts, “How come you didn’t know it was her when you first saw her?”

“Oh, well, she looks completely different!” I explain, “First of all, her hair is dark, almost black, and cut stylishly short. And she was wearing this crazy, little red dress with black pumps. A look that is so not our Gail. HOT, but just not the Gail we know. Expensive. You know.”

“Ok…” Chris says again, trying to wrap his head around it all. “And…?”

“And, I tried to look for them in the bar but they were gone.” I stop pacing and look at him.

“Wait, I thought you said she kissed you.” Chris looks confused again.

“Ok. Yeah. So then, I go into the restroom to try to pull myself together before Laurel shows up with her latest boy, and I forget to lock the door…” I close my eyes, suddenly flooded with the memory, “And Gail bursts in and kisses me for all she’s worth, and then she literally runs out and gets into a car.”

“Huh.” Chris says, clearly attempting to process all of this. “Did you see Dov too? Or just Gail?”

“No Chris. I’m sorry, it was just the two of them.” I say, looking into his worried eyes.

“Oh.” He looks at the floor for a minute “Well, that’s ok, Holly.” He looks back at me, “So, would you know this guy again if you saw him?”

“Yeah, why?” And then it dawns on me what he’s asking, “Oh! I mean, um yeah! And I got the license plate number of the car she got into too!”

“Great!” He smiles, and pushes himself upright. “Just let me put some clothes on, and I can meet you at the morgue in twenty.”

“Ok!” I agree. This is not what I expected, but I’m ok with that.

“Oh, do you want to call Steve, or should I?” He asks as I am almost out the door.

“Do you think that’s such a good idea?” I ask, wondering how Steve is going to react to our snooping into a very sensitive case involving Gail.

“You know Holly, if we don’t tell him, he’ll be pissed! I mean, I would be.” Chris replies. “Ya know, don’t worry. I’ll do it. Just, just go.”

* * *

 

It’s seven thirty in the morning, and we have been here for hours. Steve and Chris and I are all stuffed into my office, huddled around my computer running Gail’s mystery man’s description on InterPol, but I haven’t seen him yet. Brisk footsteps can be heard coming down the hall. They stop at my office door and we all look up to find Superintendant Elaine Peck standing in my doorway. She does not look pleased.

“Uh, hi Mom!” Steve says, standing up quickly.

“Don’t you hi mom me, young man!” She shoots him an icy glare, and I can see clearly where Gail gets it from.

“I need you to shut that off right now and come with me!” She commands.

“Wait.” I say, “How did you know what we were doing?” I enquire, a little more sharply than I had, perhaps, intended.

“Don’t be silly.” She is looking at me with an amused, superior smile, “I’ve been monitoring the three of you for months!”

“You, you WHAT?” I am incredulous! “You’ve been bugging my computer?”

“Of course.” She smiles again without humor or warmth, “How else was I going to catch you, when I knew that sooner or later you would do this?” The smile vanishes as quickly as it came. “Now come with me!” She orders and begins to march down the hall.

“Why do I feel like we’ve just been caught smoking behind the bleachers and we are getting sent to the Principal’s office?” I grumble

“Because we are.” Steve sighs.

After a tense and silent ride in the back seat of her car, Superintendent Peck marches us through the Toronto Police headquarters like a pack of naughty children, up the elevator, and directly into her office.

"Have a seat!” she points to a bench on the far wall of her office.

She sits down at her desk and immediately begins typing something at her computer. The room is silent. Forty-seven minutes later, she looks up at us.

“Oh my goodness!” She says, looking at her watch, “I had no idea it was getting to be so late!” She stands up and comes around her desk, spinning her monitor to face us as she goes.

There appear to be a number of open documents and browsers. “If you will excuse me, I have a meeting to go to. It might just take all day, but I expect you all to be here when I return. If you need anything, Lois, my assistant, will be bringing you lunch around noon.” She leaves the room, closing and locking the door behind her.

Steve is the first to move. He stands up and makes his way over to an elaborate display case on the wall to the left of her desk. When he turns back around, he is holding three glasses and crystal decanter full of brown liquid.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a drink!” He places them on her desk and pours. 

The scotch hits my throat like fire, lighting up my stomach, and illuminating my veins.

“Ok. Let’s do this!” Chris says, flipping to a virtual facial reconstruction and recognition software that I would kill to have access to at my lab.

By the time noon rolls around, we have compiled quite a bit of information on the Sanchez family’s movements, businesses and associates. It seems that there are a number of orphanages throughout the less affluent parts of Europe where young teens are being offered a life of fame and fortune through the Sanchez music industry business. There are some that go that route, some are adopted by wealthy families, both here and in the States, the rest simply disappear. The man I saw Gail with turns out to be Luc Dufort, a club promoter in Paris, Prague, Bangkok and Toronto. with a number of unsolved crimes for which he is a suspect.

Lunch arrives on a catering cart from the executive kitchen. There are more than enough fancy sandwiches, chips and cookies than we need. Steve helps himself to a chocolate chocolate-chip first, which makes me laugh, because that would be so Gail, if she were here. We are just beginning to track Dufort’s recent movements via some high tech satellite feed that I’m sure we don’t normally have access to, when the door opens. Superintendant Peck is back.

“So,” She practically croons, “How is it going? Do we have everything we need?”

“Well Ma’am, we seem to be making progress.” Chris says in a flat tone.

“Thank you Charlie, but I was asking my son, as ranking officer, of course.” She smiles dismissively at him.

“What about Holly?” Chris challenges, “I’m pretty sure her being a doctor and all, as well as her pay-scale out ranks us both.”

“Don’t be silly Charlie,” She snaps, “That woman is an outside consultant. Steven?”

Steve rolls his eyes, and gives a report of what we have discovered, so far. When he is done, Elaine packs everything we printed out so far into her bag, looks sternly at us all and says, “You have all been reassigned to me, for now. You will not speak of this to anyone outside of this room! Lock up when you are done for the night. I expect you to report back here first thing in the morning.

* * *

 

Time passes quickly, and then much too slow. We have been camped out around Gail’s mother’s desk, in her office suite for five days now. I am hunkered down in front of the second computer that appeared on the third day, willing it to process data faster. Chris is in the shower. Steve is lying on the bench, reading tour schedules and profit reports, his unfinished dinner on the floor beneath him, when the door bursts open and Elaine, as we have been asked to call her, pokes in her head looking smug. “I’m glad to see you are making such good progress!” She says with her cold, cold smile.

Sharks must smile like that at seals, I think to myself.

“I thought you might be able to use some help.” She smiles again.

She steps aside to open the door wider and reveal Dov standing there next to her. I leap from where I am crouching behind her desk and run to greet him. Steve gets up too, he extends a hand in greeting. Dov is looking rough. He is gaunt, and dirty, and his face looks like it’s been smashed by a baseball bat. Chris comes out of the bathroom wearing only his jeans, and freezes. He breaks into a giant smile and rushes to grab Dov by the shoulders.

“Hey Brother!” Chris greets him as they embrace.

“Where is Gail? I ask suddenly alarmed.

Dov sighs and slumps on the bench next to Steve. He holds his head in his hands for a moment, running his fingers nervously through his hair.

“I don’t know.” He sits up and looks around the room at all of us. “I don’t know.” He repeats as if trying to clear his head. “She and Luc were supposed to meet me at the recording studio two days ago, but they never showed.”

“What recording studio?” Steve asks, sharply

“The one here, behind Club Venus.” Dov replies

“Anyway, I spoke to her when they landed in San Francisco. They were coming back from Tokyo, and decided to stay in California for a few days before coming back here. Luc said something about meeting with a Hollywood producer… Shit! I can’t remember..”

“It’s ok, take your time and tell us what happened.” Steve said.

“Ok, ok,” Dov began, “So we found the adoption agency that was funneling the girls to Sanchez Entertainment. We were waiting for Gail and Luc to return from Bangkok and Tokyo to do the bust along with the FBI on the other side of the border. And then you know they didn’t show up when they were supposed to. I mean, there was this warehouse in London, and there must be at least one hundred girls who we saved from the kind of abuse… but, they’re gone… Gail’s disappeared“ He hung his head between his knees, exhausted.

I felt like someone had punched me hard. I looked over to see Steve’s face go white and Chris close his eyes.

Chris leaned over to grip Dov’s shoulder. “Do you need anything? Coffee? A shower? Food?”

Dov shook his head staring at the floor.

“We will find her! We will.” Chris continued, “You’re tired. I mean Christ! You look like hell! Why don’t you take a nap while we work, and then you can start telling us all of the places where you think she might be.”

There was nothing left to do, but hope, and go back to work.


	9. The Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your kudos and comments!

I'm out of touch  
I'm out of love  
I'll pick you up when you're getting down  
And out of all these things I've done  
I think I love you better now

 

Dov stepped aside and motioned us into the trailer. Another man rose from the kitchen table to greet us. He was large with a salt and pepper crew cut. He had scars under his eyes, and on his hands like he had been a fighter. “Hey Johnny!” He greeted Luke

“Hey Sal, what’s up?” they shook hands and did the half hug guys do.

Luke wrapped his arm around my waist while he made the introductions,  
“Sal, this is Dr. Susan Johnson, Suzie, this is Sal.”

Sal offered me a large meaty hand, there was a curious scar on his forearm, five jagged spheres in the shape of a V, almost as if tiny stars had branded it there. We shook hands “Is your girl really a doc, Johnny? Cuz she’s too pretty to be a doc!” He winked at me.

“What can I do for you?” I inquired while looking around for any sign of Gail.

Sal looked at his hands and shook his head. “Dave’s lady managed to get herself knocked up, so we were hoping you could help us take care of it quietly.”

I barely managed to stifle a sharp intake of breath and felt myself flush, my heart beating in my mouth.

“You don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Dov was looking at me sharply.

I shook my head.

“Look, “ Sal said, “She’s in the back. We had to teach her a lesson, so maybe you could help clean her up a little too.”

“Let me examine her, and I will let you know what I can do.” I offered

Dov opened the door at the back of the trailer and ushered me into a dark bedroom. I was suffocating in the inky, hot, blackness. I couldn’t breathe! Gail had to be here somewhere! She had to! I was franticly searching for her on all fours now. Where could she be? I was being sucked down into the impenetrable darkness, quicksand eroding beneath me, heaviness pulling me down. I heard Gail sobbing, I knew she was in labor, giving birth without assistance, I had to help her somehow…

* * *

 

My eyes flew open as I sat bolt upright with a gasp! Of course! I remember now! I knew what it was, and I knew where I had seen it before! The events of the night Luke and I had picked up Dov and Gail to go to the safe house, along with the moments before the blast had cracked my scull, came flooding back to me with such veracity, it could be right now. I shook my head and blinked, trying to clear my head of the visions swimming before my eyes in full Technicolor. Shit! I had to get back to the boys, and fast!

Over the past two days since Dov’s reappearance in our midst, I had managed to work myself into a state of complete exhaustion, determined to find Gail alive, and in one piece. I had refused to leave my research station at the main computer console, had barely eaten and spoke only when necessary. Several hours ago, Steve had found me, slumped over my keyboard, and gently carried me to the back room and tucked me into bed, scarcely waking me once.

“ I remember!” I exclaim as I burst into the room. “The Midas Society! That’s what it was!”

The three men look up from the map they are studying to stare at me as if I’d lost my mind.

“Holy conspiracy theories Batgirl!” Dov proclaims lifting one eyebrow skeptically at me. “Slow down.”

The other two stare blankly at us.

Dov turns to them and explains “The Midas Society was allegedly a secret society of wealthy men, who basically wanted to use their wealth and power to live a decedent lifestyle outside the law. It was formed during the gold rush by a group of five men, who had made millions on mining, prostitution, and liquor. It is said that in order to join, a man must be invited in by an existing member who is willing to gift one million dollars to the Midas Society’s bankroll. But it doesn’t really exist. Does it? I mean, I just spent six months with these people… Why do you think it’s the Midas Society?”

“Sal had what looked like a brand on his forearm, five stars in the shape of a V, or the constellation Taurus, as in the Minotaur. That must be why they wanted to destroy his body.” I muse aloud.

“You know,” Dov says, “Club Venus has that V with the five stars in its logo. Wait a minute! I need to call my liaison at the FBI! I think I know where Gail is!”

He gathers our combined notes and maps, and heads to the computer with the secure video feed.

 

* * *

 

The night is quite and thick with the aroma of wild roses and honeysuckle. A warm gentle breeze plays in Steve’s hair as he leans on the hood of his car. I walk over to lean next to him. Dov and Chris are in the car behind, softly playing the radio and talking in voices too low for me to make out the words. I’ve been on edge all day, knowing that this might be it! The light in the distance moves closer in our direction. We watch as the small plane circles on its approach, its engines briefly drowning out the crickets and the hum of the cicadas. I hear Dov and Chris get out of the car behind us. They step forward to stand on the tarmac and watch too. Dov had asked Gail’s mom if she would like to join us at her daughter’s homecoming, but she declined, briskly informing us of the Police Officer’s Pension Fundraiser at the Lake Shore Hotel, where she would be a personal guest of the Chief. The plane circles again and drops its landing gear.

Seven days ago they found her, stuffed in a shipping crate on its way out to sea from the San Francisco Bay. The clip of her gun was empty, the child she was holding could have been no more than six. For a moment they weren’t sure she was still alive, until she opened her eyes. The child was dead. She had died in Gail’s arms after Gail tried to rescue her from the ship’s captain. The Russian mob was somehow involved.

Luc Dufort had not been so lucky. They found him too, a neat bullet hole between his eyes. Gail was given medical attention, and questioned by every agency involved in the case before they sent her home.

We watch the plane make its final descent and roll to a stop. It seems to take forever before the door opens and the stairs pop out. I find I can’t move, I grip the edge of the car where I am leaning with white knuckles, my eyes are riveted to the doorway of the plane. Two men wearing dark grey suites emerge. They nod at Steve as they walk by. And then, she’s there, standing at the top of the stairs looking left and then right across the dark runway. The boys have already begun to move in her direction. She spots them, nods once, and descends. I think I saw her shoulders sag a little, but then they are all greeting her. There is hugging, and laughter that floats back to me across the warm night air as Steve picks up her bag and they turn as one unit to walk back to the cars. I can tell how tired she must be by the way she moves.

They are still a ways away when she looks up and freezes as she spots me. The boys keep walking, leaving her standing alone on the tarmac. I take a deep breath, push myself off the hood of the car and walk toward her, my heart pounding in my throat. As I get closer, I can’t help it, I feel myself begin to smile. She looks so vulnerable standing there, head bowed slightly, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

“Holly. Hey.” She says in a voice just above a whisper.

“Hey.” I reply, reaching out to take her hands in mine. I pull her to me, and feel her sag and sigh as our body’s fit together.

“I didn’t think you had come.” She says softly into my neck, and holding me tighter. “I’m really glad you’re here!”

“I’ve been going crazy ever since San Francisco!” I murmur in her ear.

She wearily sighs again, “Holly, the places I have been, the crazy shit I’ve done...”

“We tell each other things? Right? I mean whatever it is, we can get through this…” I know that I’m starting to ramble on.

“I don’t, I don’t know if you will still want me after I tell you. Holly, I…” She whispers

I realize in that moment that I just don’t care. All I know is that she has come home, and that she’s safe now, and we are together. I reach out and cup her face in my hands. I can tell she knows what’s coming, because we both lean in. Our lips meet and I know that this is all that matters. So I kiss her with everything I have. As we pull away I look her deep into her eyes.

“ I love you, and you just had to stop talking…” I feel myself smile as I say this. I rest my forehead against hers.

She smiles back, “I won’t say another word.”


	10. Testimony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail's POV

The girl had been dropped, and lay broken on the deck. She reminded me of a doll, limbs splayed out at unnatural angles. Fifteen more girls, between the ages of nine and sixteen were in a holding cell, and safe, for now, or so I hoped. Jeremy, my FBI handler, said that you never know what you might be capable of until lives are on the line. I shot Luc between the eyes while he was sleeping, with his own gun, and then tossed it overboard. I guess I’m no better than him, but at least I’m alive and so are the girls! I hid his body in a crate to buy myself some time. I needed to make it to the radio before we hit international waters! I was desperate! With Luc gone, there was the Captain and a skeleton crew of five men to deal with. I loaded my gun with a fresh clip and put an extra clip in my pocket. Fear prickled on my skin. It raised the hair on my back and put a giant knot in my throat. I have never been so alone, and without back up of any kind in my life! I wish I spoke Russian better. And then the girl on the deck whimpered… In the end, I wounded the Captain and killed two members of his crew, before I ran and hid with the mortally wounded little girl in my arms. At least she didn’t die while being tortured or alone. In her last dying seconds, she opened her big green eyes and smiled at me while squeezing my fingers in her tiny hand; a moment in time that will haunt me forever.

That was fourteen days ago. Today, there is combat of a different kind to endure. Dov and I are here to testify before a panel of the International Commission on Human Trafficking, The United Cross-border Task Force, and The Canadian Justice Department. The room is hot, the wooden seats are hard, my freshly starched and pressed dress uniform itches, and I wish there had been time to talk to Holly before we were sequestered. The press is all over this! I am a murderer and a cheater, not the hero I am being made out to be. The worst part is, I know that Holly will discover the story of my betrayal written all over Luc’s body, in the forensic evidence report from the FBI before we ever get a chance to speak. I try to tell myself that there had been no other way. While I was gone, I had to lock Holly away in a safe corner of my mind, because if I hadn’t I could not have done what I did. I couldn’t think about her at all. Many young girls, and maybe I would have died if I took her, and my love for her into consideration. And while this may be true, it still makes me tired, and sick just thinking about it. 

Dov and I had been on this case for months when we hit a dead end. Luc Dufort came to town, and with Sal out of the picture, he was wheeling and dealing on Victor’s behalf like he owned the place. Luc did not trust us and wouldn’t let us get close to him. In-fact Luc trusted no one he hadn’t known for years, or who hadn’t served in the French Foreign Legion along side him in Iraq. Rumor had it that Luc would be going to Bangkok to make a deal with a resort in Thailand to supply young, Caucasian, girls to service the Japanese businessmen who were their main clientele. This was huge! One of us needed to go with him. Dov and I decided that the easiest, fastest way for one of us to get close to Luc, was for me to get into his pants, no matter how distasteful we both found the idea to be. I knew he thought I was hot. So, one night Dov and I had a knock down, drag out fight in the recording studio behind Club Venus, in front of him. He intervened, playing my knight in shining armor, as I later called him much to his amusement and pleasure. I became his girlfriend and went home with him from then on. Thank God I had never stopped taking birth control, even after being with Holly for almost a year! Luc was a man who was all about power and control. He loved to flaunt our new relationship and throw it in Dov’s face whenever possible. This was good, because it gave me a chance to slip information to Dov on a regular basis. He also liked having sex with me as often as possible, like a dog marking his territory. I can’t say I enjoyed it, it meant nothing to me, I was just going through the motions. The only saving grace was, once I had resigned myself to having sex with him, I discovered he was a skillful, and somewhat considerate lover. The best part was, he became talkative and sleepy afterward, giving me more useful information than we had been able to glean in the entire months prior. He would tell me stories of his exploits, in hopes of impressing me, and then drift off into a deep sleep, sometimes in mid-sentence. I used that knowledge to wear him out before I killed him. I shot him through a pillow, not only to muffle the sound of the gun, but because I couldn’t look at his face and pull the trigger. I don’t know how or if he made me, but I knew as soon as we boarded the ship, the game was up. He was only using me for his pleasure until we reached a suitable destination where he could make me disappear. I also knew, he didn’t think I suspected a thing. He didn’t know that I also speak Italian fluently, and had picked up quite a bit of Russian over the past year.

Going to Bangkok and Tokyo, Luc had put me in a short, black, human hair wig, and bought me a new wardrobe the minute we landed. He wanted to impress the client, and so we went on a ten thousand dollar shopping spree to give us both a complete makeover. Everything seemed to go well, until we arrived back in San Francisco. Luc met with one of our Japanese contacts in the back garden of a bar, and we were on our way out when my heart stopped and my world fell apart. Holly. I had no idea what she was doing there, I just knew I needed to touch her! I “forgot” my credit card at the bar as I paid for our drinks, and had to go back for it as Luc retrieved the car. She was entering the restroom as I came back inside. I followed, and kissed her for one eternal heart stopping, knee buckling, life affirming moment that set off the whole nine yards of fireworks in my head, and made me realize that I needed to get back to my own life because she was what I lived for.

The next day, Luc made a deal with his client to personally escort a group of fifteen young women to an oilrig anchored off the coast of Fiji. They negotiated in Spanish, another language he didn’t know I speak fluently. He laughed as the client called them shark bait, and arranged for a “special treat” to keep the Captain happy and quiet. We were supposed to be meeting Dov back at the Venus Recording Studio in Toronto in two days, so I was surprised when Luc asked me to come along. I knew that I could not allow these girls to be broken and slaughtered as planned! I tried to alert my contact at the FBI in San Francisco, to raid the ship while it was still in port, but my message went unanswered. I think this may be when Luc caught me. Something subtle shifted in the way he looked at me. And then I overheard him making plans for my demise with the Italian First Mate. It took almost twenty-four hours after I killed him, shot the Captain, and hit the ship’s panic button, for the US Navy to arrive. I heard the fire fight from my sanctuary, and prayed that they were the good guys, not pirates. 

After nine grueling days of testimony, they let us go with the promise to return if we are needed. I testified to it all in minute detail, with the exception of seeing and kissing Holly. I wondered how much of it had made the news. Chris picked us up in front of the courthouse, and whisked us off to the Penny to celebrate as the returning and conquering heroes! I excused myself after just one Jack and Coke. I was exhausted, drained completely both emotionally and physically. All I wanted was to be able to curl up into a little ball and sleep for the next month, but I knew what I had to do. 

My legs started shaking as I got in the elevator. I trudged down the hall to find myself here. I am leaning heavily on the door jam, the wool jacket of my dress uniform trailing on the floor. I know I have a key, and I remember what she said as we embraced on the tarmac, but I takes every ounce of love and courage I have ever possessed to raise my hand and knock on her door. I know that she must hate me by now, but I still need to respect and honor her enough to tell her everything myself. Silence. The hall is so still I can hear myself breathing, and then footsteps and the unlocking of the deadbolt. Suddenly, my mouth is dry, I don’t know what to say. I brace myself and will my feet not to run. I close my eyes and pray to whatever benevolent power there might be in the universe to give me strength. The door opens and I hope whatever I can do to convince her to still have me is enough.


	11. At my Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly finds Gail at her door.

I am putting the finishing touches on my article for The Journal of Modern Forensic Science when someone knocks on my door. It’s late, just after ten, and I wonder who it could be. I put down my laptop, take off my glasses and rub my tired eyes. The knock sounds again as I get up to answer the door.

I do hope everyone is ok!

My neighbors wouldn’t be knocking on my door this late unless there was some kind of an emergency, and Gail has a key. I haven’t seen her since the night she came home, and I miss her with a constant ache. I open the door to find her there looking like what the proverbial cat dragged in. She is leaning heavily on the door jam, her dress uniform is rumpled, the jacket is lying on the floor at her feet, and her eyes are closed. Has she been crying? My heart breaks a little as I reach for her hands.

“Gail? ”

She flinches slightly at my touch, but makes no further attempt to pull away.

“How can you be nice to me Holly? I know you must have read the FBI report by now, so I came here to do this in person. I owe you that much.” She says in a bleak voice without opening her eyes.

“Come inside, you look exhausted!” I say softly.

“I can’t.” She says as silent tears begin to leak out from under her still closed lids.

“Yes, Gail, you can!” I insist, tugging gently on her hands.

“I know how you must hate me. And I’ve been here before, and I know how this ends…” She begins

“Gail, what are you talking about?” I ask, becoming slightly annoyed.

“I slept with Luc, I betrayed you, and now you’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” She continues.

“No. And no, I don’t hate you. I think we can work through this like adults, if that’s what you want. I love you, and I have missed you terribly every day! Now come inside!” I pull her into my apartment and close the door behind us.

“You do? You have?” the vulnerability in her eyes as she opens them makes me melt a little. Ok, a whole lot.

“Of course I still love you! I know that you are hurting right now. But Gail, I refuse to be an instrument you use to punish yourself with! I know that you think I should be angry with you, but frankly, I’m simply relieved and grateful that you came home!” I spurt out at her.

What is it about Gail that makes me word vomit? I can’t bring myself to say I was afraid she was dead when she disappeared.

I lean forward to kiss her gently, but now that my lips are on hers, and we are alone for the first time in months, the fierceness of my body’s reaction surprises even me. Sparks fly as our lips ignite a wildfire that rages through us both. I suck her tongue into my mouth, hungry for all of her. Her hands slide under my shirt and palm my breasts roughly, causing me to moan and bite her lower lip.

She pulls away for a moment. I can tell she is fighting for control. Her eyes are a wide, deep blue, filled with longing and sadness.

“Holly,” She says breathlessly, “I don’t know if I can do this…”

“Well…um…ok…” I run my hand nervously through my hair “don’t you want me anymore?” I hear myself ask in a pathetic little voice.

“No.. no… Holly, it’s…that’s not it…” She says slowly

“Ok… well…you know what? Come here!” I grab her arm and practically drag her to the bedroom. She follows compliantly and sits on the bed. I want to get her to talk to me somewhere she can feel safe.

“Holly, do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?” Gail asks in a tiny voice

“Oh Babe, I am not the one who needs to forgive you, you are.” I sigh

“Why do you say that when I cheated on you?” She closes her eyes in pain.

“Listen, I talked with Dov when we were looking for you, and I will never really know what you had to endure. Although I am not happy about the fact that you entered into a sexual relationship, you did what you had to do in order to stop Dufort from selling young girls into slavery, or worse. I’ve been doing autopsies on them. If you hadn’t done that, how many more would have died? And you did it, you saved them! I am so proud of you Gail, I think you were very brave.” I say quietly

I can tell that this is not at all what she expected to hear. She looks at me with her head cocked to one side, brows knitted, taking it all in. She finally sighs wearily and continues.

“What is wrong with me? I had sex with him and then I killed him. I can’t get that out of my head!” Gail says looking at her knees.

I look at her for a moment, hunched into a self loathing ball, and my heart goes out to her. I sigh, and take a tentative step forward.

“You testified that you were afraid that he was going to kill you as soon as you reached international waters. Do you want to tell me about what happened?” I reach out and put a hand on Gail’s arm.

“I don’t know Holly, I overheard him talking to the Italian First Mate about shooting me and throwing my body overboard because I knew too much. I had been collecting evidence on the disappearance of his last girlfriend, Janelle Van Ness, off the coast of Mexico last spring. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to her. I can’t bring her home, but at least I can tell her family what I know. He was an evil and violent man, and I would not have killed him if I thought there was any chance he would have let me live.” Gail replies.

“Gail,” I say looking at her intently, “You did everything you could to survive. Even the Justice Department ruled your killing him as a form of self-defense. I would be so angry right now if you had gone and gotten yourself killed!”

I get up gracelessly remove my clothes and slip naked between the sheets. I pat the bed next to me and she crawls in, still fully dressed. I open my arms to her; she plasters herself to me, hugging me in a vice-like grip, her body ridged as the tears begin to come. The first sob breaks with a ragged giant gulp of air. Sobs wrack her body, quietly at first, and then with whimpers and moans that grow in to the crescendo of a wail. It takes a while before her tears are spent, and she is asleep in my arms.

It is still dark when I wake up alone. I look up to check the time and see her silhouette standing against the dim light of the window.

“Hey.” I call softly to her

She turns in my direction, arms crossed over her chest. “Hey.” She replies

“Come back to bed.” I venture

She slides back under the covers. She is naked this time. Her skin feels like liquid gold, and the wildfire is back, quickly burning out of control. She rolls on top of me kissing me tenderly. My body responds immediately as her tongue enters my mouth. It splits me open with a savage force that I return in kind. I run my hands up her back and then down to cup the cheeks of her butt, spreading them wider, pulling her down to ride on my thigh. As she bears down, my fingertips brush against her wet heat. Her body rubs insistently on mine. There is hunger in our lips, and necessity in our touch. Our tongues battle franticly, fanning the wildfire into burning everything in its path. Gail tastes of lipstick, and longing so fierce I am completely undone. My hips rise against her, matching her ardent, unrelenting rhythm. She spreads her legs wider still, moaning into my mouth. She snakes her hand between us seeking entrance to the rampant inferno between my legs. I welcome her in, as I enter her with my thumb from behind. Our bodies dance and strain, slick with sweat and desire. I want her so much!

“Oh God, Holly,” She whispers breathlessly in my ear, “you make me so fucking hot I can’t slow down…”

“Good!” I pant, and lean in to suck the skin on the underside of her jaw

“I can’t stop! I’m going to cum!” She groans with some effort

“Don’t stop!” is all I can manage before I feel her body freeze and contract. As she screams out my name it pushes me over the edge with her. The wildfire rages, reducing me to smoke, and ash, and dust as I am engulfed by an orgasm so big, my eyes roll back in my head and I literally see white. And now it’s my turn to sob as she holds me like I am the most precious thing on earth.

Sunlight filters through the window illuminating Gail’s hair and skin, making her glow. I love watching her sleep. She is so beautiful, and I can’t believe she’s finally back! I don’t want to get up and leave her here by herself, but hunger drives me into the kitchen. I am standing at the kitchen counter filling up the coffee maker thinking about pancakes, when I feel Gail’s lips on the back of my neck. She moves so quietly in her bare feet, she always takes me by surprise.

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but no one has every loved me like you do!” Gail whispers in my ear, slipping an arm around my waist. She sighs, “And I love you too, more than I can say.”

She pulls me close and rests her cheek on my shoulder. I am amazed at this spontaneous display of pure affection! It warms me from within and makes me believe that somehow, we are going to be alright.


	12. For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail is having trouble coming to terms with having killed people in the line of duty. Can she and Holly get through this?

In the early light of morning she seems so peaceful, sleeping with the hint of a smile on her lips, her hair fanned out around her like a halo of golden light. It’s been three weeks since she came home, and she has barely left my bed. She is frozen, and I don’t know what to do. When she does get up there is more silence, an icy wasteland creating a gulf between us that becomes harder to breach with each passing day. Some days I come home to a silent apartment to find her sitting in a chair, arms wrapped around her knees, staring out the window over the same cold cup of coffee she was holding when I left for work. She tells me that she’s fine, but there is no fire in her eyes. This morning is the first time I’ve seen her smile even in sleep. I need to be getting up, but I don’t want to leave her here alone. My alarm sounds. She grumbles and rolls over. I get up to head for the shower, but her hand catches my wrist as my feet hit the floor.

“Don’t go.” She whispers.

I sigh and crawl back into bed. “Babe, you know I have to go to work.” I murmur halfheartedly into the top of her head. Her arms wrap tightly around my waist, her face is buried in my chest.

“Don’t leave me Holly!” She whispers, so softly I can barely hear her, and I’m sure she isn’t just talking about now.

I hold her gently, stroking her softly and resting my lips on her forehead. She looks up at me with eyes that are the color of smoke.

“Gail,” I sigh, “If we have any chance of getting through this, you are going to have to talk to me. I can’t do this all by myself.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She whispers. Her eyes are bottomless, and she looks away as the tears begin to fall. 

I hold her closer. She hasn’t cried since her first night back. I know I’m going to be late if I don’t get up now. Shit.

“I don’t want you to die.” She whispers into my chest. “Its all my fault. But you, you can’t...”

“Gail, would you like to tell me what you are talking about?” I ask quietly. Shit. I am going to be late, or maybe I should just call in a personal day.

“It starts with killing Luc,” She begins “And then, I am shooting Nick. He looks so surprised as I put a bullet in his head. And then it’s Chris. And Sam is standing there bleeding, with his guts hanging out, and I shoot Andy in the face, and Dov fires back but I kill him anyway, and then I am here, standing over our bed with a gun in my hand. And Jerry walks in and tells me that I killed him too…”

“Gail, how often do you have this dream?” I ask softly

“Every night. Every night I dream that I kill everyone. It always starts with Luc, and ends here with you and Jerry and me. But last night it was different.” She smiles a sad, cold smile that scares me.

“Last night, I dreamt that I ate my gun before I killed you. And just before I killed the monster I’ve become, Claudia, the little girl from the ship, took my hand and thanked me for being brave. It’s all my fault. It’s funny, when I put the gun in my mouth, I just felt relieved.” She says in a soft flat voice.

“Gail,” I say carefully “do you want to hurt yourself, or is it just a nightmare?”

“I’m like a zombie, I will kill you, or worse if you don’t kill me first. But I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone else. But I killed them and it’s all I can think about.“ She says in a shaky voice.

“You are not a monster! You know that, right?” I tell her.

She just shrugs. “Gail…” I look at the time. “Shit! Listen, I need to go make a call, but I will be right back!” I sit up and take my phone into the kitchen. 

When I return, she is no longer in bed. I hear the shower running and I follow her into the bathroom. Her back is to me in the hot spray, but I can tell she’s crying by the way her shoulders hunch and fall. I drop my nightshirt and step in with her. She turns and wraps me in a fierce embrace. Suddenly her mouth is on mine, rough and insistent. I am taken completely by surprise. 

“Fuck me Holly! Fuck me now!” She demands in a low urgent voice in my ear.

“Wait… WHAT?” I gasp, completely off balance.

“Come on Holly, don’t you want me?” She bites my neck hard, sucking at the skin. I know that’s going to leave a mark.

“What are you doing Gail?” I ask, somewhat alarmed, and yet getting more and more turned on by the second as she squeezes my breasts together and takes both of my nipples in her mouth at once. She applies her teeth and my mind goes blank. “Uh, Gail… um what ARE you doing?”

She pushes me up against the shower wall, grinding hard against me. “Can’t you see I need you? Come on Holly, please? She crashes her lips into mine and shoves her tongue into my mouth. 

I grab her wrists and hold her wandering hands still, my mind still reeling, as I pull back slightly. I’ve never seen her like this. “Gail, can we slow down for just a second? I mean, where did this come from?”

“FUCK!” she breaks free from my grip and storms from the room without bothering to dry off or even take a towel with her.

“That went well.” I mutter to myself, as I turn off the shower, wrap myself in a towel, throw my hair into a wrap and go to find her. She is wedged between the dresser and the wall on the floor of my bedroom, curled into a ball, sobbing into her arms. I sit as close to her as I can with my back leaning on the wall. 

“Oh, Babe…” I whisper as my heart breaks a little. I reach out and try to stroke her hair, but she recoils at my touch. We just sit there for a while. 

“Gail…” I try again “I don’t know what it’s like to have intentionally killed someone…”

“No, you don’t! So why don’t you take your pity somewhere else!” She snaps at me without looking up.

Now I’m annoyed. “Ok. You know what? I called into work to be here for you. But if you don’t want that, well that’s just fine Gail.” I let my anger creep into my voice. “Tell you what. I’m going to go about my day, and if you want to talk, come and find me.” I get up, brush the imaginary dirt off of my thighs and return to the shower. 

The sun has crept across the sky as I have been steadily getting caught up on paperwork in my office when I hear the front door slam. I get up and walk out into my empty apartment wondering how long it will be this time until I hear from Gail again.

The clock on my bureau says one thirty six, I hear the noise again, followed by muffled cursing, moments later Gail crawls into bed. I expect her to be drunk, but I don’t smell any sign of alcohol on her. She scoots carefully closer and I feel her hand snake tentatively across my middle. I don’t know what I’m feeling, a mixture of pleasant surprise that she came back tonight, relief that she hasn’t gone out and gotten stupid, sloppy drunk, and annoyed at this little dance we seem to always do when things get rough. I sigh and give in to her presence, as my arms embrace her and I kiss her on the forehead.

“Hi.” I whisper

“Hi.” She replies as she pulls me in tighter.

“Gail, I…”

“Holly, listen!” She interrupts, “I am so sorry for all of the crap I put you through. I know that you deserve better!”

I’m not sure where this is going, so I hold on and wait apprehensively.

“Ok…” I say slowly.

“When I left here earlier, I went back to my place. Dov was home and we played Mortal Combat and talked about how much killing someone fucks you up. So I called the department shrink and made an appointment for tomorrow because I really need to get back to work. And I know that these past few months have been hard on you, and know I don’t make it easy…”

I can’t quite stop the chuckle in my throat that turns into a snort and a cough as she says this. 

She smacks me lightly on the shoulder. “Come on Holly, I’m trying to tell you something!”

“Ok, I’m listening.” I reply, turning to kiss her briefly on the lips.

“So anyway, I’ve been walking and thinking about things. I want to be able to be there for you. You are so good to me, and I want to be good to you too. I want you to be proud of me. I want to get back to building a life with you. Maybe after I have been cleared by the department to go back onto active duty, can we start looking for our own place again?” Her voice breaks a little as she says this.

Building a life with me. Did she just say that? Wow! I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I kiss her again, slowly this time. “I would like that.” I say as we pull apart. “And Gail, I am proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments, kudos, and feedback!


	13. After the Storm

Snow is falling in clumps as we walk to the hardware store, arms linked, hands fisted inside of mittens in our pockets in a vein attempt to ward off the cold. Gail’s eyes sparkle with childish glee in the slit between her fur aviator’s hat and the thick wool scarf wrapped around her nose. She is out again on paid leave after a shoot out that resulted in one of the biggest drug busts of the year. When she returned to work just over a month ago, Steve insisted on taking her under his wing, at least temporarily. Guns and Gangs are proud of her and of themselves. Although she won’t admit it, I can tell she is clearly relieved that the bullet from her gun only wounded the man she shot. The weather and the holidays are wreaking havoc on her ability to make the appointments that will get her re-instated for active duty, but for right now, she is taking the extra time off as a gift. Steve is on paid leave too, making our time alone at a premium. I never realized, until now, just how much mayhem the Peck siblings could create if left to their own devices. Just yesterday, Traci jokingly complained that if the two of them had not left Leo in a state of exhaustion, which made him go to bed without complaining once about his bedtime, she might have to limit their time with him. They had taken him to play laser tag in the snow after they discovered you have to be at least sixteen to play paint ball. Afterward they took him to the arcade, and then appeared in the door of my lab laughing and fighting like naughty children, making Leo giggle at their antics. Steve insisted on driving my car to pick up Traci, his own car was with her at the precinct, and then taking us all out for Chinese in-spite of the blizzard warning. He gave Leo the front seat with a wink in Gail’s direction as we climbed into the back. Gail smacked him on the back of his head for looking to see what we were doing by checking on us in the rear view mirror when we stopped at a red light.

The snowstorm blowing off the lake began again in earnest last night. Deep drifts muffled the usual urban noise, and blanketed the city in a thick white shroud that the plows were having difficulty keeping pace with. People were advised to keep off of the streets and stay indoors as much as possible. Gail had pulled me from the sanctuary of my warm, cozy bed this morning with a mug of coffee and a rare impish grin that continued in her eyes. I protested, in a halfhearted fashion, but her enthusiasm was not to be denied. Now, here we were trudging through knee-deep drifts, with Gail on a mission. Soon, we stepped onto a freshly cleared and sanded sidewalk and through the front door of Ferguson’s Hardware and General Store. 

“What are we doing here? “ I ask as she parks me on a bench at the front of the store by a potbellied woodstove and a canning display. The stove gleams black, and radiates heat that makes me want to melt into a happy, sleepy puddle.

“You’ll see!” I could hear her smile even before she unwraps her scarf. “Now stay there!” She commands.

“Yes officer!” I reply with a smirk

“Shut up!” She laughs, and disappears down one of the dimly lit aisles that is jam-packed with everything from fishing rods, to chicken wire, to plumbing supplies.

She returns shortly, carrying an old fashioned Radio Flyer sled under one arm and a large paper bag in the other hand. She hands me the latter with a grin as she strides for the door.

“Don’t even think about opening that yet! And hold it level.” she quips

I am surprised at the amount of warmth coming through the paper along with a tantalizing aroma of roasted nuts, caramelized sugar and popcorn that make my mouth water.

“Coming?” She demands from the doorway

 

Her new sled perches on the edge of the hill. She sits down on the back, motioning for me to join her. I carefully hand her the bag and sit down in front, cozying my back into her chest. I feel her twist and hear the bag crinkle open. 

“Careful. Take off your mittens.” She hands me a small paper cup with steam rising from the hole in the cover. I take a tentative sip to discover hot chocolate laced with cinnamon schnapps that seems to warm me all the way down to my toes. The mystery bag lands between my legs, and Gail pulls me closer as she reaches around to grab a generous handful of warm kettle corn with maple-roasted cashews mixed in.

“Steve and I used to do this when we were kids.” She begins, “If we had a snow day off from school, we would grab our sleds and head for this hill.”

The kettle corn is warm and delicious. “I thought you said you didn’t do sports.” I tease.

Gail laughs, “Ya’ know Holly, if eating Mr. Ferguson’s special Kettle Corn and drinking cinnamon schnapps is a sport, then Steve and I should be on the Olympic Team!” 

She pulls me closer and rests her chin on my shoulder. I turn to catch her lips in mine. She tastes like cinnamon and chocolate and something sweet that is uniquely Gail. She works a bare hand under my jacket and onto my skin, her fingertips finding their way under the waistband of my pants as she deepens the kiss. I sigh and nearly spill my coco. She laughs softly pressing the cold, bright red velvet of her cheek to mine. 

“Careful.” She whispers into my ear. Her breath is warm and gives me goosebumps.

“Careful yourself.” I smile and run my fingertips along the inseam of her thighs. I feel her breath hitch as I do.   
“Keep it up and you might just send us both prematurely over the edge before we get to finish our snack.” I can hear the smirk in her voice as she says this. 

The hill is long and steep before us. Our breath comes out in white puffs as we laugh. We sit drinking our coco and eating kettlecorn in silence for a while, looking out over the tops of trees and at the city below. When we are done Gail takes our empty cups, folds them into the bag and stuffs them into her jacket.

“Are you ready?” She asks, a note of reckless glee in her voice.

I take a deep breath, “As I will ever be.” I smile

She picks up the rope to help her steer and pushes off. The world flies by in a breathless rush of adrenaline, falling snow, and laughter as Gail maneuvers skillfully around rocks and trees. And then it’s over much too fast, as we skid to a halt by a playground I never knew existed. She gets up, pulls me to my feet and into her arms. There is snow clinging to her hat and to her eyelashes. 

“Thank you!” She says softly as she leans in to kiss me.

“For what?” I ask as we pull apart.

“For everything.” She smiles shyly “I never thought I could be this happy.” 

“Then thank you too!” I reply

“There is one more thing.” She says as she leads me through the park and out to a parking lot where I see her car.

“You’ve been planning this for a while, haven’t you.” I say 

“Uh huh.” She answers smugly.

Twenty minutes later, we are sitting in a neighborhood not too far from Gail’s apartment. She rummages for a moment in the glovebox of her car and pulls out a set of keys. As she dangles them in the air between us, I feel myself flush and my heart begin to pound against my ribs as the implication hits me. 

“Come with me!” She gets out of the car.

I follow her to the house, down five shallow steps onto a slate patio. The house is low and modern, built in the fifties or sixties. She opens the massive wood door and steps into a slate tiled entrance. It leads into a large, open, living space with high ceilings, built-in bookshelves, and a huge stone fireplace that dominates the house. Floor to ceiling sliding glass doors open out onto a deck with a hot tub and a built in stone oven and grill. The place is all dark wood, and glass, slate, and brass, with huge windows that let in lots of light. There is a large eat-in kitchen, a formal dining room, a small den, and four bedrooms up three stairs and down a hall. She stands in the middle of the living room fidgeting nervously with the keys as I explore. 

“Well…?” She inquires as I return. 

“Wow, this is amazing!” I begin

“Good. It made me think of you when I saw it.” She says shyly.

“I do love it.” I reply.

“But?” She asks in a small voice.

“I don’t know Gail, it’s a big step.” I say softly.

“I’m sorry.” She looks at the floor “Maybe this was a dumb idea. Listen, we can just forget it…”

“I didn’t say no.” I say firmly, stepping in to pull her to me by her belt loops. “I love the idea of living here with you! Four bedrooms, huh?”

“Uh huh.” She breathes out and leans her forehead against mine. “You know… just incase…”

I smile and stroke her cheek with my thumb, “Yeah, yeah I do.”

The air is thick and brittle between us. I can feel every breath, every heartbeat. We have never talked about having kids, or even pets, or the possibility of owning a home together, and we have only looked at apartments in the past. I know she asked me to be her plus one forever, but this is huge! I can feel the depth and weight of her eyes as she waits for me to speak. 

“You know, we don’t have to do this now… I just thought with the raise I got for all that undercover work.. But I get it if you don’t…” Her voice is soft and pitched higher than it should be. She takes a deep jagged breath and I realize she is trying not to cry. She is looking at the floor again. “Anyway, you don’t have to decide right now, I mean I have three days to say yes or no…”

“Gail,” I turn her face to mine. “I said I love the idea of living here with you. There wasn’t a but or a no in that sentence.” And I kiss her hard because that’s what she needs, because that’s what we do to make each other stop with stupid questions and insecurities. “You just took me by surprise. Let’s do this!” I whisper holding on to her arms, her face just inches from my own. 

She leans in to kiss me again and I taste the salt of her tears. “I never thought I could have this.” She says softly.

“Have what?” I ask in an equally hushed tone.

“You know. This.” She gestures briefly with her hand.

“What.” I say again with a smile creeping on to my face, because I want to hear her say it.

“You know,” She’s beginning to sound frustrated in a way I find adorable. “This. You know, the whole ball of wax. A home of my own with, with, well you know, someone… Come on Holly! Are you really going to make me say this?” She sees my smile and starts to laugh. 

“Uh huh.” I feel my smile getting impossibly bigger.

“Jesus, Holly, you are such a dork!” She is smiling back at me.

I break my resolve. “Yes, but I am your dork.” I watch her eyes become round as I say this.

“Mine.” She repeats softly.

“Yes,” I say firmly “All yours.”

She grabs me so fiercely it knocks the breath from my chest. 

“But you knew that.” I murmur as she clings to me like she’s never letting go.


	14. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUTT WARNING - The movers have come and gone. Holly and Gail spend their first night together in their new home. If you don't want to read a graphic description about what happens when Gail gets home. please stop now!
> 
> Otherwise, thanks for reading! Your comments, reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated!

"Honey, I'm home!" Gail croons as she kicks her boots off and onto the rubber mat by the door.

I am standing in a sea of boxes and furniture when I hear the front door open. Gail is standing in the doorway carrying a bag of take out from the Thai place we discovered at the end of our new street, and wearing a ridiculously large grin.

"You are such a sap!" I tease, kissing her briefly I take the bag from her and head for the kitchen with our takeout.

"Aren't you supposed to greet me at the door with a martini or some other form of alcohol?" she muses.

"Oh really? Is that how we're gonna do this?" I smirk

"Uh huh." She follows close behind me.

"You're assuming I know where our alcohol has gone in this mess the movers left us. Much less my barware." I'm not sure where my dishes are and I don't know if Gail actually owns any.

"You own barware?" She asks, her eyes lighting up at the thought.

"Yup! I even own a refrigerated kegging system that I made out of an old dorm fridge and some lab equipment. I used to have it in my room when I was in med school." I say rather smugly. I was going to surprise her with it, and a fully set up and stocked bar, but God only knows where any of it is now.

"Wow! You are full of surprises. I knew buying this house with you was the right thing to do!" She teases happily.

I place the bag on the cutting board on island in the center of the kitchen next to the sink. She stumbles and nearly trips as I spin around to face her. I catch her in my arms to keep her from falling, and speaking of being full of surprises, suddenly her lips are on mine, hot and wanting. I open to her, breathing her in as she breathes out into my mouth with a sigh. My skin is humming, She tastes sweet and slightly like the beer I know she had while waiting for our order at the bar. She pins me up against the counter and then lifts me up to sit on it with her standing between my thighs. I make my lips soft and full as I suck on her mouth. Feeling her knees give way, I smile knowingly. She is so beautiful, and I am still amazed at how much she always gets to me. My hands clench and unclench reflexively on the collar of her shirt as she runs her hands beneath my sweater, pushing me back, knocking our forgotten take out into the sink. Her skin is flushed, her eyes are bright, I pull her to me and gasp, as her hard nipples rub against my stomach through her shirt, sending a shock of electricity directly between my legs. I don't know how she does it, but God, she turns me on like nobody ever has before. Maybe it's love, because my craving for her body has only gotten worse over time, and I can tell she feels the same about me. She kisses me harder, leaving my lips to nip at the tender skin below my ear. I hear myself moan softly as she breathes into my ear. I slide from the countertop. Our body's fit together like one. It's kind of embarrassing, but I've been thinking about doing just this all day. Maybe that's part of the reason I can't find anything, I wanted the movers to deposit my things and go before Gail got home.

"Mmmm, Gail… What are you doing to me?" I sigh into her mouth. Smooth Holly, really smooth. I am secretly rather thrilled that she has found the confidence to become this aggressive.

"Jeeze Holly," She laughs softly, "I mean, haven't you figured it out by now? And you call yourself a lesbian." She slides her hand up to palm one of my breasts gently in a way that erases any smart answer I might have given, before it has even had a chance to enter my head.

She tugs on my shirt and silently leads me from the kitchen, up the stairs and into our new bedroom. Her lips crash hungrily into mine again, and I am on fire. Thank goodness I was able to find the sheets and make the bed before she came home, is all I can think before she guides me around boxes and pushes me onto the bed. Our bed. She takes a step back and begins to unbutton her shirt, her eyes never leaving mine as I wriggle out of my jeans and send my sweater flying across the room. I love watching Gail's reaction when she sees I am wearing my sexiest purple lace bra and panties. The flush that rises from her chest, her pupils dilate with desire, say everything I need. I arch an eyebrow and grin smugly. She licks her lips and swallows hard, her breath hitches and I watch the color rise to the tips of her ears. I unclasp my bra and take it off slowly. Her mouth has fallen slightly open and speechless, in a way I find amusing, adorable, and sexy all at once. She quickly undoes her pants and lets the rest of her clothing fall in a crumpled heap on the floor. I sit up to greet her, drawing her in as she crawls on top of me. She lowers her head and runs her tongue up my sternum and across my clavicle, pushing me back into the pillows as she goes. There is fire in her eyes that makes my heart beat erratically. And then her mouth is on mine again, kissing me hard this time with probing tongue and urgent lips. I can no longer control the growing electric pressure in my chest as she runs the palm of her hand over the thin fabric of my panties. I gasp and cry out, my hips rising with a mind of their own to meet her. My fingers dig into her back. She catches my lower lip between her teeth, applying just enough pressure with her hand to make me crazy and leave me wanting more. I try to reach down and touch her too, knowing just how worked up she is rapidly becoming, but she grabs my hands and forces them up over my head, fingers entwined. Her thigh settles between my legs thrusting insistently into my clit. I am beyond words, lost in her rhythm, lost in her clear blue eyes. The depth of emotion I see there is almost enough to shatter my world alone, and then she stops.

"Fuck. Gail." I pant, "Don't stop! Please…"

She is breathing hard now too. She smiles an evil, little, do I ever have a plan for you, kind of smile. Her eyes glitter, wild with lust and glee that never fails to turn me inside out.

"Oh shit Gail! Please…" I hear myself begin to beg. "Please, fuck me!"

She kisses me again looking deep into my eyes. The low, breathless chuckle that begins in the back of her throat is possibly one of the sexiest sounds I have ever heard as she makes her way down the underside of my jaw with gentle teeth and tongue and lips. It makes my hips jolt and buck, seeking more contact where I need it. I strain against her fingers needing to hold on to her.

"Nuh uh uh, not so fast." She admonishes. "Stay right there!" she gives my hands a squeeze and lets go.

She continues her journey down my body, stopping to pay attention to my left breast. I arch into her mouth as she takes my erect nipple in her teeth and sucks hard.

"Oh, oh fuck, oh yes!" I hear myself moan, profanities dropping from my lips like ripe fruit. They spur her on, growing louder as her tongue flickers against my aching flesh. I am so turned on, I feel my breast spurt and leak as she sucks harder, with a corresponding gush of wetness between my legs and a growing pressure in my groin.

"Oh Holly, you taste so fucking good!" she moans taking my other nipple between her lips. Her hands splay across the back of my neck and tease the sensitive skin of my other breast. I reach down and grip her shoulders as she continues to inch down my body.

"Gail," I gasp

She looks up at me with smoldering indigo eyes.

"I thought I told you to stay right there." She whispers in a husky voice.

"I just want to feel your body against me." I whimper

"Hmmm…" She hums and turns around knees straddling my chest, hands stroking my thighs, continuing to explore my torso with lips and tongue. My breath hitches sharply at the sight if her exposed, wet and open before me. Before I have time to react further, my panties are removed with one swift tug and she leans in. Hands splay me open, my legs spreading wider, knees hitting the mattress as she penetrates me with her tongue. My back arches and my eyes fall shut. I am helpless against the exquisite sensation of her body pressed to mine and her tongue riding my clit like a wild horse. My breath comes in wordless gasps that grow louder as my body strains for release. I hear myself moan loudly as her fingers caress my sensitive entrance, tease but don't go inside. My legs shake, the muscles in my stomach burn, sweat trickles between my breasts and my arms grasp her body pulling her closer still. Her musky scent is intoxicating. I know what I need. Unable to control myself any more, I lean forward and burry my face in her center. She is so ready as I pull her salty, sweet clit into my mouth. Oh my God! She tastes like desire its self! She cries out, whimpers, and tries to pull away without ever removing her mouth from my burning core. I need her and I need to feel her cum. So I hold on tighter and enter her deeply with three fingers, my tongue beating out a rhythm of its own against her swollen clit. She begins to shake and gush as she enters me with her fingers too. I feel her begin to cum, as I begin to cum, as we begin to cum. And I hold on with all my might as we fall and fall and fall, the world crumbling down around us, hot tears falling, her voice calling out my name, blended with my voice calling hers drowning out everything but her, and us and this moment suspended in time.

Shaking and weak Gail pulls herself up to kiss me.

"I love you. I love you so much!" She whispers before collapsing on my chest.

"I love you too!" I mumble barely able to keep my eyes open. They slide shut again as I pull her closer.

She scoots on top of me, her leg brushing up against a still unbelievably sensitive area sending a mini-orgasm ripping through me unexpectedly. I cry out and my eyes fly open as my whole body shakes.

"Whoa Holly! Was that?"

"Um, yeah, it kinda was…" I reply sheepishly

"Wow!" She looks impressed. "So what kind of stud am I?"

We both start to laugh softly, safe in each other's arms.

It's after midnight when I wake up alone in a strange room. It takes me a moment to remember where I am with a smile. Our house. Our room. I get up when she doesn't return to bed shortly. As I approach the end of the hall I see a glow of light coming from the kitchen and hear the microwave chime. I step into the room and Gail hands me a plastic fork with a smile while cracking open a now warm container of Pad Thai.

"Hey, thanks!" I smile back at her.

"I woke up because I was starving!" Gail begins "And I realized we never ate our dinner!"

"And who's fault was that?" I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her lightly on the cheek.

"I donno." She tries to look innocent. She pops a fresh spring roll into her mouth and smirks, chewing.

"Uh huh." I smile wider.

"I'm sorry." She says shyly, "This isn't the way I thought our first meal alone together in our new house was going to be."

"That's ok Gail," I scoop up the Pad Thai, "You don't hear me complaining, do you?" and begin to head back to the bedroom.

"Hey!" She protests, "Hey, where do you think you're going with that?"

"Back to bed, of course." I turn to look at her. "Coming?" I know my smile is less than innocent. "I thought you said you were hungry…"

It takes her less than two seconds to let my words sink in before her eyes become round, she grabs her plastic fork, and catches up.

"Good thing we both have the next few days off!" She smiles, her eyes sparkle as she bumps me with her hip.


	15. You Spin Me Right Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Nick go on a high speed chase. Gail's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing from you, so please comment!

Today has been nothing but a shit storm. It began with spilling coffee all over myself in the car on my way to work, and went down hill from there. After hanging out with Steve in Guns and Gangs for four months, I have been back in uniform for just over two weeks. A choice I made myself so I could quietly work on my ETF application without him catching me at it or breathing down my neck. The last thing I need is him ratting me out to our parents before I can get it in.

Parade was uneventful, although I found myself riding with Nick. It’s funny, I know we’re really done because we just don’t have anything to say to each other any more. Numbers were down, so we were on traffic patrol. Everything was fairly routine until a car full of kids buzzed us, going about ninety. Nick floored the gas as I hit the lights, and we were off!

“Fifteen-oh-nine in pursuit of a dark green Chevy Impala license number Charlie, Zebra, Foxtrot, Niner, Zero, Eight going east on Adelaide, heading for the Don Valley Parkway. There appear to be four suspects in the car.” I radioed in.

“Fifteen-oh-nine, Roger that.” Came the voice from dispatch. “All available units.”

“Well this is fun!” Nick began

“What.” I shot him an icy look.

“You know, this. Us. Here riding together….” He continued in a friendly voice.

I was just turning to say something to him when the impact hit the rear of our car. It came so fast out of nowhere, neither one of us had a chance to react as we spun and tumbled, airbags deploying, paperwork, broken safety glass, and our lunch flying everywhere. Nick grabbed my arm and held on as we rolled three times in seemingly slow motion and came to rest miraculously upright just inches from the corner of a brick building. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop staring at that brick wall, every chip, every crack, imprinted on my mind forever as we rocked to a halt. Nick’s hand squeezed my arm tighter.

“Gail? Gail, are you ok?” His voice seemed to be coming from a million miles away.

“Fuck!” I breathed out as I tried to turn and look at him. Sharp pain shot through my right shoulder. “Fuck!” I grunted louder, and heard him laughing softly.

There were sirens in the distance now, getting closer by the second. “Good! I’m glad to know you’re still here!” He said. His voice was strange.“What the hell was that?”

I turned to look at him then. He had blood on his face and his nose appeared to be broken.

“Christ, Nick! Are you ok?” I reached out to touch him gently on the cheek, his eyes closed as my fingertips made contact. He took a deep shaky breath. He leaned his head back, eyes still closed, and took another deep breath.

“Ok, ok, let me see if I can’t get us out of here.” He opened his eyes and reached down to pull a knife out of his boot, which he used to swiftly slice through our seatbelts and the airbags.

The sirens were getting closer and stopping. There was a banging on the roof of the car as Sam poked his head through the window. I breathed a sigh of relief. He tried to open Nick’s door, but it was stuck shut.

“Hey!” He said cracking his gum with a smirk, “I see you guys took quite a tumble. Jeeze, Collins, your face is a mess. Are you ok? Don’t worry, we’ll get you outta here. Just sit tight.”

“What happened?” I asked

“Well Peck, it seems like some idiot delivery driver was pulling out of that alley, and clipped the back of your squad. Looks like he was texting his girlfriend at the time.” Sam said making a sour face.

“Ok. I think I can get out this window…” Nick said as he started pulling himself up.

“Whoa there cowboy! The two of you need to stay right here until the hose monkeys can cut this tin can open and get you to the hospital to be checked out. Peck? How are you holding up?” A look of concern flashed briefly across Sam’s face before it was replaced by his calm smile.

“I think I broke my shoulder. I can’t feel my fingers.” I couldn’t help but whine a little. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off it was beginning to hurt.

“Ok. I’ll see what I can do to hurry these guys along.” Sam winked at me, and walked away.

* * *

 

_“Summertime… And the livin’ is easy… Fish are jumpin’ … And the cotton is high…”_

I can hear Nick laughing from across the hall.

_“Oh your Daddy’s rich… And your Momma’s good lookin’…”_

“Wow Gail, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard you sing that.” He says in an amused tone.

“Shut it Nick!” And I keep singing, because even though it hurts to breathe, it feels good, and weird too. _“So hush little baby, now, don’t you cry…”_

I decide like listening to my voice echoing in the mostly empty hallway. _“One of these mornings…”_

“Aw, come on Gail!” He says. “You know I still care about you.”

“What the fuck Nick? Really? Do we have to go there? Again?” I try to snipe, but it’s hard, with all of the warm, fuzzy, floating sensations whatever they just gave me are doing to my head.

I got out of x-ray about half an hour ago, and we are both lying on gurneys on opposite sides of the hall in the basement of St. Michaels, waiting for radiology to take us to have both the full MRI and CT scan work ups done. Footsteps echo in the hall. I see a young man in a white coat and blue bowtie heading our way. I beckon him with my good hand.

“Garçon, garçon, pouvez-vous nous apporter notre vin sommes venus nous attendent pour notre table?” I inquire.

Nick starts to giggle.

The young man approaches me cautiously.

I try again. “Cameriere, è in grado di indicarci il nostro vino ero stiamo aspettando il nostro tavolo?”

The man sighs and says, “Ok, lady. Whatever.”

He unlocks the wheels on my bed and pushes me across the hall so that I am toe to toe with Nick. He checks my I.V., writes on the clipboard at my feet and continues on his way. Nick is holding an icepack to his head and beginning to look more and more like a raccoon.

“Hey!” Nick calls after him. I hear the footsteps stop, and return. “Hey!” Nick repeats, “What’s going on?”

“Well, officer,” the annoying little pencil-pusher replies, “I’m afraid you are going to have to wait for the attending physician to answer any of your questions. The nurse will be by shortly with a lovely Barium cocktail for you both. Now if you will excuse me…” And turns to leave.

“Hey, wait a second!” Nick calls after him, but he’s gone. “Oh, come on!” Nick groans with frustration.

I try to turn and look after him, but a sharp pain pierces my right shoulder, causing me to yelp and almost pass out.

“Gail! Are you ok?” Nick’s eyes are big and round.

“Sure Nick, never better.” I glare at him.

“Hey, listen, I just wanted to say that I think Holly is really good for you. And I’m glad that you’re happy.” Nick is starting to get all serious and mushy at me. It’s making me nervous, and somewhat angry after the way he treated us when he first discovered we were together.

“What?!” I feel my eyes narrow, as I try to shake my head. He is in sincere, puppy-dog mode. God, I hate it when he does this. It gets to me every time.

“No, really Gail. I mean, I know I was a real jerk to you both…” He tries to continue.

“Nice of you to finally admit to being a complete ass.” I can hear the chill in my voice, and I know what my face must be saying by the way he is looking at me.

He is about to say something else when I hear the unmistakable sound of Holly’s clogs running down the cement corridor. She pops into view, grasping the rail on my bed with white knuckles, and wearing the same panicked, deer in the headlights, expression I saw on the first day I kissed her. It makes my heart contract a little.

“Gail!” She breathes out, eyes franticly searching my face.

“Helloooo!” I croon at her.

“Gail, I heard what happened!” She reaches out a trembling hand that stops inches from my face. I catch it in my good hand and bring it to rest on my cheek. Leaning in to it, I close my eyes against its cool comfort. I feel Holly sigh.

“Nick here was just apologizing for being a complete asshole to us both.” I say without opening my eyes.

I feel her body jerk as she abruptly turns to look at him.

“Uh, hi Holly!” I can hear the sickening sheepish grin in his voice even before I open my eyes to see it.

“What the…” She exclaims, sounding satisfyingly annoyed.

“Look,” He says, “I know that I will never be your favorite person, but I want you to know I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I was a real jerk!”

“Okay…” Holly says warily, fidgeting nervously with her glasses.

“Anyway,” He continues, “I can see how much she loves you, any one can really. And I’m glad. I wasn’t. But I am. You know, cuz you make her happy in ways I never could…”

“Quick, let me call Oprah…” I interrupt.

Holly gives my hand a squeeze and lets go.

“Thank you Nick.” She says sounding way too serious. “Maybe we should talk, but now isn’t the time.”

She walks to the end of my bed and picks up my chart. She is studying it intently when a small dark skinned woman in a white coat materializes next to my bed.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Ruhi Patel.” She introduces herself, “I hear you had quite a wild ride today. You must be Officer Gail Peck,” she shakes my good hand. “And you must be Officer Nicholas Collins.” She greets Nick.

“Uh, call me Nick.” He says.

“Ok Nick, then.” She smiles “And you are?” she turns to Holly

“Dr. Holly Stewart, Gail’s partner.” I hear her say.

Not girlfriend. Partner. I like that. It fits.

“So Gail,” Dr. Patel asks “May I speak with Dr. Stewart about your case?”

“Sure,” I say, “Why not. And you can talk in front of Nick here too. He’s going to find out sooner or later.”

“Ok then,” Dr. Patel turns to Holly, “Well Dr. Stewart, we will be taking Gail into radiology now for a full MRI and CT with contrast. As you can see, her right clavicle is broken in two places, and her rotator cuff is torn. We want to insure there is no internal bleeding or nuro damage before we take her into surgery to repair it.” I hear her explain.

“Excuse me! Surgery? What?” I exclaim.

“Yes Officer Peck, I’m afraid we will have to wire your clavicle back together and fix your rotator cuff if you wish to regain full use of your arm.” She says to me. “Don’t worry, we have an award winning sports medicine and orthopedic surgery team. It is a fairly routine and simple operation. Normally, we would operate directly and then send you home to recover, but given the way your injury was acquired, we would like to keep you over night for observation and operate in the morning. ”

I am watching Holly’s face go from concerned to completely opaque in a matter of seconds.

“Uh, sure…” I say, “Holly? What do you think?”

“Dr. Patel, you will give me the professional courtesy of informing me of the results from Gail’s tests immediately, won’t you.” Holly is all business. It’s almost like she’s addressing one of her interns.

“Absolutely!” comes the response.

“Ok, let’s do this!” I say.

“Very good!” Dr. Patel replies and starts to unlock the wheels on my gurney.

“Could you give us a minute?” Holly asks.

Dr. Patel steps away from my bed as Holly comes over to my side and leans in. I try to reach up to touch her cheek but it hurts, so I end up grasping the front of her shirt instead.

“Hi.” I say as I pull her closer.

“Hi.” She replies, and I see her eyes start to fill with tears she refuses to shed.

I try to reach her lips with mine, but it hurts too much. “I’m ok, really I am.” I whisper.

She swallows a whimper, blinks, and whispers back, “I know.”

“I love you.” I say.

“I love you too!” She kisses me briefly on the lips stands up abruptly, and walks quickly down the hall. As the doctor wheels me away, I watch Holly disappear into the lady’s room.

_“So hush little baby, now, don’t you cry…”_


	16. Like a Record Baby

Nick is still in the hallway when I emerge from the ladies room where I have been pacing and hyperventilating for at least half an hour, trying to get myself together. He is not alone, and I am somewhat embarrassed by the way I ran from Gail earlier. As I come closer a cheer goes up from the knot of gathered officers, and I notice they are intently watching something on Chris’s phone.

“Whoa Dude!” Dove exclaims as he and Nick high-five.

“So I guess you guys are buyin’ tonight, or whenever we get outta here…” I hear Nick say.

“Definitely!” Chris exclaims “Gail is gonna be so stoked when she sees this!”

“Sees what?” Steve asks as he joins them.

“Check it out!” Dov grabs Steve by the arm and brings him into their circle.

They all lean in closer, and watch it again with rapt delight.

“Oof!” Steve breathes out puckering his lips and wincing, “Damn! Nice landing!” He leans over to high-five Nick too.

As I get closer I see Oliver not so subtly elbow Chris in the ribs. They all look up at me, and Chris’s phone disappears into his pocket. I swear they look like naughty children who have been caught sneaking cookies before supper.

“Hey guys,” I say carefully, edging closer, “What are you watching?”

“Uhummm…. the Olympics?” Chris offers.

I know my face must be saying I know BS when I hear it.

“Chris!” Dov hisses at him, “That’s not on for another two weeks!”

“Oh.” Chris looks deflated “Ah, well…umm..”

Oh really. I give him a look of death ala Gail, and he knows the game is up. “Chris?” I ask arching my eyebrows at him.

“Ok.” He concedes, “So, the uh, guys from the traffic copter caught the entire incident with Nick and Gail on camera. And it’s going to be on the seven o’clock news.” He is fidgeting and blushing furiously.

Nick, Dov, and Oliver are having a hard time keeping their faces serious. Then Nick starts to giggle nervously into his pillow, and they all crack up. I feel someone standing behind me, and a friendly hand on my shoulder. It surprises me to hear Andy say, “Jesus guys! That’s not funny!”

Andy and Gail have had a strained history, and I know Andy has never quite been sure how to act toward me. She has always been polite and professional in the lab and tentatively friendly when we have met during social occasions, but this show of warmth and support is unprecedented – and I am grateful. I slip my arm around her waist and give a little squeeze, which is returned by the hand on my shoulder.

“Ok, Andy, ok…” Nick holds up his hands in surrender and smiles at her.

Just then a man in a white coat and blue bowtie strides toward us. “Excuse me.” He inquires looking around the group of gathered officers, “Dr. Stewart?”

“Uh, yes?” I reply

“Dr. Patel would like to see you in her office right away.” He says to me, and then turns to hand Nick a pint container of Coffee flavored Barium solution. “And you! You need to dismiss your little fan club and drink this! This is a hospital you know!” He snaps.

I feel the color drain slightly from my face. Andy gives my shoulder another squeeze and lets go as I follow him down the hall. Dr. Patel’s office is large and bright. She gets up from behind her desk and comes around to greet me. “Dr. Stewart, the results on Ms. Peck’s MRI and CT Scans are in. Won’t you please sit down.” She motions to a chair in front of her desk.

“Uh, thank you.” I say as I sit.

She leans on her desk holding Gail’s chart. “As you may know, you are named as Ms. Peck’s Medical Power of Attorney, and as such are responsible for making all medical decisions for her if she is unable to do so herself.”

I didn’t know that, but it makes sense, so I nod.

“It seems that her injuries are somewhat more extensive than we originally anticipated.” She continues.

I brace myself for what may be coming. “As well as the injury to her shoulder, she has hairline fractures of her L3 and R4 ribs, and her liver and spleen have extensive bruising and swelling. We are also seeing some swelling of the disk between C7 and T1, but we are hoping these issues will resolve themselves given time and rest.” She explains.

“Ok…” I say cautiously

“Basically, in about three to six months time, with the right care, she should be as good as new.” Dr. Patel concludes with a warm smile.

“Thank you doctor!” I smile back at her.

“It’s the least I can do. “ She shakes my hand as I get up to go, “Officer Peck is being admitted now. Why don’t you get yourself a cup of coffee. You should be able to go up and see her in about an hour.”

 

* * *

 

“ _You're The Top!  You're Miss Pinkham's tonic…_ ” I can hear Gail singing all the way out in the hall. I smile to myself.

“ _You're The Top! You're a high colonic… You're the rhythmic beat of a bridal suite in use …_ ” I stand in the doorway watching a very high Gail singing into her toothbrush like a microphone.

“Gail…” I begin.

“ _You're the mound of Venus!  You're King Kong's penis! You're self-abuse!_ ”

“Gail…” In spite of it all, I am trying not to laugh.

Leave it to Gail to know the special Cole Porter verses. She grips her I.V. pole and swings her legs off the side of the bed to sit up facing me.

“ _You’re the arch, in the Rome collection! You're the starch, in a groom's erection…”_

“Oh really?” I smile at her.

_“I'm a eunuch who has just been through an op… But if lady I’m a bottom, you’re a top..”_ She winks playfully at me.

“Gail.” I sigh, and shake my head at her, “Enjoying your pain medication?”

“Yup!” She pops the “P” at the end of the word.

Her right arm is strapped to her body under her hospital Johnny. She tries to get up but winces in pain.

“Just how much are you on?” I inquire with a raised eyebrow.

“I donno…” she says dreamily, “A lot…”

“Okey dokey. Let’s just get you back into bed before you hurt yourself even more.” I walk toward her and try to get her to swing her feet back up onto the bed.

“Oh, Holly! Here? Now? I just love it when you’re forceful…” She teases and refuses to move.

“Come on Gail. Please?” I plead with her.

“Noooooo!” She whines. “I gotta pee, and they’ll make me use that icky, germy, thing!” She makes a sour face and wobbles to her feet.

I sigh, and remember how she took care of me when I was in the hospital. “Ok, I’m going to help you to the toilet, and then can you please go back to bed?”

“Ok!” She chirps, and smiles a big toothy grin.

God, she’s a handful! I am waiting for her to call me back into the bathroom when none other than Elaine Peck appears in the doorway. She is not in uniform, but she might as well be. Her crisp white tailored shirt is tucked neatly into the top of navy slacks which break perfectly over her chocolate brown ankle boots with stiletto heals. Her red hair is pulled back in a slightly messy ponytail in a bad attempt to appear more casual. Her sharp blue eyes narrow as she sees me.

“Hello Holly.” She smiles without warmth, sizing up both me, and the situation at hand.

“Hello Elaine.” I push off from the wall where I am leaning and meet her cold hard gaze.

“Where is our girl? And how is she doing?” She practically purrs.

I hear the toilet flush behind me and hear Gail call out. “Holly? Holly, you can come get me now.”

“A mother can help, can’t she?” Elaine says, as she roughly pushes past me into the bathroom.

“Elaine…” I try to stop her.

_**“MOTHER!”**_ I hear Gail’s indignant voice shout from behind the door.

“Great.” I sag back against the wall.

They emerge moments later, Gail blushing crimson, looking at her feet as she shuffles into the room, Elaine guiding her with a hand on her waist.

“Ok darling. Stay right there!” Elaine says, as she leaves Gail standing in the middle of the room, clutching her I.V. pole for support, to go fluff the pillows, and straighten out the covers on the bed.

Gail sways slightly, and I rush forward to catch her from behind. She leans back into my body, and whispers “help me!” into my ear.

We stand there for what seems like an eternity while Elaine fusses with the sheets. Finally, she pulls back the covers, pats the bed and says, “Ok darling, come on! We can’t have you using up all of your strength before your surgery tomorrow, now can we?”

“Mother, I’m fine, really.” Gail protests.

“Of course you are darling!” Elaine continues.

But Gail is not fine. I can see the lines of pain and fatigue around her eyes and the slight grey tint around her lips as I help her back into bed. She sighs deeply and closes her eyes, leaning back into those meticulously fluffed pillows. I sit in the chair next to the bed.

“Well Gail, I’m going to go find the nurse to see if there is anything I need to know.” Elaine states briskly, and leaves the room.

The minute she is gone Gail opens her eyes and says, “Oh my God! She is going to have a fit when she finds out you’re in charge of my care!”

I smile a little at the thought. “Don’t worry Gail.” I say with a smirk “I got you, I got this!” and I lean over to kiss her lips gently.

She reaches for my hand. “I need you Holly! Please don’t leave me.” She sighs.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere!” I give her hand a little squeeze.

“Good!” She mumbles, and promptly falls asleep.


	17. Rain

Dawn comes too early as I find myself slumped on our couch still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Ugh. My mouth tastes sour and dry and my eyes feel like they are full of sand. The house is empty without her, and the world is cold and grey. I need to get up. Andy will be by soon to take me to the hospital, the boys dropped me off last night, Oliver is probably with her right now. Gail has been having nightmares and other PTSD symptoms ever since she woke up from surgery two days ago. She earned herself a longer hospital stay by thrashing in her sleep, ripping her stitches, and re-injuring herself. I drag myself off the couch and into the kitchen where I start the coffee. My phone begins to ring just as I am heading for the shower.

“Holly! Hi!” It’s Traci sounding much too chipper.

“Oh hey Traci. What’s up?” I stifle a yawn into the phone.

“Well, Andy and I were just wondering if you would like to join us for a run before heading in to the hospital.” Her voice is full of what Gail likes to call overprotective motherly concern. 

I was going to run later, but this may be just what I need! 

“Uh yeah, that sounds great!” I reply “See you at the park in twenty.”

 

==========================================================================================

 

I listen to the satisfying sound of my sneakers on the pavement and the soft huff of my breath coming in gasps now, pushing harder for the parking lot ahead. Dark clouds loom ominously over the lake and thunder can be heard in the distance as we make our last lap around the park. I am several yards in front of Andy, and Traci is gaining at my heels. Winner gets a free breakfast at the hospital cafeteria. I can see her look of determination out of the corner of my eye. I put forth one last burst of speed, sprinting into the lot and practically falling over the hood of my Jeep with Traci laughing just seconds behind, and Andy coming in a close third. 

“Wow, that was fun!” I gasp, watching Andy lean heavily on her thighs, panting, Traci pulling me upright by the hand with a giant grin on her face.

“If I knew Gail’s partner was actually athletic, I might have reconsidered our bet.” Andy gasps.

“Told ya’!” Traci slaps her on the butt, “Now let’s walk and stretch.” She starts to head for the athletic obstacle course with its chin up bars and yoga diagrams. 

“Thanks guys!” I say. I am feeling warm and loose, better than I have since Gail went into the hospital. The wind picks up, carrying with it the cool scent of ozone and rain as I do my first set of twenty chin-ups on the bar.

“Damn girl!” I hear Traci say, as I swing my legs up, hooking my knees over the bar for a set of inverted sit-ups.

“What?” I ask innocently.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Andy smiles, “Because it would be embarrassing if we let a scientist kick our butts. Now we have to keep up with you.”

I laugh, “No, really, you don’t! I just do this for myself because it makes me feel good!”

“Oh, yes we do!” Traci replies, grabbing the bar next to me and starting in on a set of chin-ups.

“Ok. Suite yourself!” I laugh, dropping to the ground after my second set of each.

I walk over to the open rubberized area on the course and begin my Yoga sun salutation routine to stretch.

“Why can’t she be the cop in the family?” I hear Andy grumble

“I know, right?” Traci snickers. 

I ignore them.

I am just finishing my last downward dog as the rain begins. I grab my water bottle and run for the car, pulling my keys out of my waist pack as I go. Thick heavy drops pound on the roof as Traci hops in beside me.

“Andy is going back to the station first, so I hope you don’t mind.” She begins

“No problem, but I want to go home and change before we go to the hospital.” I answer. “If you want to shower at our place, I’m sure I can find you some sweats or something to wear. Or you could just step back out in this.” I wave my right hand absently at the downpour.

“Yes,” She smiles at me. “You know Jerry used to love this weather. He used to think it was romantic to just stay at home and cook all day, or open a bottle of wine and watch the rain from our bed.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know him.” I say quietly, watching her smile sadly out at the rain.

“I love Steve. I do. But there are moments like this, when the sky opens up, and I can’t help but think of Jerry.” She turns to look at me then. “I know Gail still blames herself for his death, but it’s not true. The only one to blame is Ross Perek, and he did enough damage to Gail without Jerry.”

I don’t know what to say, so I keep quiet. There is a blinding flash and thunder shakes the car.

“I can’t tell her this, but I know what he did to her.” She continues.

“Ok…” I say slowly, not wanting to reveal any more than I should.

“Holly, I know that he raped her, even if she denies it.” Traci says softly, her eyes locked into mine.

I know I can’t lie to her. So I nod slightly, feeling the lump forming in my throat. 

“I just want you to know that I know, and I’m here for her too. Ok?”

I reach out and squeeze her hand. “Does Steve know?” I ask in a shaky voice.

“No… Or if he does I wasn’t the one to tell him.” She replies shaking her head.

“Oh.” I can’t think of anything else to say.

“But I think Elaine might…” She is looking worried now.

“What! Wait, how…?” I am alarmed

“I overheard her having a curious conversation with Steve when Gail didn’t wake up right after her surgery.” 

“And where was I?” I wonder

“I’m not sure. Filling out paperwork or something. Anyway, Elaine was speaking with the nurses and looking at Gail’s medical records when Steve came up to ask if she should be doing that without Gail’s consent. The nurse sputtered something about Elaine being her mother, and how it was only right. And you should have seen the look on her face! Elaine’s that is. And then later, right before Gail came out of ICU, Elaine was saying something about how she gave birth to two children, but it was clear that only one of them would ever amount to anything as a cop.” A bitter expression creeps across her face. “I mean, what is wrong with her?”

I sigh. “I try to be compassionate. I try to be understanding. But that woman is pure evil sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know. It isn’t easy being in a relationship with Steve either. And she does everything in her power to bring us down.” Traci sighs

This is news to me, although I can’t say I’m surprised. Elaine has always held Traci up to Gail as a shining example of what a career minded, tough, policewoman should be. I know that this is not only to destroy Gail’s self confidence, and negate all of the hard work and undercover assignments Gail has undertaken over the past year, but also to try to drive a wedge between Gail and anyone she feels close to. All I can do is laugh, or I think I’m going to cry.

“Yeah.” I shake my head still laughing, “She sure is a piece of work, Superintendant Peck!”

Traci is laughing too “Careful what you say Holly, you never know who might be listening.”

“Ok, so I want to know,” I look Traci in the eye, “Does Steve go through your house and cars with a radio frequency scanner at random intervals to make sure there are no bugs, or is it just Gail?”

“Oh no, he does that too!” We sit there and look at each other before cracking up again. The rain stops as quickly as it began. I start the car as misty rays of sunlight pierce the clouds and illuminate the parking lot making everything glow.

“Thanks Traci!” I say, turning to her once more, “It’s nice to get to talk with you, you know, alone.”

“Yeah, “ She smiles back at me, “Yeah, it is.”

===========================================================================================

 

The text comes just as Traci is getting out of the shower. I am sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee when she calls to me.

“Hey Holly! I just heard your phone go off in your bedroom.” She appears wrapped in a towel with my phone in her hand.

“Thanks Traci! Want some coffee?” I reply, taking my phone, and setting out a mug for her.

I’M FREEEEEEEEE! COME GET ME! XO G

I smile and look up at her. “Looks like there are going to be four of us at breakfast!”

“Ok, well let’s not keep her waiting!” Traci’s eyes sparkle as she smiles back.


	18. Speed Bumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail is recovering at home, but Holly has a meltdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments, questions, suggestions, and reviews are appreciated!

“Holly? “ Gail’s voice is calling from our bedroom.

I pick myself up off the couch where I have been reading the latest Journal of Forensic Science and drag myself to the door. Gail has been home for over a week. She is propped up in pillows and a blue corduroy backrest she likes to call her husband. There is a steel plate with eight pins in her right clavicle, but she is on bed rest for at least another two weeks due to her bruised liver and spleen. She jokes that if I took a close up photo of her abdomen it would match the decor of our bedroom as an abstract of purple, blue, and greenish yellow. She doesn’t get why I don’t think its funny at all.

“Hey.” I greet her wearily.

“I’ve missed you!” She pouts, “You’re so far away.”

“I’m right here.” I reply. “And I’ve been here all day.”

“No, you’ve been out there all day.” She pouts some more, “You used to like reading in bed with me.” 

She is right, and I know it. I sigh heavily and look at the floor. When she was in the hospital, I couldn’t wait for her to come home. Now that she’s here, I can barely stand being in the same room with her.

“Did you make that ultrasound appointment for later in the week with Dr. Sinclair?” I ask instead of answering. There is pressure building in my head behind my eyes. 

“Holly. Holly, look at me.” She demands. But I can’t.

I close my eyes as the pressure moves into my chest as well. The air is so thick I am beginning to suffocate.

“Did you?” I ask again.

“Uh huh. But you’re still not looking at me. Come on Holly! We tell each other stuff, right?” 

I can’t take it, so I literally run from our room, down the stairs and into our front hall. The cold stone floor steadies me as the silent tears begin to come and I lean back into the dark wood door of the coat closet. I have got to get out of here! I am throwing on my coat and boots, when I see her standing there looking lost. She is wearing nothing but my faded, grey Magnetic Fields t-shirt that falls gracefully over the tops of her thighs, her hair is in a wild, messy braid and her eyes are huge.

“Where are you going?” she asks softly.  
I turn away so she won’t see my tears. I swallow hard, but no words come. Soft hands touch my wrist and gently caress the back of my neck.

“Where is your sling? And why are you out of bed?” I practically whisper.

“Holly, do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Her lips brush the back of my neck as she speaks, sending shivers up my spine, and more tears. 

Her arms wrap around me, pulling me closer. I sigh, and lean into the soft comfort of her body. Her lips press into the space between my shoulders at the base of my neck.

“Holly,” She murmurs into my skin, “It’s just me. Turn around.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. Oh God, it hurts! “I can’t.” I say in a barely audible voice that breaks. 

I try to remove her arms, but she holds on tight.

“I can’t do this. I don’t know how.” I whisper.

I can feel her moving around my body until she is directly in front of me.

“Can’t do what Holly?” I can hear the soft note of dread in her voice. It breaks my heart even more. “Come on Holly! Can’t do what?” She says louder, beginning to sound somewhat panicky. “Holly?”

I whimper and gasp as more tears come. She lets go of my body and steps back with a look of growing horror on her face. I can’t seem to pull it together enough to answer. I clutch myself and sob harder. My nose runs. She is backing away from me now with huge sad eyes, her mouth slightly agape.

“Gail..” I finally manage to hiccup, reaching for her.

“No, don’t.” She says in a flat tone, shaking her head before she turns and runs.

Shit! What just happened? I crumple into a ball with my back to the wall and sob into my arms. 

It takes a while before I finally manage to get up and go into the lavatory off the kitchen. Splashing cold water on my face, I lean heavily on the sink to look at my puffy reflection. I need to pull it together and talk to Gail. She’s here. She’s alive. She’s ok! I chant in my head. Just last week I did an autopsy on a woman who died in a car wreck of injuries very much like Gail’s. She ruptured her liver and bled out before she got to the hospital. 

The door to our bedroom is closed and locked when I try to go in. So I knock.  
“Gail?”

No answer. So I knock again. 

“Gail? Come on Gail! Let me in!” There is still no answer.

“Gail! Look, I’m sorry, I’m kinda freaking out. You said you wanted to know, so please open the door!” 

Nothing. I lean my head on the door jam.

“What do you want.” Her voice finally comes, but its cold and hard.

“Gail, just open the frickin’ door!” I know I am starting to sound impatient.

The door opens and I am met with the same impassive face and an icy blue glare I have seen her reserve to use on Nick and other people she doesn’t like.

“Gail…”

“What do you want? Come here to gloat Holly? Come here to finish the job? You know I can’t lift anything or I’d already be gone. So get your fleece out of my closet and just go.” She says and turns her back to me.

“Gail…” I reach out and touch her shoulder.

“Don’t.” She shrugs my hand off and takes a step forward. “If you’re going to leave, just go. I knew this was too good to be true. How long have you been planning this Holly? Since I got hurt, or before?”

“I’m not…”

“Not what Holly. Not sorry? Not able to stick around? And to think, I thought you were different.” She snipes, and turns to jab at me with her finger.

“Not leaving.” I say.

“Oh.” She stands there looking at me with guarded eyes that intensify the pain in my already hollow chest. Why is it that she always gets to be the broken one? Why do I always have to pick up the pieces? I feel something inside of me snap.

“Fuck you Gail! Fuck you and your fucking need to see me as your enemy!” I round on her. I know I’m not being exactly fair, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I hear my voice growing louder. “You could have fucking died! You know that, right? You could have fucking died, but you and your Goddamn friends think its all so fucking funny! You sit there and watch that stupid video over and over again thinking it’s so fucking cool! And all I can see when I see that, is what that kind of impact trauma can do to the human body! Did you ever think about that? No, not you. You know, life isn’t one of your stupid video games Gail!” 

I know what I must look like, gesturing wildly as I yell at her. She is staring at me, but I can’t read her face. 

“People die from this shit!” I push my glasses up further onto my face and continue, “People die from this kind of thing all the time. And do you care? No! There’s a woman in my lab right now. I did her autopsy last week. And she’s dead Gail, in a fucking drawer in my lab! And that could so easily have been you...” 

I pause to catch my breath when I am suddenly in her arms. She’s still quick, I’ll give her that. She gives a little grunt of pain, as our bodies collide, propelled by the sheer velocity of her movement. She is gripping me tightly, the fingers of her right hand splayed out across my back, her left hand tangled in my hair forcing my head onto her good shoulder. And I break with a sound like the wind screaming across the ice, the groan of icebergs and glaciers melting and cracking, the whimper of time being broken. There is no air as I mumble nonsense syllables, unable to form real words, and moan into the skin of her neck. I am drowning. I don’t want to hurt her, but my arms come up anyway to grasp at her hips and hold on for dear life. I find the surface, gasping greedy gulps of air and the scent of her skin into my burning lungs. She’s here. She’s alive. She’s ok, or will be given time. I feel her start to loosen her grip and pull slightly out of our embrace, but I’m not ready, so I hold on. She is backing up now, steering us toward the bed. She maneuvers us to sit on the edge, removing my glasses, wiping my tears away with her thumbs and gently kissing my eyelids.

She’s here. She’s alive. She’s ok. I use that as a mantra to steady me. She’s here. She’s alive. She’s ok. I find that I can look her in the eye now. I’m breathing hard like I’ve just run up a steep hill.

“I’m sorry this has been so hard on you!” She whispers, cupping my face in her hands. “We laugh and joke, and brag, and watch that video because we can’t let fear win. You know that. Right?”

I do know that. I know that, but it doesn’t make it easier. So I swallow hard and nod once.

“Holly, you and I both know that I have a dangerous job. Heck, your job put you in the hospital earlier this year for weeks! Do you know how frantic I was then?”

I know how much this admission must be costing her, so I lean in and take her hand. She pulls me closer so that our legs entwine and we are loosely holding each other. She absent-mindedly runs her fingertips from the palm of my hand, halfway up my forearm and back, giving me goose- bumps all over. 

“I wasn’t trying to break up with you. I can’t believe you even thought that!” I whisper as I watch her do it again.

“I know. I’m sorry about that too. Knee jerk reaction.” She confesses

“I know. I’m sorry I pushed your buttons.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I had this melt down!”

“Don’t be.” She says softly “I should have known you were freaking out. If I had been paying more attention to you I would have.”

“Gail,” I look into her eyes then, “You were in an accident. You were injured. You’re on drugs!” I smirk a little bit as I say the drugs part. 

“I know. But still.” She strokes my cheek and doesn’t back down.

“You’re here. You’re alive. You’re ok.” I say, and it’s all that matters, “I don’t want to fight with you. I never did.”

She nods and scoots back onto her nest of pillows, dragging me with her. “I’m glad we’re ok!” She sighs, “Bob was starting to get nervous!”

I look at her sideways. “Gail, who’s Bob?” 

“You know, Bob,” She gestures with her hand at the pillows, “My husband.” She says with a shy grin.

I shake my head and chuckle softly at her. “You really are insane, you know that.” And I kiss her softly.

“You love it!” She breathes into my lips.

“I do.” And I kiss her more slowly this time.


	19. The Unexpected Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments, suggestions, PMs, and reviews! I love hearing from you! I hope you enjoy this little piece of fluff.

I know it’s going to be one of those nights when I come home to find Chris’s truck in the driveway. When I hit the button and watch the garage door slide up, I notice Dov’s bike tucked in to the wall by the door leading into our home. I sigh. I had hoped for a quiet evening alone with Gail, but I can’t really blame her. Cabin fever has been driving her crazy. I am both grateful and anxious that she goes back to work part time next week, if all goes as well as anticipated at her check up on Monday. I can hear them as I climb the stairs and open the door into our kitchen. The tantalizing aroma of fresh pizza hits me, making me realize I missed lunch for the third time this week. I need a drink. Fortunately, on nights like this, there is plenty of beer in the fridge, and a variety of hard liquor spread across the kitchen counters. I am thankful that Dov is into micro beer as crack open a Black Creek IPA. They are arguing loudly over what super power would be best if they could choose one, or which Super Hero they would like to be. I hear Chris say something about Dov being like the Verb guy in the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons.

Chloe chimes in “Don’t you mean Fraggle Rock?”

“Wait, wait, are you calling Dov a Muppet?” I hear Gail laughing

Dov starts to protest saying something I don’t quite catch, about him being more like Wolverine, when Chloe cuts in. “But they’re so adorable, just like you! Don’t you think? You don’t mind do you?”

“No, I said he was like the verb guy in Schoolhouse Rock.” Chris interjects, “You know like the cartoon. Cuz he’s always in action!”

“Thank you Chris!” Dov states forcefully, “See Babe, that’s better!”I can tell that he’s probably pacing.

“If you say so!” Gail is laughing harder.

I’m just about to take my beer and head to my office when Chris strides into the kitchen, nearly running me over.

“Oh, hey Holly!” He smiles almost shyly at me, “I hope you don’t mind that I made pizza from scratch.”

Pizza from scratch? Mind? He’s joking, right? It’s been a hellish day and I don’t have to cook? I might just kiss him! “Wow! No, that’s great! Thanks Chris!” I smile back at him instead.

“Cool. Well, I’ll just get these bad boys out of the oven, and the salad out of the fridge then.” He says, wrapping an apron around his waist.

Salad? Did he say salad? I blink at him in pleasant surprise. As the oven opens, I am overcome with the smell of baking bread and garlic, cheese and spices. My stomach growls embarrassingly. Arms wrap around me and soft lips brush the back of my neck in greeting as three slightly lopsided pizzas come out of the oven.

“I might marry Chris right now.” I joke.

“If you weren’t already taken.” Gail bristles slightly even though she knows I’m joking.

“If I weren’t already taken!” I agree with a smirk. It’s bad, but I love to get her going sometimes.

“Hi.” Gail whispers as she nuzzles my ear.

Chris blushes, laughs, and busies himself with cutting the pizza.

“Hi.” I turn to kiss her quickly on the forehead, and break free from her arms. ”I’m just going to grab a slice and head to my office, if you don’t mind.”

She blinks blankly at me. “Oh. Ok.” She finally smiles, “Well don’t wait up for me if you’re tired then. Dov and his Queen Dork here are back on a Trivia kick.”

“Ok, I’ll come in and say good night if you guys are still going when I go to bed.” I smile back.

“Well I was kinda hoping we would have the pleasure of your company for dinner, but I guess if you’re tired…” Chris is pouting. It’s endearing and a little bit odd at the same time.

“Ok.” I relent, “But only if we use the dining room table.”

“Really?” Chris asks, looking surprised.

“Yeah! Why not?” Gail says happily, “It will be our first dinner party in there. You know, the way it should be, not all stuffy and shit like at my parent’s house!”

The three of us grin at each other for a minute.

I reach under the kitchen counter and pull out a stack of the blue and green stoneware dishes my friend Amber made for me when I moved into the apartment I bought when I moved back to Toronto. The apartment I moved out of when we moved here. Gail’s expression becomes softer for a moment, with that adorable little smile I know she reserves for me.

“Whoa, Holly… These are your good dishes!” she sounds a little bit awestruck.

“And these are your, no, our, good friends. And Chris made us pizza from scratch!”

I hand her a stack of indigo cloth napkins and knives and forks in pint glasses from our trip to Niagara, “I think we can serve ourselves in here. So go set the table before I pass out from hunger!” I wink at her.

 

 

* * *

 

Dinner is a raucous feast of teasing, and stories, and laughter, reminding me of how it used to be around the cramped kitchen table at Gail’s old apartment. Sure, it was kind of like a frat house, but I haven’t seen Gail be this happy and animated in a while. After, when the plates are cleared into the dishwasher, and we are all eating ice cream, I excused myself from another game of Mortal Combat and retreat to my own peaceful space.

The house is quiet when I wake up on the couch in my office, _The Secret Life of Bees_ still draped across my chest. I get up and stumble into the dark hallway. I can hear her puttering around the kitchen, cleaning up. Its late, and I expect her to be alone, but she is with Chris. They are talking in low voices when I come around the corner to lean the doorway. I can’t make out what they are saying, but they look serious. I am surprised as Gail lets Chris pull her into a bear hug and kisses the top of her head. They stay there for a moment until I step into the room. They turn to face me, Gail still tucked under Chris’s arm, her arms still loosely wrapped around him.

“Hey!” She calls softly to me, reaching out a hand to draw me into their circle.

“Hey, is everything ok?” I ask as I join them. With everything that’s happened since I met Gail, I can’t help but worry.

“Yeah, I mean, we were just talking about how much he misses hanging out with us ever since we got this place.” Gail explains, “Tonight was nice.” She finishes simply.

I look at Chris, and he nods. I can tell that he’s trying not to get all choked up, and I realize I miss him too. We have been so busy with trying to get our lives back on track after Gail came home, and then buying this house, that we haven’t seen much of Chris or the rest of Gail’s friends lately. Admittedly, Chris is my friend too.

“So, Dov and Chloe are talking about moving in together.” Chris says

“Oh yeah?” I smile at him and realize how lonely he must be with Gail having moved out and Dov all wrapped up in Chloe.

“Yeah.” He smiles “I might just get a whole place to myself, for once.”

"Can you do that?” Gail asks

“Well, yeah, I mean I got to keep my raise in pay grade when I came back from Timmins.” He says “And you know, now that I’m not paying child support…”

“How is that going with Denise?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at him

“I donno Holly, she wants me in Christian’s life, and I want to be there, I do,” He looks at the ground, “But, you know, things are complicated, and I don’t even care that he’s not really mine, but…”

“We get it Chris.” Gail says, starting to sound annoyed.

“No, no you don’t.” He says looking up at her and then at me. “I want to be his Dad. And I would be a good Dad too! It’s so hard growing up when you’re a kid and you don’t know what to expect! But Denise just uses him as leverage sometimes..” He shrugs and looks back at the floor. “Hey listen, it’s late. I should go.” He says finally.

“You know Chris, we do have a guest room.” I say.

“No, really. I don’t want to be in your way.” He says.

Gail is shooting me the look of death, but I don’t back down. “You won’t be.” I glare back at her, and she shrugs.

“Are you sure?” I realize he looks a little bit lost.

“Yeah, I am.” I say.

“Sure, why not.” Gail echoes.

“Cool! Listen, maybe I can take you out for breakfast in the morning!” Chris says with a smile.

“Can we go to that place with the gooey maple crunch filled donuts and thick cut bacon?” Gail says, brightening considerably.

“That’s just the place I had in mind!” Chris smiles cheerfully at her.

“Mmmm… Gooey donuts…” Gail muses dreamily.

 

* * *

 

Gail is sitting up against a mound of pillows at the head of our bed, wrapped in our duvet when I come into our room. I can feel her watching me get ready for bed. Brushing out my hair from the bun it’s been in all day, I catch her eye her in the mirror above our bureau and smile. I let my robe drop onto the chair next to our bed. She slides down against me with a sigh as I crawl under the covers. She kisses me, gently removing my glasses, placing them on our bedside table. Her skin feels like liquid silk, her body hovering over mine as she reaches to turn out the light, but stops to look into my eyes. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that I might have lost her just over a month ago. I love her so much it hurts! I reach up pulling her down on top of me, burying my face into her hair, and holding on tight. Our bodies slide together and my heart feels like it might burst.

“Holly? What are you thinking?” Gail murmurs into my neck.

“Just how much I love you, and I never want to be without you.” I sigh.

“You sound worried.” She says quietly. I sigh again.

“Not really.” I lie.

“Yes you are.” She sounds more amused than annoyed.

“Ok. Fine. So I’m worried about what happens when you go back to work. Are you happy now?” I know I must sound pathetic, but I can’t seem to help myself.

She rolls off my body taking me with her and pulling me close. I run my fingers absently over the lump in her shoulder. She kisses me with a little more urgency now, brushing her tongue softly against my lips.

“Quit trying to distract me!” I scold

“Ok.” She smirks, and leans in to kiss me again. This time it shuts me up completely as her hands make their way slowly down my spine. Her fingers play with the top of my tailbone. It’s not fair! I feel our breathing synch as our kiss deepens. Damn her and her sneaky ways! She is stroking my spine with one hand and palming my breast with the other. My hips move of their own accord, locking into hers. How am I supposed to think of anything but this? Two can play at this game. I snake my hand between us so my fingertips are resting lightly against the heat emanating from the juncture between her legs. She gasps and spreads her legs slightly, giving me more access.

“Holly…” She breathes out as I cup her gently in the palm of my hand.

I realize we haven’t really made love since she was in the accident.

“Mmmm…” I breathe into her lips.

“I just, I just love you!” She stutters.

Her voice is filled with so much tenderness and longing it slays me completely. She moves against me and I know how it must feel to have the power of a God. To have her looking at me with those wide, trusting eyes that I just fall in to. She cries out softly as my fingers move deeper into her. She grasps either side of my face, eyes boring so intensely into mine the air its self might catch on fire.

“Only you, Holly! Only you!” She manages to gasp, before kissing me again and igniting my world.


	20. Looking Forward, Looking Back

I remember standing at the top of a hill, in a park, on a grey day, much like this, taking a moment before entering the scene of the crime. Little did I know then, what scene of which crime it was. I remember watching the young blonde cop, her back to me, fidgeting like a small child who has been told to stand and wait, before I took a deep breath and ducked under the yellow tape to collect my evidence. I had been working for the Toronto Police Forensic Science Department for just about ten months back then. Being fairly new at the time, the other forensic pathologists got to go investigate crime scenes while I mostly remained behind at the lab. I remember thinking “Lunchbox? Really? What a clueless jerk!”. That was before I turned and saw her eyes. Nothing could have prepared me for the lightning bolt that struck from the blue. I remember trying to collect myself, saying some hopelessly technical word vomit, flirting, and kicking myself for not being able to school my reaction to her better. How could I have known that fate would have brought us here?

I am standing at the top of a hill, overlooking a wooded area where the remains of three bodies have been found. The young cop on perimeter duty takes a step forward to block my path as I go to duck under the yellow crime scene tape. 

“Excuse me Ma’am, you’re not allowed down there!” He says, crossing his arms and getting up in my face.

Before I can respond, I hear her voice coming up the hill.

“Hey Genius! What do you think you’re doing?”

He turns to see Gail glaring at him with her arms crossed over her chest. 

“I’m just guarding the access to our crime scene like you told me to, Ma’am.” He asserts.

“This is a senior member of our forensics team, Rookie! How is she supposed to do her job, with idiots like you getting in her way?” Gail moves right up into his personal space.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, “ He says to me, “I didn’t know.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” She points at what she likes to call my lunchbox.

He shrugs and steps out of the way mumbling some vague apology, clearly intimidated.

“Well, now you know!” She barks at him.

“Thank you Officer Peck! I think I can take it from here.” I smile at her, and try to keep myself from laughing out loud.

“Anytime Dr. Stewart! Just let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.” She says crisply. She licks her lips, and adds, leaning closer, “Anything at all…” in a low, soft voice. 

Visions of what we did last night flash suddenly through my head, making it hard to think of anything else. She smirks at the flush creeping up my cheeks. I swat playfully at her with the map I am holding.

“Would you care to show me where the bodies are located, or do I have to make use of my Extra Sensory Powers? Maybe I should just guess.” I ask arching my eyebrows at her.

“You could have just asked nicely.” She replies with a scowl.

I smirk expectantly.

“Ok fine.” She swaggers into the trail below. “Coming?”

I follow closely behind as she steps off the trail and into a clearing by what looks like an old garden shed. My team is already on the scene, marking the positions of the bodies and taking samples. One of my people waves me over to what looks like a compost heap.

“Hey Holly! I think you will find this interesting!” Jen says with a smile. She points at the ground where what appears to be an adult human scull is still half buried. 

I lean over for a better look when I realize Gail is still right behind me. 

“Oh, Jen, this is Gail. Gail. Jen.” I make an off-handed introduction without getting up. 

“Uh hi! So you’re Gail!” I hear Jen say cheerfully over my head.

“Uh yeah. I’m Gail.” She says sounding somewhat apprehensive.

“That’s great!” Chirps Jen, completely oblivious to the dirty look Gail is sending our way. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

Jen is a petit lab tech who always reminds me of a pixie with her perfect mocha skin, spiky black hair, brilliant green eyes and delicate features. I used to think she was fragile, until she kicked my ass in a Kung Fu class one night. We were both studying that, and Kendo at the same Dojo for a while. That was before I met Gail.

She turns back to me without waiting for a response from Gail, “So check out these marks, here and here.” Jen points at what appear to be slash marks, careful not to touch the bones yet. “I mean, I know it’s hard to say until we can get this back to the lab, but this looks newer and this one here looks like it started to heal.”  
“Whoa Nelly! Jen! You may be on to something big!” I exclaim. “So according to this,” I hold up the initial report, “Only one of the bodies has much remaining soft tissue, the other two are mostly bones, suggesting they may have been left here at different times.”

“That’s right Holly-San!” She gets up and makes her way across the clearing to a large clump of ancient Rhododendrons, under which the body of what appears to be the body of a partially decomposed young woman. “My best estimate is that this body has been here for at least eight months.”

“Thanks Jen! I’ll just have a look at the last body before I take all of the samples back to the lab to begin analysis. If you can get me a genetic sample from her before I go, I can begin processing her DNA as soon as I get back to the lab.” I say with a smile.

“Ok then Holly-San,” Gail says in a pointed tone behind me, “If you don’t need me, I’ll, um, just go back to interviewing the witnesses, if you don’t mind.” 

She is so cute when she’s jealous! I will have to tease her about it later. “No, go right ahead Gail. See you back at the lab?” 

“Uh yeah, I guess so.” She replies without turning back around.

 

It’s late when I get back to the morgue. The victims are just being laid out on tables when I make the call. 

A familiar voice answers the phone “Homicide.”

“Hey Traci, it’s Holly. I’m running the DNA from all three bodies, and our Entomologist thinks they were all stored in doors, like in an old basement with a dirt floor, until recently.” I say quickly.

“Thanks Holly!” Traci replies cheerfully, “Gail is on her way to pick up whatever you have, though she said something about stopping for Phó on the way. God, I wish somebody would pick me up something to eat!”

“Thanks Traci!” I grin into the phone “Oh, wait, here she is!”

I turn to see Gail struggling with the door to my office, large paper bag in hand, notebook held in her teeth. I can feel my face light up as I open the door and take the bag from her. I lean in for a brief kiss saying, “Mmmm… Gail, you sure know how to get a girl’s attention!”

She has been back to full active duty for two weeks, and things are going well. She huffs at me as she removes her gloves and coat. 

“Who’s Jen, Holly?” She asks before I have time to say anything else.

I place the bag of soup on my desk and turn with a smile. “Jen is someone I work with. And she’s a friend, though we don’t get to hang out much anymore.”

Gail fidgets, looks at the ground, and then back up at me. “ Is she, did you, where you guys….?”

“No, Gail. We were never a couple, if that’s what you are asking.” I say with a smile.

“Then how come you’ve never mentioned her before?” Gail glares at me.

“I don’t know. I mean we used to do martial arts together at the Dojo downtown, but then I stopped. And she has a new girlfriend. And for that matter, so do I.” I smile at her, “So we really only see each other at work now.” I explain, “I guess I never really thought about it, because I assumed you already knew each other.”

“Oh.” Gail looks concerned. “So why haven’t you told me about your exes? I mean you know about mine.” 

“Well… first, you said you didn’t want to know.” I say opening the bag and pulling out the soup, “It’s not like I am trying to hide anything from you.”

“Oh.” She says again looking at the floor.

I sigh, and come around my desk to pull her into my arms. She stands there, but doesn’t hug me back. 

“Gail,” I say kissing her softly on the forehead, “We can talk about this tonight at home if you would like. Why are you feeling so insecure all of a sudden?”

“I donno.” She hugs me fiercely then, and I realize she’s trying not to cry.

“Gail, what’s wrong?” I ask as we hold on to each other.

“I donno, I’m just tired I guess.” She nuzzles my shoulder.

“Ok, well, as long as I can get an early start tomorrow, I can get out of here just as soon as my interns finish the tox screen and the x-rays on these victims. So, with any luck, I should be off by seven.” I sooth her back with the palms of my hands, “Why don’t we have a quiet evening alone at home.”

“Ok.” She looks up at me, “I would like that.”

I kiss her again. “Now let’s eat before I am reduced to a quivering mass on the floor by the delicious smell coming from that soup!”

“Wait!” She demands taking a step back “You do martial arts? What are you, some kind of secret Ninja?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I quirk a eyebrow at her. “If you’re good, maybe I ‘ll show you some of my secret moves.” Her eyes go wide, and I can’t help but smirk at her reaction.


	21. Turn Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romance and Fluff (mostly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your reviews, comments, PMs, sugestions, etc... I love hearing from you!

Winter is holding Toronto in her icy fist again, arctic air blowing off the lake, tiny crystalline patterns forming on every surface of my car, and the scent of snow on the wind. In spite of the new keyless feature on my car, the door is frozen shut under a sheet of ice. I hate these freak spring storms! Ok, I don’t. But it doesn’t help that the temperature plummeted from a beautiful warm spring morning to the snow apocalypse while I was stuck in a windowless basement all day.

“Shit!” I grumble not quite under my breath, and pull harder, finally wrenching the door open, the perfect end to a perfectly hellish day. I sit, teeth chattering, body hunching into a ball, a blast of frigid air hitting me as my car roars to life. Nifty. 

I know it’s late, but traffic still grinds to a halt as the first large snow flakes begin to fall. Just what I need. I can’t wait to get home, crack open a bottle of wine and see if there are any leftovers in the fridge. Gail has been on a stake out with Andy and Traci for days and there is no telling when she will be home. 

Don’t get me wrong, I usually love my work! The three bodies that were found in the park last week are just the tip of the iceberg, or so it seems. Some of evidence seems to be pointing back to members of the Russian mob that were involved in the undercover case Gail and Dov worked earlier this year. Nothing in this world motivates Gail to work overtime like the exploitation of children. To be fair, I have been putting in some crazy hours myself, like this fourteen-hour shift I am just leaving now. Normally, I don’t mind going over every scrap of evidence that might be relevant with a fine toothcomb – twice, but the pressure is on this time. The Toronto chief prosecutor’s office has been impatiently calling my boss, and Elaine made an unannounced visit to my lab this morning with thinly veiled threats about making sure forensics doesn’t screw up. This case, and a bunch of new budgetary administrative rules are putting my boss on edge, and sending my interns into a state of nervous disarray. 

The only thing that helps is that Jen is back from her year long sabbatical at McGill University in Montréal, where she was a research fellow on a cutting edge molecular biology project. Not only is she a brilliant scientist who is passionate about her job, but she is also fun to be around. In spite of what Gail might think, I would never dream of dating her. We are far too much alike in ways that are both good and bad. This week, she and I have started blowing off steam by practicing Katas in the back hallway during breaks. Though I think watching us doing kick-spins, throws, and yesterday, when Jen got her Tanto Bokken out of the car, a knife fighting Kata, makes my interns nervous too. I don’t think it helps that Jen nailed the center of the memo on new overtime rules to the bulletin board with a scalpel from across the break room in a fit of frustration over the increase in paperwork. She just laughed and said “Good. That should keep them on their toes.” When I mentioned it to her. She then sashayed off to her lab, the embedded scalpel still vibrating from impact, leaving several bug-eyed, dumbstruck interns in her wake. I am beginning to think that if she and Gail ever do become friends, it could be dangerous.

I sigh and thank the municipal maintenance Gods as I turn on to our quiet street, that the snowplows have been through recently. The wind shifts, blowing with it a white lace curtain of snow that softens the trees and the corners of our roof. I can tell the teenagers from across the street has been here too, because our driveway is more or less clear. I find that I am, once again, eating my words about an attached, heated garage being an unnecessary, yuppie indulgence. I can feel the tension of the day drain from my body as the door slides closed behind me and I turn the car off. 

The first thing I notice when I step into the hall is the mind bending, mouth watering aroma of garlic, rosemary, cumin, and a bunch of other herbs and spices roasting with chicken, and other things I can’t quite identify. Hunger hits me so hard I barely stumble up the stairs. I didn’t see Gail’s car in her side of the garage, but I guess she must be home. As I open the door to the kitchen, I see lit pillar candles everywhere. And Gail. Gail is standing with her back to me, holding a glass of red wine, and staring out at the snow. She is wearing a little, backless, dark blue velvet dress, and bare feet. With her new haircut, I see the graceful curve of her neck, the cadence of her shoulders and an expanse of skin running down her spine I want to touch, if not taste. I feel suddenly flushed, too hot for my winter clothes. My mind races, wondering if there was an occasion I forgot. I know it’s not Valentine’s Day, or her birthday, or Christmas. Were we supposed to go somewhere tonight? She turns slowly as she hears me enter the room. Her eyes are wide and dark, open, trusting. Her skin glows in the candlelight, it glints off of the emerald charm on her chest as she moves toward me on silent feet. I am rooted to the spot. She places her wine on the counter, takes my bag from my hand and places it on a chair, then slowly, deliberately, moves to close the gap between us. I start to fidget with my glasses, but she gently removes them too. Her mouth tastes like wine, and comfort, and longing. Her hands slide beneath my coat, removing that too, and hanging it on the back of a chair.

“Gail?” I begin.

She pushes me back so I am sitting on a stool by the counter, and places her fingers on my lips. Crouching down between my legs, she helps to remove my boots and socks. The palms of her hands ghost up my thighs as she stands up, leaning in to kiss me again.

“Come on.” She picks up her wine and tugs me to me feet by the hand, leading me into our living room where a fire burns in the fireplace and there are more candles everywhere. There is also an array of dishes spread across the coffee table containing a variety of cold tapas, and another wineglass for me.

“Gail? What is all of this?” I ask in a hushed tone

Instead of answering me directly, she ducks her head and then turns with a shy smile. “Would you like to eat now? Or shall we take our wine into the shower?” 

“Are you trying to get me drunk so that you can take advantage of me?” I ask lifting an eyebrow at her.

“Maybe…” Comes the quiet answer. 

Her lips are on mine again soft, but insistent. She plucks at the buttons on my shirt as my hand finds its way down the back of her dress. God, she looks gorgeous! My heart nearly stops when I realize there is nothing but skin under that dress. She laughs softly into my lips as she feels my breath hitch.

“Maybe we should eat something.” She pushes me down onto the couch, handing me my wine. My eyes follow her into the kitchen. Soon, she is back carrying a platter of crepes covered in a variety of sauces, and two forks. The aroma its self is heavenly!

“Gail,” I begin cautiously, “Did you cook all this?”

“I did.” Her eyes sparkle, and she seems quite pleased with herself.

I take a tentative bite of what turns out to be savory chicken and spinach with a rosemary cream sauce. Delicious!

“This is delicious! But you don’t cook.” I state narrowing my eyes at her.

“Just because generally I hate to cook, doesn’t mean I can’t, Holly.” She shoots back.

“Well all I can say is wow! This is amazing!” I love the way she blushes and ducks her head shyly at the complement.

“No, “ she says, “No, you are.” And reaches over to caress my arm with her fingertips.

I find my appetite suddenly gone. She scoots closer brushing my hair back behind my ear. I swallow around the growing lump in my throat.

“Gail,” I manage in an embarrassingly horse voice, “What is all this? Not that I’m complaining, but did I miss something I should remember?”

“No, “ She whispers with a tiny smile, “I know it’s not much but, I just wanted to surprise you with a quiet, romantic dinner because you are so wonderful, and you make my life complete.” She says the last part so softly I can barely hear her.

“Oh.” I am so overwhelmed I don’t know what to say.

We eat in silence for a while, exchanging glances and the occasional soft touch. God, I want to touch her! Finally, she gets up, picking up her wine she kisses me briefly with just enough force to make my toes curl. She walks in the direction of the sliding glass doors. She has got to be kidding! Fluffy bath towels and thick terrycloth robes sit folded on the floor.

“So”, she says with a knowing smirk “Why don’t we take our desert out into the hot tub?”

She wriggles her shoulders. The sexy little blue dress slides to the floor. Picking up a freshly opened bottle of wine she looks back over her shoulder, winks at me, and walks naked out into the storm. It takes me about two seconds to recover, shed my clothes, grab my wine, and follow.


	22. Fire and Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 21 continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, you asked for it. You got it! Have a little after dinner smutt. Enjoy! ) Thanks again for all of your comments, PMs, reviews, etc...

Snow flakes leave icy pinpricks on my skin as I cross the deck, bare feet sliding on wood, wet and slick with ice. Gail is a vision of beauty obscured, softened by steam rising from our tub. I carefully place my wine glass on the edge and vault into the hot water with a splash and a sigh. Not so graceful, but I'm here, and this is heaven! Gail smiles and reaches for my hands, pulling me in to her in the center of the tub. Our breath mingles in white puffs adding to the steam. Her skin feels electric, molten and velvet as our bodies rub lightly together, floating, barely touching, but enough to light a fire in my core. I still can't believe how wonderful she has made tonight. It's a side of her that I believe she is just allowing to shine through, a side she would have called a weakness not too long ago.

She touches my face so softly with fingertips that ghost up my cheek, feather over my eyebrows and eyelids, and whisper across my lips, her eyes wide and full of love and wonder, before she leans in to kiss me again. It's as if she is trying to embed every contour of my face into her memory forever. Her mouth opens inviting me in, hands pulling gently now at my waist to glide me onto her lap. Her eyes fly open with a gasp as I lightly palm her breasts, and rub her quickly stiffening nipples between thumbs and forefingers. She moans and grips my butt hard, pulling me apart, hot water heightening all sensation as she shifts to ride me on her hip. I moan into her lips, leaning in to kiss her harder now, more insistently. I reach up and brush the ice from her hair, running it through my fingers, and finally rubbing her head to tousle it gently. She pushes her head against my hand, eyes half shut with pleasure. She runs her fingertips up and down my spine causing me to shiver.

Without warning, she pushes me away and scoots to a corner of the tub where she picks up her wine. I mirror her actions on the other side of the tub, suddenly unsure if Gail is going into sensory overload, or simply retreat, or what. The wine is cool and strong, going straight to my head. I breathe deeply, realizing the combination of hot water and wine has relaxed every muscle, every fiber, every reflex in my body, and wonder if it is having the same effect on Gail.

"Thank you again for tonight", I begin, "This is…"

Her legs stretch across the tub until her toes find mine.

"I just wanted to take a moment," She says softly, "I wanted to take a moment before… well… you know…"

I can't help but grin at her. I love it when she becomes emotionally open and kind of bashful. I wiggle my eyebrows at her over the rim of my glass.

"Stop it!" She splashes water at me, "I'm trying to tell you something!"

I put down my glass and look into her eyes. "I'm listening."

"I know the past month or so has been hard on you. Ever since… well, you know, ever since I got hurt. And I know its been stressing you out, and you worry…" She continues.

"It's ok Gail". I try to sooth.

"No, it's obviously not ok." She insists.

I sigh because she is right. I have been trying to hide it, but I do worry.

"Anyway, I don't know how to fix that, but I can promise to do everything in my power to walk through that door in one piece, and always find a way to come home to you." She says crossing the tub and sitting next to me. "Just promise me you won't freak out and leave me. Or at least warn me before you do…"

Her eyes are enormous. I kiss her gently and murmur "I love you Gail, and I'm not going anywhere, even if your dangerous job does freak me out sometimes."

She scoots closer and lifts me off the seat, her hands on my lower back floating my body between the heat of the water and the cold snowy air. She leans down to carefully kiss each one of my ribs. The front of my body is very cold; the back of my body is hot. The heat of her mouth on my breast makes me moan and shake. She slides a hand up my body to support my head as she sucks harder on my nipple. I think, anything that feels this good should probably be illegal. She works her way down my sternum with tongue and lips, kissing my belly, and making her way between my legs. She kisses the top of my pelvic bone and looks up to smile into my eyes. I reach back to grip the edge of the tub behind me to steady myself. I hear myself gasp as she edges lower, teasing me with the tip of her tongue. Weightless, my body rests in her hands that buoy me up to press against the heat of her wanting mouth. My breath comes in gasps and sighs.

"Fuck!" I exhale as she enters me deeply, curling her fingers against my sweet spot.

The fingers of my left hand tangle in her hair, as I grip the edge of the tub tighter, holding on and pulling her deeper into me.

"Harder!" I whimper.

My body arches into her rhythm, desperate for release. She pulls her arm back, teasing my entrance before slamming into me with all her might. Her eyes are closed, her whole body rocks with mine. She opens her eyes. I hear my own cries growing louder. My eyes close, literally seeing stars as my world implodes. She ducks under my leg and floats up next to me to hold me close.

She whimpers as I reach for her and cries out as I enter into her waiting core. I kiss her hard, knowing only her, only this as she enters me again. Her nails dig into my shoulder and my fingers grip her waist. Our faces touching as our breath comes out in gasps and cries. She groans and bites my neck to muffle her scream as she cums hard on my fingers. Looking up with eyes that pierce my soul she cums again, sending me reeling over the edge with her.

"I love you!" I manage to gasp, mid-orgasm, still holding her gaze.

Tears well up in her eyes.

"I love you, Holly!" She whispers back as her whole body shakes and goes rigid.

Scooting back to sit in one of the seats, she pulls me across her lap, cradling me in her arms. The realization hits me then as I look at her, skin flushed, bathed in steam, snow sticking to her hair and eyelashes, that this is what happiness is. It swells up in my chest and fills my heart to overflowing. Wrapping my arms around her neck I kiss her, because there are no more words.


	23. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your reviews, suggestions, PMs, and comments! You are what keeps me writing this crazy story! I hope you enjoy it!

Opening the door to our home, I hear the murmur of voices in the other room. It's late, and I peak my head around the corner to find Gail and Yuri hunched over documents that litter the dining room table. They look up at me and nod in acknowledgement of my presence, but continue to conspire in hushed voices. I can't hear what they're saying, but it wouldn't matter anyway. I can't understand Russian, or Ringlish as Gail likes to call her attempt at the language. Yuri is Gail's Russian tutor and handler from the International Commission on Human Trafficking. Gail has been recruited to help run the back end of things this time, putting her language skills and knowledge of the inside of the various crime organizations involved in this case to good use. Not only has she been helping to interview the rescued teenage girls that have been slowly filtering through the station, but she has also been playing the dumb blond cop who only speaks English when suspects have been brought in for questioning.

I will never admit to Gail my great relief when it became clear that she would not be going undercover again on this assignment, although I think she knows. It's simply too dangerous. If she were to run into any of DuFort's former colleagues, they would know her for what she is and it would blow the entire operation. They all think she died with Luc on that ship, her body dumped into the sea. If they were to ever find out the truth, she, no, we might never be safe again.

I pick up the menu for the Thai place from the door of the fridge. I'm just too tired to cook anything.

"Hey!" I poke my head back into the dining room, "I'm starving! Did you guys eat yet? I'm ordering out for Thai delivery."

I don't know why I bother asking. I already know the answer.

"Thank you Holly, " Yuri says with a charming smile and thick accent, "We have not. But please, do not worry about me. I can eat when I get home."

"Just ignore him." Gail rolls her eyes at me, "You know what I like, and get Yuri some of those beef noodles you got last time."

"Thank you!" Yuri turns to her, "But I do not wish to inconvenience your beautiful wife!"

Gail blushes a deep crimson. "Yeah, uh, erm, (cough)" She chokes "It's fine."

Gail is so adorable when she gets flustered like this. I realize that she probably has not discussed the nature of our relationship with him, and is now freaking out.

I smile at him and say, "Thank you Yuri! But it's no trouble at all!"

Yuri looks confused. "I'm sorry Gail, I simply meant to complement. I hope I did not offend either one of you! It is a cultural thing. No?"

"No. And really, it's fine! And thank you!" I grin as I watch Gail take a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself.

The food arrives some twenty minutes later, and I'm glad I over ordered, as Gail teases. When we all load up our plates, it becomes clear that they are each as hungry as I am. I open a bottle of red, and offer them some wine. Yuri refuses, and Gail just shrugs. This is new.

"Wait, wait, what's going on?" I say narrowing my eyes. "Don't tell me… Are you guys still on duty, or something?"

"No?" Gail says unconvincingly

"What does that mean?" I glare at them with my hands on my hips, daring one of them to speak.

Yuri looks away, excuses himself, and goes into the kitchen. I can hear water running from the icemaker on the fridge.

"Coward." Gail mumbles beneath her breath, and then begins shoveling Pad Thai into her mouth at top speed.

"Gail?" I ask again firmly.

She finally stops chewing and swallows.

"Well… um… Not really? I mean we're, um, kind of on call, well stand by really…" Gail flashes me a super fake smile knowing I'm probably not going to be happy about whatever this is, at all.

"Stand by for what? Gail?" I push for an answer, "Stand by for what?"

I can feel the bottom drop out of the pit of my stomach.

"Well, you know all those bodies that have been turning up in parks all over the city…" She begins

This case has become a priority for my department too. More bodies of young women that seem to be undocumented, between the ages of twelve and twenty, have been found, with evidence of having been badly abused for months prior to being killed. In spite of budget cuts, my staff and I have been putting in extra hours causing a mountain of new paperwork that has made me come home after eight every night so far this week.

"Ok… " I practically growl at her.

"You know what, I can't really talk about the details of this." She hedges.

I adjust my glasses and give her a hard look. Yuri comes back into the room. He looks helplessly from her to me, and back again.

"You know, " he says, clearing his throat, "It's late, Tatiana is going to be wondering where I am. She worries, you know.."

"Oh no!" Gail snaps at him, "Not so fast!"

His wife, Tatiana also works for the International Commission on Human Trafficking, and is in charge coordinating the undercover part of this op. We all know that she is probable going over some nit-picky budgetary detail and has kicked Yuri and Gail out of the office so she can concentrate, like she has on several other days this week.

He stops and shrugs. "Ok Holly," He says, "What do you want to know."

"First of all, " I fume, "What are you on call for?" I shake my head and glare at him, "And next, when were the two of you planning on saying something about this to me?" I can't seem to help myself from gesturing wildly with my hands.

"Ok Holly," He is holding his hands expressively out in front of him, "Don't be mad…"

"Don't be mad?" I know I'm going off the deep end with this, "Don't be mad!"

There is a soft hand on my arm. I whip around to glare at Gail, who takes a step forward.

"Holly. Honey…" The soft term of endearment used in the presence of another person stops me in my tracks. "I didn't say anything because I had no idea when this raid was happening, and I didn't want you to worry unnecessarily."

"Raid? What raid?!" I hear my voice and know that I must sound like a lunatic. "And what do you mean by worry unnecessarily?" I'm gesturing again.

She and Yuri look at each other no doubt gauging how much they should say. I brush a strand of stray hair from my eyes.

"Come on Gail!" I insist, "I'm not just another one of the wives you can tell some fairytale to. I work with you! I see the results of what happens out there in my lab every day!"

Gail sighs. "Ok Holly, maybe I should have said something sooner, but there really wasn't anything to tell."

"Until now."

She nods. "Until now." She concedes.

"So," She continues, "We have had a tip from one of the undercover teams that a new shipment of girls and possibly cocaine is expected to make it here within the week. There will be a party where VIP pervs, potential buyers, can meet the new batch of girls and place bids on them. We also understand that there will be a number of repeat customers there."

"The only thing we don't know at this time," Yuri interrupts, "Is exactly when or where this will take place. Or what happens with the older girls. We think these perverts trade them in, so to speak, but some of them may murder their older girl themselves. We just don't know. But what we do know is that this is an opportunity to catch all parties in the same place at the same time, and hopefully get there before they are able to do harm to any of the young women in question."

"But you're not going in to this party as undercover…" I say slowly.

"No." Gail says shaking her head. "After our undercover couple give the word, ETF will storm the building. We, Yuri and I, will just be a part of the second tear clean-up sweep."

"What does that mean?" I give her a searching look.

"That means," Gail takes a step forward and runs her hands comfortingly up my arms, "That I won't be on the front lines this time. That I, that we, will only go in to help process the scene after it has been cleared by ETF."

"Oh." I say, not really comforted, but somewhat relieved.

"Listen, our food is getting cold." She continues, "And it's getting to be late enough that it probably won't be tonight."

She cleans up the scattered paperwork, and we all sit down to eat in silence. When we are done, Yuri says goodnight. On his way out the door he turns and takes my hand.

"Your Gail is very special." He says looking me in the eye. "Don't worry. There are many good people looking out for her."

He kisses my cheek and turns to go.

"Thank you Yuri! That means a lot!" I smile at him as he disappears into the night.

As I close the front door, her arms encircle my waist, and her cheek falls against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She whispers in my ear.

I rub her hands that are folded across my belly, and sigh.

"I'm sorry." She says again, "I should have told you sooner."

I turn in her arms and drop my forehead against hers. "I'm sorry too." I whisper. "I guess I kind of over reacted."

She laughs softly. "Just a little."

"Ok, maybe a lot." I concede, leaning in to kiss her.

She deepens the kiss in a way I never intended, but can't say I mind. She pulls me closer nuzzling my neck insistently.

"So, now I'm your beautiful wife." I tease, "When did that happen?"

She blushes, and nuzzles me again, "I donno, Holly. It could though. Maybe. If you wanted to…" She murmurs into my neck, and kisses me again.

I feel myself flush, and my breath catch in my throat. She kisses me harder.

"Come on, " Her voice is low, and soft, and sexy, "Let's go to bed." And takes me by the hand to lead me through our dark house.


	24. Enough Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments, reviews, and PMs!

I look up to see Gail leaning in the doorway of my lab looking like the cat that ate the canary. There is a sparkle in her eyes and an energy of barely contained excitement about her, in spite of the grueling hours she has been working to wrap up this case. I know she must be as exhausted as I am. The raid went down like clockwork two nights ago, and we have both been working steadily ever since.

“Hey Gail!” I greet her, “I do hope one of those coffees is for me.”

“Well, “ She says, a grin growing on her face, “That all depends…”

“Ok…” I smile at her. “How much time can you take off?” She asks, winking at me, her grin growing wider.

“I don’t know Gail, I mean I have an awful lot to get done today…” I begin. Visions of Gail playing “bad cop” with me in my office run in slow motion through my mind. I feel my eyes widen and my breath catch slightly.

“Not right now! So you can pick your tongue up off the floor, even though I know I’m too sexy for this uniform!” She swaggers past me into the room and places one of the coffees on my desk.

“Oh. Ok…” I know I must look confused.

“Days off, Nerd. Days off. You know, vacation time. Cuz I know you never use all of yours up.” She smirks at me.

“Well,” I take a deep breath, “I don’t know, I’ll have to check. Why are you asking?”

She looks truly smug about something. “Guess where I’m going!” she rocks back and forth on her toes.

“I donno Gail, where are you going?” I reach for my coffee, remove the lid, and inhale deeply.

“Come on Holly, guess!” her eyes sparkle with anticipation. “

I donno Gail… um… Paris?” I take a wild guess at someplace she likes to dream about.

“That’s right!” She practically explodes.

“What?” I am truly surprised I got it right.

“Well ok, “ She begins, “Yuri and Tatiana and I just got invited to go speak at the International Conference on Children’s Rights in London next month. And I need a Plus One.”

“You hate public speaking.” I interject.

"Yeah, but my mother won’t be there, and Yuri will do most of it. And then I thought we could take the EuroStar to Paris afterward and spend a week there drinking wine, taking walks by the Seine and down the Champs-Élysées, and well, you know…”

“I don’t know Gail,” I start, “That sounds kind of expensive.”

“Well, our airfare and the London part would be covered by The International Commission on Human Trafficking, and The Toronto Police Department, so that just leaves Paris to me. Did I mention that Yuri said you should come too? All of your expenses for the conference would be covered. Please say yes!” Her enthusiasm is contagious.

I can’t help but laugh. “Ok, ok! I’ll talk to my boss. I’ll do it!”

“Thank you!” She sings and launches herself into my arms.

I am not sure I have ever seen her so happy or excited about anything!

Her phone chimes and vibrates at her. “Oh shit. I have to get this.” She picks up the phone and turns away. “Peck. Uh huh. Yup. Ok. Yeah, I’ll be right there.” She sighs and turns back to me. “Sorry Holly, I gotta go.”

“That’s ok. I should be getting back to this anyway.” I smile at her. “See you tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. Listen, a bunch of us are talking about going out to the Penny for a couple of drinks later. Maybe you can join us?” She says hopefully.

“Maybe. We’ll see how I feel when I’m done. I might just want to go home and take in a movie or something.” I say giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Ok. Well I’ll call you later then.” She smiles and strides off with a cocky spring in her step.

I love seeing her this happy and excited about something.

“And you will definitely see me tonight!” she calls happily over her shoulder.

The afternoon drags on with more DNA samples and dental records that need to be run. Not just the five new bodies from the big case that Gail is working on, but there is also a rape kit brought in from St. Michael’s this morning, one gang related shooting, and a missing persons report for an elderly gentleman who wandered away from his nursing home last night. The gang related shooting is on my table now, waiting to go to x-ray.

My phone chimes in my office and I look at the time. Four thirty. I strip off my gloves to check my messages and take a break. Maybe I’ll go make myself some tea. The text from Gail reads simply “Something just came up. I will be late. Call you later xoxo G.”

I sigh, and head for the break room. It’s not like I don’t have a million things to do piling up in my lab today. Jen comes in looking tired and somewhat frazzled herself.

“Hey Holly, you’ll never guess what just came in.” she says with a frown.

“I donno Jen, do I look psychic to you?” I snipe back.

“Freakin’ criminals! Don’t they know we have a major case to finish processing this week?” She grumbles. “Damn mugging gone sideways! Stabbed the guy and ran. I’ve got more freakin’ blood samples to deal with than Dracula at a vampire bar!”

“I take it you’re supposed to have a hot date tonight?” I laugh at her.

“Uh yeah. That too.” She sighs, “I guess I should call Kate and let her know I’ll be running late.”

“You know what,” I sigh, “I’ll take care of it. Just go.”

“I can’t do that to you!” Jen says halfheartedly.

“Sure you can.” I grin at her. “You have been working all kinds of crazy overtime, and I know it’s been keeping you away from your new girl. Now go on, get out of here before I change my mind!”

“Thanks Holly!” She says, tossing her half eaten apple into the trash, “I owe you one!” She calls over her shoulder as she rushes for the door.

I sigh and grab a Greek Yogurt from one of the vending machines. I may as well let Gail know I will be coming home late too. I pick up my phone and text, “Back up at the lab. I’m running late too. Don’t wait up if you get home first. XxooxxOO H”

“K <3” Comes the reply moments later.

I smile and tuck my phone into the pocket of my lab coat, just in case.

 

* * *

 

It’s well after midnight when I drag myself out to my car. I haven’t heard from Gail since around six, but that’s not unusual if she’s deep into something at work. She did warn me. I roll down the windows of my car and turn on the radio to keep me awake on the ride home. The one o’clock news is just finishing with a story about a warehouse fire across town that is shutting down some of the major area roadways before the station turns from classical to jazz. Normally I would love it, but I’m so tired, I quickly flip to a rock station for something less mellow.

Gail isn’t home when I get there, but that’s ok. I would rather have her staying over at the station barracks than falling asleep at the wheel of her car in an attempt to make it home. I barely manage to brush my teeth and shed my clothes before crawling into bed. I swear I am asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

 

* * *

 

Sunlight, and a soft spring breeze stream through our open bedroom window as I am awakened by sound of our doorbell going off. It’s going to be a beautiful day! The doorbell rings, again. What the…? I look at the time to see that it’s barely eight o’clock. I don’t have to be at work until ten today. I’m pretty sure I told Traci I wouldn’t be going running with her and Andy this morning. Maybe she forgot. Gail still isn’t here, but if she was, I’m sure she would scare the dickens out of whoever was leaning on our bell at this hour.

“All right! All right! I’m getting up!” I mumble as the doorbell sounds again.

I push myself up into a vertical position and I reach for sweats and a t-shirt.

“Just a minute!” I call out as I pad to the door on bare feet.

I open the door to find Dov and Gail’s mother, Superintendant Elaine Peck, in full dress uniform on our doorstep. This can’t be good.

“Hey,” I say warily, “What’s going on?”

Silence.

“Where’s Gail?” I ask as the first twinge of panic begins to form in the pit of my stomach.

Dov takes a deep breath and steps forward. It’s then that I notice his eyes are all wrong.

“Holly,” He begins slowly, “Aw shit, I don’t know how to say this…”

I just look at him. Pain hits me like a wall, engulfing my senses. But I just stand there looking at him, unable to move.

“I am so sorry,” He begins again, not able to look at me. “There was an explosion, and a fire…” His voice trails off unable to finish.

My whole body is numb. This can’t be happening. The day is suddenly unnaturally bright. I look helplessly from him to Elaine. Our eyes meet and I know. Time slows down as I watch her break, shatter really, like glass.

“Oh God!” She moans, “My baby, my baby girl…” she sobs and crumples into my arms.

* * *

 

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

\- The Band Perry


	25. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If someone said three years from now
> 
> You'd be long gone
> 
> I'd stand up and punch them out
> 
> Cause they're all wrong
> 
> I know better
> 
> Cause you said forever
> 
> My darling
> 
> Who knew
> 
> \- Pink

Today has been surreal at best. I can't believe Gail and Chris are probably dead. Dov and I finally managed to get Elaine inside the house and on to the couch where we have been sitting in numb silence, watching the news on TV for what seems like hours ever since. I wish I could say that I didn't think of Elaine as a monster before today, because now all I see is a pathetic, shattered woman with a lifetime of regrets, trying to hold on to the pieces of a relationship with her daughter, and an ending that will never make sense.

It suddenly hits me like a lightning bolt, "Oh Shit! I need to go back to my office! Gail's case… I'm not done! The prosecutor's office is waiting for my report…" I gasp, springing to my feet.

"Holly, don't worry about that now." Elaine's voice comes softly, "My secretary is taking care of everything."

I can't seem to swallow the lump that is forming in my throat making it impossible to speak, so I simply nod at her.

I hear the front door open, and just for a second I think it's Gail coming home. Traci and Steve appear in the doorway with Bill, Gail's father, looking frail and shaken, trailing close behind. The Peck men sit on either side of Elaine, who takes Steve's hand and leans heavily on her husband. Traci hugs both Dov and me in turn.

"Holly, is there anything I can do?" She asks quietly.

I shrug noncommittally.

"Would you like me to call your family, or do you want to do it?" She says in a hushed voice.

I just shake my head and look at the floor.

"So… does that mean you will call them?" She asks again

I shake my head again. "Can you do it?" I whisper.

I know it's dumb, but feel like, if I don't say it, it won't be real. I cue Laurel's number up on my phone and hand it to Traci, who mercifully takes it into the other room where I can't hear her.

Oliver and Celery arrive bringing enough food to feed and army, followed by Yuri and Tatiana, with more food and a bottle of Polish Vodka that he sets before me on the coffee table.

I know I should eat something, but I am frozen and my stomach is a ball of solid ice. It's only quarter past ten, but I get up and go to our bar pulling out a tray of shot glasses and my bottle of JD. I set them on the table next to the vodka. Elaine reaches forward and pours herself a shot of bourbon. She kicks it back quickly and pours herself another one that she places on the table in front of her. Tears leak from her closed eyes. She wipes them briskly away, opens her eyes, and sits up straighter. Steve glances at her and then stares down at his hands looking lost.

"Thank you Holly." She smiles sadly at me as I hand her a tissue, and for the first time I see genuine warmth in her eyes.

"She loves you." I say quietly.

"You have no idea how much I need to believe that right now." Elaine says so softly I barely catch her words.

"It's true." I say, not quite knowing how to deal with this.

"I know she thinks I only care about myself," Elaine continues, using the tissue to blot under her eyes. "I know that I can be critical, but I have only ever wanted the best for her, for both of my children." She reaches over and gives Steve's arm a squeeze. "I never thought that it would come to this."

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. I just look at her.

"I wanted Gail to be with a man who would be good enough for her, but I can see now that I was wrong." She says, shaking her head. "I'm so glad she has had you in her life, Holly. If I could do it over, maybe I could find a way to let her know just how much I love her, and how proud I am of her."

"Thank you Elaine." I say softly.

She nods and looks back at the television. Steve looks over at me with wide eyes and a stunned expression.

More coverage of the fire runs on the TV. We mutely watch the screen as the reporter on the scene announces that there are unconfirmed reports of two Toronto Police Officers who may have lost their lives in the blaze.

As Oliver returns from the kitchen, he grabs Dov, who is pacing the length of the living room, into a fierce embrace, unashamed of the tears streaming down his cheeks. Dov breaks down, sobbing into Oliver's shoulder.

"It's ok Kid, it's ok…" I hear him murmur to Dov.

Every so often Elaine's radio crackles to life, but so far there is no new news. Images of the fire from the TV are imprinted on my brain, searing every single one of my nerve endings. I can't take it anymore. I get up and wander out onto the back deck to get some air. Looking out over the trees that surround our back yard, I feel like I may be able to breathe again. Gail loved this view. She said that part of the reason she loved this house was because the trees made her feel like we were here all alone, while still being close to everything. The worst part of this is that Gail and Chris's bodies have yet to be recovered from the blaze. That and the waiting, waiting for any news to come from the Fire Department. It's pretty clear there could be no survivors, but the wait for the inevitable is killing me.

From what Dov managed to tell me, the call came in last night, just as the shift was about to change. An alarm was going off in one of the warehouses by the docks. Chris and Dov had been riding together all day, but Gail knew that this was one of the warehouses that were on the watch list for her case. And besides, Dov had a hot date with Chloe that night and didn't want to be late. Gail told him with a smirk, what could be better? Doing her job, earning points with Yuri, and making him owe her one. A favor Dov assured me tearfully, he would repay her by looking after me every day of his life. I tried to tell him that wouldn't be necessary, that it wasn't his fault. But he insisted that it should be him in there, not Gail, and wouldn't be talked down. It will be impossible to know what happened until the fire investigators have finished their report, but its pretty clear that Gail and Chris were on the scene at the warehouse when the explosion that sparked the fire occurred.

There is a gentle hand on my arm, and I turn to find Nick standing there. He looks like he is going to be sick. His eyes are red and sunken against his sheet white complexion. Maybe he already has been.

He clears his throat, "I know you must hate me, but I loved her too." He says in a horse whisper.

"I know." I whisper back, and reach out to take his hand.

This is ridiculous! My house is filling up with all of the people who love Gail and Chris, and I am standing on my back deck holding hands with Nick, and looking out at the trees. I should hate him. But I find this, of all things to be strangely comforting. I hear the door slide open behind us, and turn just in time to see Andy shake her head, burst into tears, and run back into the house. Nick sighs, and puts his arm around my shoulder. I lean into him and continue to stare out at the trees in silence. If I could just stay right here forever, I could stay in the illusion that things might be ok.

Celery is suddenly standing beside me. She moves so quietly I didn't know she was there until she handed Nick a mug of some kind of tea. Her eyes are enormous and sad as she sets another mug on the railing in front of me.

She pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear, "Don't give up Holly! We need you!"

I pull back, my eyes desperately searching hers to see if there is something she knows that we don't, but all I find is compassion. She kisses my cheek and urges me to drink my tea. I am surprised to find that it is simply green tea with chamomile and rose petals, sweetened with honey. It tastes good, and it gives my hands something to do. Gail hates tea. She will drink it because I do, with lots of cream and sugar, but I know she would rather be drinking coffee or liquor.

I am about to go back inside when the door slides almost violently open and Jen bursts onto the deck, flinging herself at me with a stricken look on her face. She wraps me in a hug so tight it takes my breath away.

"Oh God Holly! I am so sorry!" She begins, pulling away slightly to look at me with such intensity I almost can't bear it. "If there is anything, anything at all…"

I take a deep breath and say, "Thanks Jen, I appreciate it!"

Suddenly the deck and the house are too small. I need to get out of here! I give Jen a squeeze and walk back into the house.

"Hey," I begin. Everyone stops and turns to look at me. "I think I'm going to go for a run. Does anyone want to join me?"

Dov looks up from his tea, "Uh yeah, why don't we do that." He says, setting it down and getting to his feet.

In the end, Dov, and Andy, and Traci, and Nick, and Jen, and Chloe, and Sam join me. We move through the park in a pack, with nothing but the sound of our sneakers hitting the pavement. After about 5k my breath doesn't come as easily, at 10k my muscles are beginning to burn, but I don't stop.

"Ok Holly," Chloe pants beside me, "I think I've had enough and I'm going to turn around."

I nod and keep going. As long as I am running, as long as I am in motion, I can concentrate on that. At 15k I slow to a walk, Jen and Dov are barely winded in spite of the distance and the pace I set. Traci and Nick aren't far behind leaving Andy to bring up the rear with Sam. I can't seem to stop, but my feet find their way back to our cars in the lot. We all do yoga stretching on the grass. Jen bows to me and we start to go through a simple Kata, slowly at first, and then at top speed, much to the amazement of the gathered officers. It feels good to hit something hard! Finally, I send Jen flying. She laughs as I pull her up off the ground. Wow. I needed that! And now it's time that I guess we should be getting back.

I let Jen drive, and the ride home is quiet. The closer we get the more I am dreading it. I know it's the middle of the afternoon, but I need this day to be over. All I want to do is take a shower, and go to bed curled up around one of Gail's shirts. When we get to the house, Oliver is waiting for us.

"Hey Holly," He says, gently taking me by the elbow and leading me inside, "The Chief Fire Inspector is here. Superintendent Peck insisted that he wait for you to come home before briefing us all."

"Oh. Ok." Is all I can manage.

A mixture of gratitude for waiting, toward Elaine and Bill and Steve, and the feeling of dread growing in my chest makes it hard to breathe. As I walk into the living room, an older man in a crisp Fire Department uniform stands up, along with everyone else.

Elaine introduces us, "Holly, this is Chief Fire Inspector Scott O'Conner, Inspector O'Connor, this is Dr. Holly Stewart from our forensics department, and Gail's Partner."

We shake hands and he begins, "As you may or may not yet know, we have finally been able to put down the fire in Warehouse Seventeen-eighty-two. While the structure remains unstable, we are unable to conduct an extensive search. But rest assured we are doing everything in our power to bring your loved ones home."

I feel suddenly dizzy as if all of the blood has drained from my body, the memory of Gail's words, very much like these, echoing through my head, her pledge to be safe, to come home to me. There is the smallest flash of anger in my gut as he says this. I push it down, not ready to feel anything yet. But wait, there seems to be more.

"We did find this on the floor of the entry way to the parking structure that was attached to the warehouse." He hands Elaine a very crumpled, partially burned and muddy Police cap. "Once again, the structure is far too unstable at this time to do an extensive search."

Elaine turns the cap over in her hands, smiles sadly and hands it to me. On the inside, taped with clear packing tape to the top of the crown, is a photo of Gail and me laughing at Leo's tenth birthday party. I feel the sharp flash of anger again, followed by a wave of pain, knowing I will never hear her laugh again.

"I'm sorry Elaine, Bill, I wish there was more I could tell you at this time." He says.

"Thank you Scott. I'm sure you will keep us informed of any developments." Elaine smiles and shakes his hand.

"I'm very sorry." He says again looking around the room before he turns to go.

I try to say something, anything, but I can't, and it seems that my legs won't support me anymore either. All I can do is sit there looking at that fucking picture inside of Gail's hat, and feel the weight of it all begin to descend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to say that I am overwhelmed by your response to the last chapter! Thank you all for reading and for all of your comments and PMs!
> 
> I know many of you may hate me right now. As in life, things sometimes seem to get worse before they get better. Please hang in there, there is more to come.


	26. Deep Purple

When the deep purple falls  
Over sleepy garden walls  
And the stars begin to flicker in the sky  
Through the mist of a memory   
You wander back to me  
Breathing my name with a sigh…

\- Peter DeRose and Mitchell Parish

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You should try to get some rest.” Jen says handing me two pentagonal tablets and a glass of water. 

I nod and pop them quickly into my mouth. The house is quiet, and dark, and empty. Only Jen remains, having promised almost everyone that she would take care of me. The department shrink has come and gone, handing out Lorazepam like it was candy. I honestly can’t wait for its effects to send me to a place of oblivion. 

Traci and Steve have finally taken Gail’s parents home after one final call from the Fire Department letting us know that one adult male body was recovered from the warehouse so far, but it’s likely that dental records will be needed to make an ID. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” She asks with a concerned look on her face.

“No. No, thanks Jen.” I sigh, far too drained to put up a fight if she insists. “I think I just want to be alone right now.”

Denise, Christian and Chris’s mom will be arriving at the airport on the ten a. m. flight from Timmins, and Laurel will be taking the red eye into town tomorrow night. I’m not sure when my parents will get here, but they called to say they are making arrangements to come as soon as possible.

“Are you sure?” She gives my knee a little shake.

“Yeah,” I continue wearily, “People will be back tomorrow, and besides you should get home to Kate.”

“It’s totally ok. She understands. You know?” She persists.

“No, don’t worry, I’ll be drooling into my pillow soon enough.” I try to crack a smile, and fail. “Go home and make love to that girl of yours, cuz you never know…” 

“Ok, but I’ll be back in the morning!” She gives me a hug and pushes herself off the couch.

“Ok.” I get up and hug her briefly again. “And thanks.” 

Jen makes a rude noise in the back of her throat. She waves at me as she walks out the front door.

My body feels like it must weigh about five hundred pounds as I make my way up the stairs, down the hall, through our room and into our bathroom. God I look like shit! The gaunt face staring back at me from the mirror is barely recognizable as my own. I seem to have aged at least one hundred years since this morning. No wonder some cultures cover all of the mirrors in the house when someone dies. My phone stabs me as I crawl into bed, and I remember I promised Jen I wouldn’t fall asleep with my clothes on. I pull it from my pocket as I drop my clothes unceremoniously on the floor. Gail would laugh at me. I am always getting after her to put her clothes in the hamper and to pick up after herself. 

As I plug my phone in, Gail’s last text flashes on my screen. 

K <3.

“I love you too.” I whisper, a single tear rolls down my cheek as I let my body fall sideways onto the bed. The sweatshirt I find under her pillow smells like her, so I curl myself around it and allow sleep to descend.

In the wee hours of morning, as I toss and turn between sleep and something else, my mind racing in circles. I could swear I hear her footsteps in the hall. A faint tinge of acrid smoke lingers in the air. I roll over and clutch her pillow tighter. I know she’s dead, and I don’t believe in ghosts, but in my drug-addled state, I feel her side of the bed dip under her weight, even though I know she can’t possibly be here. Normally I live in a world of scientific facts, and evidence. Superstition and hallucinations make me nervous. But tonight, if this apparition is an effect of the medication, I am all for it! I take strange comfort in the spectral lips that brush against the back of my neck and the angelic arms that surround me, pulling me into one last, longed for embrace.

Only now do the tears start to come, as I let my body relax into the warmth of a presence that cannot be. I know I can’t afford to wake up, because when I do, she’ll be gone. I feel her snuggle closer. Lips press against the base of my jaw at the juncture of my neck. I feel myself let out a moan of pain and ecstasy all wrapped together, as the disembodied lips make their way down my throat. Soft phantom fingers wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s just a bad dream.” Her voice whispers in my ear, so real I can barely credit it.

I want to believe, so I turn and roll into her waiting arms. Her lips are on mine now, full and soft. God, she feels so real! Her mouth opens, and her tongue teases me, making me sigh and weep. I begin to melt into a quivering mass of jelly. The analytical part of my brain tries to tell me that having a full sensory wet dream about my dead lover is a natural response to the shock and stress of the past twenty-four hours. But I don’t care, and let myself go with it.

“Oh Babe, why are you crying?” She murmurs into my lips before she kisses me harder.

She is on top of me now, her hand finding its way between my legs and into my aching center. I can feel her breathing hard, riding my thigh as her fingers work their magic on me. I am so turned on I can’t stop, even though I don’t want this dream to end! Oh God! I can’t stop! The first wave of my orgasm hits me hard. It rips agonizingly through me, tearing a strangled cry from my chest, causing me to sob, and gasp for breath. It wakes me up fully to Gail bearing down on my thigh, crying out in ecstasy of her own. She is silhouetted against the window of our dark room, her full breasts jutting forward as her body arches back, her head thrown back all the way, gasping and crying out my name. 

Or am I awake? No, this must still be a dream, or some kind of unexpected temporary insanity causing me to revisit the proof our passion induced by drugs, and grief, and my need for comfort. My logical mind tells me again this can’t be happening. She thrusts her hand into me again. My body gives in to ardor so immediate and raw it stops my ability for rational thought. I gasp for air. Tears slide down my cheeks and pool in my ears as I feel Gail collapse, spent, on top of me. 

The floodgates open, and memories come crashing in; the soft look on her face when she watches me from the door of my lab, but thinks I haven’t noticed her yet; the way she walks, Oh God, the way she walks when she is wearing her uniform; the tiny smile that forms when she complains about my putting anything that even resembles a vegetable that hasn’t been deep fried on her plate, and I know that I will spend the rest of my life eating poutine and wanting to pour gallons ranch dressing on anything green, listening to her favorite classic rock station, or swing, instead of classical, and waiting for her footsteps in the hall and her key in the door. 

Her spectral lips kiss my eyelids, while her voice is crooning softly “I love you baby, please don’t cry.”

And so, I hug her tightly to me, willing her ghost to be real, as oblivion eclipses my senses, and I dream no more.

========================================================================================

Sunlight, and a soft spring breeze stream through our open bedroom window as I open my eyes to find myself tangled in our sheets, alone. There is an ache in my head and a weight on my chest. It’s going to be a beautiful day. I look at the time to see that it’s barely eight o’clock. The events of the past day hit me with such force, I have to muffle a cry into my pillow. Our bed smells like her and of sex. I remember the dream I had last night, so good, so real. 

“Oh Fuck! Oh Gail!” I sob into my arms, pulling the blankets up over my head, “How am I ever going to live without you?”

The delicate aroma of coffee comes wafting in from the kitchen. It hits me as I roll over. I guess Jen or Traci must have let themselves in. My stomach growls expectantly. 

“Come on girl, get it together!” I mumble to myself, prying myself from the bed and stumbling for the bathroom. 

I can’t quite face the shower, yet, so I splash cold water on my puffy face and pull on the pair of Gail’s cut-off sweats I find in a corner on the floor; so much for never wanting to share her things. I roll them low around my hips and pull on one of her black t-shirts from her drawer. The soft cotton clings to my skin, reminding me of her. I know my hair is wild and unkempt, and I must look like a mess, but I don’t care. I move slowly down the hall and into our living room, remembering the first cold, snowy day that we stood right here, and she asked me to move in with her. 

As I step into the doorway of the kitchen, Gail turns to face me with a smile on her face and a cup of coffee in her hand.

Wait! Wait! WHAT???

“Hey!” She says, grinning at me, “You didn’t have to get up, I was going to bring you coffee and see if we couldn’t pick up where we left off last night…”

The room swims. I clutch at the door jam trying to steady myself, but everything goes black, and that’s the last thing I remember.

 

======================================================================================

 

“Holly? Holly? Are you ok?” Gail’s voice comes from far away. “Come on Holly, speak to me!” 

Gentle hands, are on my face. 

“Gail?” I mumble without opening my eyes. “Are we in Heaven?”

I hear her laughing softy at me, like music to my ears.

“No…” She answers cautiously, “We are on the floor of our kitchen…”

Opening my eyes I gasp, and sit up in shock, pushing her away roughly.

“Fuck! Holly! What did you do that for?” She complains loudly.

“Holy shit! Gail! You’re dead! You and Chris! They told me you were…” I launch myself at her and cling to her neck like I might never let go.

“Ok, Holly, do you want to tell me what you’re talking about?” She says cautiously, holding me close and rubbing my back in little circles as I sob incoherently. 

I have never been so happy, so relieved, and so angry to see anyone in my entire life! I am in her arms and the sensation of her holding me makes my whole body sing! I pull back and look at her again with hungry, searching eyes.

“Fuck you Gail!” I say, a sharp wave of anger suddenly getting the best of me. “You are such an asshole! How could you fucking do this to me?” I hit her hard on her bad shoulder.

“Ow!” Gail complains loudly, holding on to her shoulder where I landed the blow. “What the fuck Holly?” She glares daggers at me.

Ok, now I know she’s real. 

“How could I do what to you?” She does look genuinely confused, and kind of hurt.

“You. You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead… You and Chris… They told me…” Tears come again, as I struggle to form coherent sentences. I hit her again, softly this time, more out of frustration than anything else, and lean my forehead into her shoulder. My hands grip at her waist. 

“Uh, well, obviously I’m not.” She says uncertainly “Would you rather I was?”

Her hands run up my sides and around my ribs making me shiver.

“No, no, of course not.” I finally manage to look up at her, biting my lower lip with a small smile. 

“So, why am I supposed to be dead? I mean it has been a crazy twenty four hours, but really!” She tilts her head looking quizzically into my eyes.

“And Chris? He’s ok too?” I give her a hard look.

“Uh yeah, or at least he was when he dropped me off last night.” She looks puzzled, “So, um, who thinks Chris and I are dead?”

“Everyone.” I answer.

“Everyone? Really?” She scowls at me.

“Uh, yeah.” I tilt my head at her. My brain doesn’t seem to be functioning properly, or fully processing this yet. I can’t seem to stop touching her.

Gail’s eyes grow wide as it finally clicks. “Oh shit! Chris is going to scare the crap out of Dov and Chloe when he comes out of his room this morning…” She starts to giggle hysterically.

“It’s not funny Gail!” But her laugh is contagious, and I am having a hard time keeping a straight face.

“Sure it is.” She snickers.

Ok, maybe it is just a little bit funny. Once I start laughing I can’t seem to stop.

We sit on the floor of our kitchen, laughing so hard it hurts, foreheads together, her hands gripping my biceps, my fingers threading through her short hair. I kiss her hard and suddenly she is in my arms. She is here, and nothing else matters!

As we pull apart it hits me, “Wait! Wait, where the hell have you been? Tell me what happened! I feel like I’m going crazy right now.” I sigh, and touch her face with trembling fingers.

She sighs heavily, shaking her head, “Wow, you really thought I was dead, didn’t you. It has been a long, strange couple of days.” 

“Oh shit Gail! Your family!” I exclaim while scrambling to my feet. “We need to let them know you’re alive!”

“Do we have to?” She moans. 

“GAIL!” I give her my very best angry librarian look.

“I’m sure my mother is thrilled if she thinks I died in the line of duty. She’ll be so disappointed.” She goes on in a somewhat bitter tone.

“It’s not like that Gail.” I state firmly.

“Ok, ok…” She concedes as I pull her up off the floor and into my arms again.


	27. The Longest Day pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to say THANK YOU! to ragingscooter and talentedgemx for going above and beyond and helping me with this even though they are each facing their own difficult situations!
> 
> And once again THANK YOU for sticking with this story, and for all of your comments, PMs, tweets, and reviews!

Darkness so thick it didn't matter if my eyes were open or shut along with the smoke and dust made it hard to breathe. I was alone. That I could sit up and move did nothing to quell the rising panic in chest. Sure, I still had my gun. A whole lot of good it would do me here. With my luck, I would probably end up shooting myself with it if I weren't careful. My phone was dead, my radio gone, the flashlight I had been holding had fallen from my grip when the floor gave way and had gone out. And God only knows what happened to Chris.

Great.

It all began when Chris and Dov got a call for an alarm going off in Warehouse Seventeen-eighty-two near the docks. They had just finished booking a drunk and disorderly punk who had puked all over the back seat of their black and white. It was forty-five minutes before the shift was supposed to end. I watched Dov's face fall like the world was going to end instead.

"Gail?" He said looking at me imploringly.

"What." I didn't look up from my computer.

"I'm supposed to take Chloe out to Bero tonight…" He continued, there was a note of pleading in his voice.

"So?" I knew what he wanted, but I thought I would make him suffer just a little.

"And, well, you know, it took me almost two months to get an eight-thirty reservation, so…" As I looked up raising an eyebrow at him, I could see the earnest look on his face.

"I take it you're asking if I can take this call for you?" I said noncommittally

"Come on Gail. Please?" He begged.

I sighed and looked at my watch. I could feel the pent up energy coming off of him in waves as I made him wait.

Three…

Four…

Five…

Wait for it…

He began to fidget.

"Sure. Why not." I said looking coolly back up at him.

"Really? You'll do it?" His eyebrows shooting up almost into his hairline as a smile spread across his face.

"Sure," I said with a small frown, "What could be better? I'll be doing my job while earning points with the special international task force, and have you forever in my debt." I snapped my fingers and smiled coldly at him.

"Thanks Gail!" He gushed as he turned to go.

"You get to clean the puke out of the back of the cruiser though!" I called after him.

Dov was still in the carpool, sleeves rolled up, bucket in hand, when Chris and I came out to get rolling.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I glared at him.

Just then Andy and Sam pulled into the lot.

"Hey Peck, what seems to be the problem?" Sam called to me seeing the look of disgust on my face.

"There's still puke in the back of our cruiser." I complained

"You're not planning on sitting back there, are you?" He answered with a grin. Andy ducked her head trying unsuccessfully to hide the fact that she was laughing.

"Nice." I scowled at them.

"Look, why don't you guys take this one, we just gassed her up." He tossed me the keys. "Don't worry, Peck, I'll even deal with signing her out to you."

"Thanks!" I replied, as I picked the keys from the air.

Warehouse Seventeen-eighty-two sat in the center of an empty lot with an expanse of field grass on either side. The building was dark and quite, almost too quiet. We had just cruised around the back when I noticed a gap where the fence had been cut to create a space for someone to enter. I parked the car and led the way.

"I dunno Gail. I don't like this." Chris had complained as he followed me through the hole in the fence.

Truth be told, I didn't like it either. Fear was making my skin prickle and the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention. But I wasn't going to let him know that!

"Don't be such a wuss!" I shot back over my shoulder as I climbed the concrete stairs to find the steel door ajar.

"Great. Now we're going to have to clear the building." I heard him grumble heavily behind me. "Just the way I wanted to spend my Thursday night! Don't you and Holly have something better to do tonight too?"

"Fifteen-twenty-two on location at the South West entrance of Warehouse Seventeen-eighty-two on Webster." I called it in, ignoring him.

"Fifteen-twenty-two, Roger that." The response came back.

We walked into a vast open room, filled with crates and boxes and the occasional piece of heavy machinery.

"Wow!" Chris murmured, almost to himself, "This is just like the last scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark!"

I had to laugh, because he was right.

"Ok Indy," I teased, "Let's find that alarm box, secure the building, and get outta here!"

We walked down the center aisle in silence, keeping on alert for any sign of movement among the towering piles of crates.

In the back there was a gate through the chain link wall. The padlock lay cut and open on the floor. Chris pulled out his gun, nodding at me to do the same. The light in the office was on, but as we entered it was quiet and empty. Chris quickly tapped out the police code on the alarm keypad, shutting it off. The office seemed undisturbed, but we did a quick check through the rooms anyway.

Walking back out into the cavernous hall there came a noise from above, a bang of something falling that echoed off the walls and hard surfaces of the open space. I pulled my gun out again and nodded to Chris.

"Ok, let's do this!" I whispered heading for the stairway up.

As we reached the fourth and final floor, the glint of a flashlight shone from what must be a control room in the back. We approached with caution, weapons drawn and blood pounding in my ears. A figure of about Chris's size in jeans and a black hoodie turned in our direction.

"Police! Put your hands in the air where we can see them!" Chris yelled, pointing his weapon.

The figure turned quickly, and fired three wild rounds in our direction before turning to run for the freight elevators.

"Fan-fucking-tastic!" I mumbled to myself as we sprinted for the stairs.

Two floors down, we gave chase through a maze of cube-farm offices, barely finished drywall halls, and finally out the door into a parking garage. Headlights from a pickup truck momentarily blinded us as the guy we were chasing made a leap for the bed of the truck. Chris stood his ground, firing his weapon into the windshield of the oncoming vehicle. The truck skidded to a halt, two men jumped from the cab, the third from the bed, and ran for the door back into the warehouse.

"Why do they always have to run!" I moaned as I chased after them.

As we burst through the doors, something the size and shape of a baseball came flying in our direction. Chris grabbed me by the vest, practically throwing me into a little room under the stairs, and slammed the door shut as the grenade exploded. The ground beneath our feet shook and shifted; there was a whiff of natural gas and a second later, a larger explosion rocked the building. The floor buckled, Chris was clutching at my arm as we fell into darkness. I landed hard, hitting my head on something sharp, and knew no more.

I awoke in the hot darkness with a start, to the smell of smoke and burning rubber, an aching head, and a dull pain in my arm. Even in the pitch black of wherever I was, I slowly began to take stock of the situation. As I tried to sit up, a sharp pain shot through my arm where the ache had been.

"Motherfucker!" I swore

"Gail? Are you alright?" Chris's voice came from somewhere to my left. His flashlight clicked on, shining a bright beam of light through the hazy air.

"What happened?" I asked, confused.

My head throbbed, the room swam and I fought down the urge to puke. I felt something trickle down my scalp and reached up to touch the hot, tender, bleeding bump that was forming there. It was then I noticed my cap was gone. Looking down in the dim light of his torch, I could see my bicep wrapped in one of his white, old man handkerchiefs, the dark red stain of my blood growing larger there too. Lovely. Another uniform shirt ruined, and Holly was going to kill me for getting injured on the job again! I just hoped it wasn't too bad. Water was dripping from somewhere, and the building above us moaned and creaked.

"Good. You're awake!" he exclaimed, "Look, we have to get out of here!" He continued, as he handed me my torch.

"And just how do you expect to do that? Warp the space-time continuum to teleport us out of here, Dr. Who?" I asked as I shone my light around.

We were in what looked like a small maintenance room beneath the stairway. It was probably about twice as large as the room above it where we started out had been. It was hard to say, because maybe half the room had collapsed into a pile of twisted re-bar and cement slabs, and nothing but rubble remained where the exit had been.

"Well, you're not going to like this…" Chris began tentatively.

"Go on…" I scowled at him

"Look, while you were out of it, I found the entrance to a maintenance tunnel that should take us out to the street." He continued with a wince.

"Maintenance tunnel? You mean sewer, don't you." I said scowling harder.

"Uh maybe?" he shrugged. "But it's how the telecommunications fiber optics and electrical main wiring enter the building." He was looking at a set of blueprints that were taped to the inside of a large metal cabinet.

"Ok. Whatever." I glared at him. My head hurt. My arm was beginning to throb.

"Come on Gail, let's go!" He moved the manhole cover aside.

"No. No way. No way am I crawling through some sewer!" I protested

"Gail," he said, and I could tell he was starting to lose his patience with me. "The building is on fire, the air quality is getting worse by the second. If we can get out, I am not staying here! And neither are you!"

He pulled the blueprint from the wall, folded it up and stuck it into the pocket of his pants along with a couple of screwdrivers he found in a drawer.

"Ok, ok, lead on…" I gave in.

In the light of my flashlight I watched Chris lower himself into a three-foot wide hole in the floor, climb down a ladder and crawl into an impossibly small tunnel. I tried not to think about what I was going to find when I got down there. The floor had several inches of nasty looking water that we would be forced to touch. Ew! I knew I was going to catch some horrible disease! MRSA? Black Death? Ebola? It could happen! You never know!

We crawled on hands and knees for what seemed like an eternity. Every so often, Chris stopped and wanted to know if I needed a break. I was exhausted, my head throbbed and my arm hurt, but this tunnel was disgusting! So I made him push on. No way was I going to spend an extra second of my life in this germ-infested hole! I decided I was just glad that there wasn't more light, 'cuz I will never need to know exactly what we were crawling through! After what seemed like forever, Chris stopped, flipped over onto his back, and pulled himself up into another manhole. I could hear him grunt with effort as he pushed the cover aside. Fresh, cool air rushed into the tunnel where I waited impatiently. I followed him quickly to discover we had come out somewhere behind the warehouse in a paved lot next to a field.

Our cruiser was nowhere in sight, but a battalion of fire engines were already on the scene. Chris pushed the manhole cover back into place. Red lights danced across the sky. They illuminated the thick haze of smoke and steam rising from the burning structure. Units from the Twenty-seven were on the scene as well. We walked through the chaos unnoticed, like ghosts. Finally Chris stopped to talk with a rookie from the other division that neither of us recognized.

"Oh, you're from the Fifteen?" She said blithely, "Why aren't you on traffic control detail with the rest of your division?"

Some days I hate this job.

"Oh, uh, I guess we'll go find them." Chris hedged.

"What a moron!" I hissed, as we turned and walked away.

As we finally made our way out through the open gate, I tumbled onto the grass between the street and the fence, lying back as fatigue and pain both hit me hard.

"Gail?" Chris's voice came, full of concern, "Gail, are you ok? Can you sit up and talk to me?"

"Ugh, yeah…" I groaned, "Just give me a minute Chris…"

"Hey, listen, I'm gonna go get the car, and then I'm gonna take you to the hospital to get your arm stitched up, and your head checked out." He said, with an overprotective fatherly look on his face.

"No, really I'm fine!" I insisted as I tried to sit up.

"If you're so fine, then maybe I should call Holly and tell her what happened. Maybe I can have her take you to the ER." He continued.

I did sit up at this. My head throbbed, but not enough to stop me from narrowing my eyes threateningly at him. "You wouldn't dare!" I growled.

"You know she's going to kill us both if I let anything bad happen to you." He looked genuinely concerned.

"We don't need to tell her about this… now, do we?" I flashed a fake smile at him and opened my eyes wide, and innocent.

"Yeah, like that's gonna work." He muttered and started to walk in the direction of where I parked the black and white.

As he turned to go a giant explosion rocked the warehouse. Fire and glass and flying bits of metal and junk shot from all of the windows, and the whole ground shook. I was grateful we weren't any closer.

"SHIT!" I yelled, flattened myself to the ground and covered my head with my arms.

I saw Chris duck and freeze and then start to run at top speed in the direction of our cruiser. He was back within minutes. Our car had a giant dent in the boot and the back window was smashed out. I didn't ask questions, I just got in. As we tried to approach the scene, we were stopped by a firefighter warning us of the danger, and requesting we call for an ambulance for a police officer from the Twenty-seven who had been injured in the blast.

"Fifteen-twenty-two reporting a ten-eighty (explosion) at Warehouse Seventeen-eighty-two please assist! Officer down! Ambulance requested." Chris called it in. We could see one of the Twenty-seven's cruisers had flipped over and was on fire.

"Fifteen twenty-two, ten-seventy-four (status/description of the fire), copy." Came the reply.

"Structure fully engaged, TFD requesting all HAZMAT units." Chris responded.

"Fifteen twenty-two, Ten-Four, Please stand by."

"Negative." Chris replied, "Code 602 (officer injured), ten-forty-four, nine oh two H (request to transport/leave, in route to hospital)."

"Copy that. Affirmative." Dispatch answered back. "Fifteen-twenty-two out of service."

The stars were already beginning to fade and the first red fingers of dawn touched the Eastern horizon.

"Cool. We're outta here!" I sighed.


	28. The Longest Day pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Chris go to the ER to get Gail checked out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOPS! I thought I posted this here already! Sorry about that!
> 
> Once again I want to say THANK YOU! to ragingscooter and talentedgemx for helping me with this!
> 
> scoobeedooh, I am just blown away by your support! And oceanchic13 thanks again for taking the time to PM!
> 
> And THANK YOU for all of your comments, PMs, tweets, and reviews!

"Hey Chris," I said as I watched the city glide by through half shut eyes, transitioning from blue-grey to golden in the glory of the rising sun. "We smell gross! Do you think we could swing by the station, drop this car off and change before we go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, sure Gail. Ok." Chris replied, "But we're going to have to be quick or with my luck, I'll still get stuck directing traffic around the fire all day when the shift changes."

"You are so right Chris!" I smirked at him, "So why don't you go sign us out, and I'll grab a change of clothes from my locker and we can shower and change at your place?"

As we pulled into the barn, Chris held up his hand to high-five me, "See you at my truck in ten!"

Chris can be so corny, but I high fived him back anyway.

Jimmy Doherty was on the desk in booking when we arrived. He's a forty-year veteran with less than six months left before he gets to collect his pension. I know he's riding the desk on the graveyard shift to make sure he gets there, and for the extra bump in pay. I remember doing ride-alongs with him when I was little. He would always let me run the lights and the siren on the way to his favorite bakery, where he would buy us Boston Cream doughnuts, coffee for him and coffee milk for me.

"Hi-ya Sugar Plum!" He greeted me.

I blushed and Chris started to snicker.

"What are you laughing at there, Cowboy?" Jimmy gave him the hard cop stare.

"Who me?" Chris said, trying to look innocent.

Jimmy kept glaring.

"Hey Jimmy," I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek he proffered in my direction. "If I had known you were on this morning, we would have stopped and Mae's Diner and gotten you some pie."

Jimmy loves the lemon meringue pie from Mae's on Queen St West.

"You are always so sweet to this old man!" He gave me a one armed hug. I rolled my eyes and groaned in mock horror. Which was when he noticed my arm.

"What's that?" He said, as he poked me in the ribs to punctuate his words.

"It's nothing." I lied, "And besides, Chris here is taking me to get it checked out just as soon as we can get out of here."

Jimmy raised one eyebrow at me. "It don't look like nothing. Tell you what. I'll go ahead and sign you kids out if you promise you'll take my princess to the doctor straight from here!" He gave Chris the stare again, and put his hand out to receive the keys to the cruiser.

"Thanks Jimmy!" I kissed his cheek again, "And please, please, don't tell my mother!"

Jimmy mimed zipping his lips shut, locking them, and throwing away the key. "You know Sugar-plum, the minute I get out of here I'm gonna go pick up my dog, and head north to go fishing for the next four days. And you know how I can be such a forgetful old man these days…"

Jimmy has never forgotten a thing in his life, sometimes much to my and Steve's embarrassment.

"Uh, the car has some damage…" Chris began to say.

"What do I look like to you, young man? I said I'd take care of it. Now go on, get going!" He let go of me and pointed at the door.

So much for getting my stuff out of my locker.

"Let's go, Sugar-Plumb!" Chris smirked with glee as we climbed into his truck.

"Don't you dare call me that!" I said threateningly.

"Oh? But why not Sugar-Plumb Princess?" he practically chortled.

I knew he would be totally insufferable if I didn't do something about this now!

"I swear to God Chris, if you ever call me that again, or breathe a word of this to anyone, not only will I murder you in your sleep, but I will cut you up into little, tiny pieces and have Holly donate your unmarked body parts to science!" I narrowed my eyes to deadly slits of pure ice.

"Ok, ok…" He surrendered, but I could tell he was still laughing at me.

Changing the subject, I whined, "We still smell gross, and now I'm gonna be stuck this way for hours!"

"Oh, I dunno about that Gail." He said turning to me with a smile, "You can borrow one of my shirts, and Dov should be gone by the time we get back to the apartment. It wouldn't be the first time I've see you steal some of his sweats.

"Sweet!" I smiled back at him.

Sitting on what used to be my couch, I shot Holly a quick email at the lab to let her know that my phone had gotten wet and died, but I would see her at home tonight. Chris was in the shower and the coffee maker was doing its thing. In the shower, the gashes on both my head and my arm had opened up and had started to bleed again. I had to convince Chris to help me bandage them, and that it was ok for him to shower while I made us some coffee. And thank God for coffee! All I really wanted to do was sleep. I put my bare feet up on the coffee table, and closed my eyes for a moment against the brightness of the day.

My mouth was dry, there was a banging behind my eyes with all of the subtlety of a jackhammer, and the shadows had shifted across the room as I cautiously cracked one of my eyes open to find myself cuddled into Chris's chest, with one of his arms flung protectively around me. He was snoring like a chainsaw, with his feet up on the coffee table too, and his head thrown against the back of the couch, mouth gaping open. Gently, I untangled myself from his grip and sat up slowly, willing the contents of my stomach not to revolt. I shuffled into the kitchen to find the coffee maker had shut its self off. The clock on the wall read 2:30 pm. Holy crap! I poured myself a mug of coffee and threw it into the microwave. As I reached up to turn it on, I realized that the sleeve of my shirt was sticking to my arm where I had bled through the bandage.

"Gail?" Chris's voice came from the other room.

"In here!" I answered

Chris shuffled into the kitchen rubbing his eyes like a sleepy little kid.

"Wow! We must have fallen asleep!" He had that bleary-eyed lost look about him. "We should get you to the ER to be taken care of."

"Not before coffee!" I insisted, handing him the re-warmed mug and zapping another one for me.

It amazed me how my tiny room in the Emergency Room at Mercy General could be cold and yet stuffy at the same time. Granted, the only reason I had a room and wasn't out in the lobby with the cattle was due to the fact that I'm a police officer. At three thirty five in on this Friday afternoon, the weekend was already starting to make its-self known. We were in line behind a coronary, a drunken escapade where some idiot frat boy was trying to skateboard while being towed behind his friend's motorcycle and they both lost control, an OBGYN emergency, and an old lady who fell and broke her hip. I tried calling Holly from the nurse's station to let her know I would probably be running late, but her phone was off and her voicemail was full. When I called her office, her phone was answered by the new intern… Monica? Marilyn? Muffy? Anyway, the annoying twit had no idea who I was. She told me Holly was out of the office right now, and she was too busy to take a personal message. I was just about to tell her where she could stick it when she hung up on me. I know Holly hates it when I mess with her interns, but that stupid little bitch is toast!

Since I couldn't reach Holly, Chris decided to stay with me, although he did go out to get us some food and pick up our replacement phones from the nearest wireless store when it became clear that we would be here for hours. My arm had taken seventeen stitches, and my head had taken five. Although I was told I had suffered from a grade three concussion, we were still waiting for my CT scan to happen. The neurologist said he was impressed with my level of cognitive function after receiving such a blow and I would probably be released if I promised I wouldn't be alone for the next forty-eight hours, and I would return if my symptoms got worse.

Chris and I were watching another re-run of Law & Order when the nurse arrived to let us know I would be taken down to radiology shortly.

"Do you want me to try reaching Holly again while you are getting your head examined?" Chris asked with a yawn and a stretch.

"No, that's ok. It doesn't look like they are going to keep me here. Besides, the lab seems extra busy today and you know how she panics if she thinks something has happened to me." I said with a shrug. "I may as well just tell her about it when I get home."

The orderlies arrived to take me down to radiology.

"Yeah, ok." He said getting to his feet and stretching again. "I'm going to the cafeteria, guess I'll see you when you get back."

"Will you bring me back a doughnut?" I almost begged.

"Cake! If they don't have doughnuts, I'll settle for cake…" I called after him as they wheeled me away.

"Sure, I'll see what I can do… Sugar-Plumb." He called back with a smirk.

I glared, and stuck my tongue out at him.

He just laughed and waved at me, and continued down the hall.

It was just after midnight when Chris finally dropped me off at home. I stumbled into the kitchen to get myself a beer and see if there were any leftovers I could snack on before going to bed. The fridge was packed with an odd assortment of cold cuts, and pizza, and two kinds of casserole things I didn't recognize. I wondered what Holly had been up to while I was gone. Maybe she hosted one of her department meeting dinners and forgot to tell me about it again. I was so tired, but my mind was still spinning in circles. What a crazy couple of days it had been. I knew the doctor said no alcohol, but I opened the beer anyway, I mean it wasn't like I was doing shots or something. I sat at the kitchen counter holding it, and staring at the walls until my mind began to clear. When I found myself falling asleep in my chair, I ended up dumping most of it down the sink.

Holly was asleep when I entered our bedroom as quietly as I could. I felt a pang of guilt as I noticed her clothes on the floor and that she seemed to be curled up around my sweatshirt. She must have had a long exhausting day. It's funny, but we tell each other things, and I couldn't wait to share what the past two days had been like, with her. It still kind of amazed me that I felt this way about anyone. I shed my own clothes quickly and put both hers and mine in the hamper before crawling into bed. In the light of the moon shining through our window she looked so vulnerable I couldn't help leaning in to kiss the base of her neck. She let out a whimper. I pulled her tight against my chest, spooning into her. Tears leaked from her closed eyes, and I was hit with a wave of protectiveness and love. Continuing to kiss her softly, I murmured, "It's ok love, it's ok." I gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's just a bad dream."

She rolled into my arms and returned my kiss with such raw passion it took my breath away. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks as I got on top of her, holding her face in my hands.

"Oh Babe, why are you crying?" I mumbled into her lips before kissing her again.

Her moan ripped through me as she dug her fingers into my butt hard, and strained against me, pulling me down onto her ridged thigh. It sparked a primal need in me and we were off, swept away on a tide of hunger, and aching necessity. When we finally reached the edge together, she called my name with such longing it sent me spinning out of control. They always said that sex and love were intertwined, but I never knew, until Holly, love could actually be so tangible, so overwhelming. How it could crack us open and leave us limp and tender, weeping in the comfort and safety of each other's arms. She was sobbing hard, so I rolled off of her, while pulling her impossibly closer.

I whispered. "I love you baby, please don't cry".

I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her eyelids shut. She clung to me harder still. Cradled in my arms, her tears subsided as sleep finally came to claim us.


	29. In the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly calls Steve

“She’s _WHAT_?” Steve’s voice blasted through the earpiece of my phone.

“Alive. Or at least she was. Although, I think she said she was going to go die quietly of embarrassment in our bedroom when I told her what was going on, and that I was going to call you.” I replied.

That earned a thin laugh.

“That sounds like Gail.” Steve said tentatively “So, she’s ok? And Chris?”

“Well, Gail has a concussion and needed some stitches, but from what I understand, they are both exhausted and pretty banged up, but they should be fine with a little time and rest. She says it’s all in her report.” I say, tiredly rubbing my eyes behind my glasses.

“Wait. What report?” Steve sounds confused. “If there’s a report then why didn’t we know they were ok?”

“I guess Frank will be in for a giant shock right about now.” I continued, “Gail and Chris wrote up their reports while she was in the ER, and she emailed them in when she got home last night. She said they were supposed to have the next two days off and she didn’t want to go drop it off in person first thing this morning.”

“I can tell you this, Mother is going to skin alive whoever the idiot was who signed them out from booking!” Steve said heatedly “If I don’t get to him first!”

“Some older cop named Jimmy?” I answered “She said she saw him right before he left for his fishing cabin.”

“Oh. Never mind.” Steve said, and was silent.

“Really?!” I was stunned. I never would have thought Elaine would let anyone in this officer’s position live.

“He was my parent’s T.O.” Steve said quietly.

“Oh.” I wasn’t quite sure what to say about that. “Well, I may need immunity from prosecution by the time I’m done with my new intern, Margery, who refused to take a personal message for me from Gail, before hanging up on her. I know she was just trying to protect me, and my privacy, but really!” I practically growled.

“I donno, that sounds like justifiable homicide to me!” Steve laughed. “Well, listen, I should be at my parent’s house in five. I’ll tell them the good news when I get there.” Steve went on, “Tell Gail to get ready! We should be there in about thirty!”

“Uh yeah. Ok.” I said knowing that nothing would ever make Gail ready for this.

She was sitting on our bed looking out the window with her phone held lightly in her lap, when I came to find her. I crawled in behind her, letting my legs fall on either side of hers as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close, while breathing in the scent of her hair. She sighed and leaned back into my embrace.

“I talked to Chris.” She began, “He went and knocked on Dov’s door to make sure I wasn’t playing some kind of sick joke, and nearly gave Dov a heart attack!”

She laughed softly, shaking her head. I leaned in to kiss her bare shoulder next to the strap of her tank top.

“Your parents will be here soon with Steve. You should get in the shower.” I said, but made no move to release her.

“This is so weird.” She sighed, “Can’t I just stay dead for a while?”

“What would you do?” I asked softly.

“I actually like being a police officer you know. But, if I wasn’t a Peck, if I could do anything, I donno… I’d go to Paris or Barcelona and sing for my supper in cafés and night clubs, I’d go back to school and become a lawyer, I’d take up photography and travel the world, I’d go with Yuri back to Berlin and work for the International Commission on Human Trafficking…” She sighed, “But I can’t. And anyway, none of it would matter without you.”

She wrapped her arms around my arms, scooted closer, and held on tight. I closed my eyes, which threatened to overflow with the warmth and pure tender emotion that was building in my chest at her words. I meant to kiss her softly on the cheek, but she turned her head and caught my lips with hers, while reaching back to caress my cheek. Our bodies said more in that moment than any words ever could. But I knew what I had to say as she turned to stare out the window once more.

“Gail,” I said softly, “I will always be here. You don’t ever have to be anything or anyone you are not for me. I would support you no matter what you want to do with your life. You know that. Right?”

Gail took a jagged deep breath, and nodded her head slightly without turning back around.

“As much as I would like to sit here with you all day, “ I said gently, breaking away from her and getting up, “Your family will be here any minute now, and we should get up, and get dressed!”

“Yeah, ok.” She mumbled, getting up and shuffling for the bathroom door.

 

* * *

 

 

I was just putting my hair into a damp ponytail as I heard our doorbell ring. Gail was in the kitchen making a fresh pot of coffee, having poured the old one into a carafe. She was a few steps behind me as I opened the door to be nearly knocked down by the cyclone of Elaine Peck, who came flying into our home and flung herself at her dumb-struck daughter.

“Oh my Gail! Oh, my baby girl!” Elaine sobbed as she clung to Gail like she was never letting go.

I saw Gail’s eyes go round and wide. She stared helplessly past me to Steve, who looked just as powerless and dazed as she did. I looked back to see Gail slowly, tentatively, bring her arms up to encircle her mother’s waist, as Elaine crumpled into them sobbing, “I love you! I know you don’t always think I do, but I love you! When I thought you were dead, I wanted to die too!” Elaine gasped like every word tore her heart from her chest. “A mother should never have to burry her children!”

I turned back to see Gail’s father standing with his arm around Steve and tears in his eyes. He smiled and nodded at me. Stepping forward, he gave my arm a little squeeze as he passed by to wrap his arms around the two women in his family. Gail still looked somewhat like a deer in the headlights as Steve shrugged and walked over to join them. Gail looked imploringly from Steve, to me, and back.

“Help me!” She mouthed at me, as she continued to rub her mother’s back in tiny circles.

Just then Traci and Leo appeared in the still open doorway.

“Gail! Gail! Gail!” Leo cried out.

Everyone let go of Gail and turned. He broke free from his mom to rush through the door and hug Gail around the waist with all his might.

“Hey buddy!” Gail said, hugging him back.

“I knew you’d be ok! Cuz you’re a real live superhero!” He smiled up at her. “Tell me a story about how you and Chris fought evil and escaped from the burning building! Please!”

“Come on,” she said as she ruffled his hair affectionately, “Why don’t we go hang out in the living room and wait for Chris, cuz, you know, it’s his story too!”


	30. Insomnia

I can’t sleep. There is a restlessness that has taken hold of my very soul and sleep may never touch me again. The life that I am protectively watching over; so precious, so fragile, is peacefully slumbering in blissfully ignorance of my vigil. I am watching Gail sleep as if my wakefulness could shield her from all harm. She looks almost angelic with the moonlight falling on her like this. She went back to work on Monday after being cleared for partial duty until next week by the department neurologist. I know she hates riding the desk but I, for one, am grateful for this tiny reprieve. It has been one hell of a year and I don’t know what to do. God I love her! I know I could never leave her, even if I wanted to, even if I tried, but thinking she was dead nearly killed me. And now I can’t sleep. 

Gail grumbles and rolls over onto her stomach, hand reaching out, searching until it comes in contact with my leg. She wraps her arm around my thigh, and buries her face in my hip. 

“Hey.” She says sleepily rubbing her face into my skin, “You ok?” 

She rolls onto her side, ghosting her hand out across my stomach. The moonlight bleaches her blonde hair white, it stands out from her head in a fringe of short messy spikes. Her eyes glitter darkly. Our room is dark and quiet, except for the nearly full moon shining through our window.

“Yeah, I just can’t seem to fall asleep, that’s all.” I sigh, “I didn’t want to wake you up though.”

She leans over to kiss the side of my stomach with warm, soft lips. 

“Mmm… come here. You’re too far away.” She complains softly.

I scoot down under the covers and into her arms.

“Better?” I ask.

“I don’t know Holly, you’re still awfully far away.” She nuzzles my neck sleepily.

I shift closer, laughing softly, “Ok Gail.” I kiss her gently, “Is that better?”

“Maybe.” She leans in and kisses me back, “But you can’t sleep, and you won’t talk to me.”

“Hey, wait,” I grumble, “Aren’t you the one who is always trying to tell me I talk too much?”

Letting her fingers trace mindless, comforting patterns on my skin, she strokes my back lightly, and waits. I sigh. I know I’m going to have to discuss this with her at some point, but I’m not ready. And really, what is there to say? Gosh Gail, I know you can’t stop being a cop, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take? And honestly, I could never ask her to give up what is so much a part of her identity.

“Come on Holly, I’ve never said this to anyone before, but I need you. I love you and I’m afraid of losing you. So please, please say something!” She admits in a hushed tone. 

Wow! She took the words right out of my mouth! I can feel her trembling in my arms. I know I need to tell her something. It’s times like this, in the middle of the night, when the rest of the world falls away and we can just be, that I live for. When Gail opens up like this, it always takes me by surprise and levels my world. I realize that I am shaking too. We tell each other stuff, so I gather my courage and try to begin.

“I need you too.” I whisper hoarsely, hardly believing I am able to utter those words, “And I can’t bear the thought of ever losing you. Not now. Not ever again.”

The words fall thickly now as I feel the pressure growing in my chest and behind my eyes. Rolling onto my back, I sigh. She follows, climbing on top of me now, holding my face in her hands.

“You have me.” She says softly, “Tell me what you need. Holly… I would do anything for you. Anything.”

And I know that she means it, but I can’t. So I pull her in to kiss her with purposeful intent that leaves us both breathless. 

“I know one thing you could do for me…” I whisper in her ear before leaning over to bite her on the earlobe. 

She gasps, and chuckles, but pushes slightly away from me.

“Come on Holly! I’m serious!” She insists.

“Mmm… me too…” I lean in to leave a trail of soft kisses down her neck and across her shoulder. She groans softly holding me tighter as I circle the uneven lump on her clavicle with my tongue and trace the line of her shoulder with the tip of my tongue back to her suprasternal notch.

“Holly…” She sighs, rolling off of me to sit up and pull her knees up under her chin.

I sit up too. Her hands move, stroking lightly up and over my knee, and back. The light friction of her palms and fingertips on my skin goes straight to my head, making me suddenly drunk and dizzy.

“Listen,” She says finally, “We both have quite a bit of vacation time and comp days coming to us that we never use. When we get back from Paris, why don’t we try to schedule some time off alone on a regular basis.”

“Like what?” I ask.

“You know, like taking a few days every so often to just be together, to get us back on track. Look, I know things have been crazy, and I can’t even imagine what you went through last week, but I want to spend my life being happy with you. No matter what happens, I don’t ever want to leave you wondering what if, you know?” She sighs. 

Her hands momentarily stop their dance. I close my eyes and lean in closer to her warmth. I let my head fall to the side and come to rest on her shoulder. 

“Gail, I…” I start, but I find there are no words. “I would love that…” I finally manage.

“I just want you to be ok! And I know you’re not sleeping.” She nudges me with her knee. “What’s up with that?”

I turn, burying my face into the crook of her neck. Sliding my hand over her chest I find her heart beat. It steadies me. I breathe her in. All of the sweetness of her skin and her hair calms me. Even though my logical mind tells me it’s just pheromones, I allow it to comfort me just the same.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” I murmur into her skin.

“Come on Holly!” She nudges me with her knee a little bit harder this time, “I know how exhausted you are. I mean, shit! You didn’t even go for your morning run yesterday.”

Damn her! I know I can never get anything past her sharp eyes, and I am such a terrible liar. 

“Ok fine!” I pout, “You caught me.”

“You could talk to the department shrink you know…” She ventures

“You hate that woman!” I try to deflect.

“Yeah, but you know Holly, you gotta talk to somebody.” She says softly, “And it’s not like you would be the first partner of a police officer from our division to make an appointment or two with her.”

I know she’s right, but I don’t want to go. Great. Now I’m beginning to sound like her. The thought of which makes me smile ironically.   
“I’ll take that into consideration.” I tell her.

“No, “ She insists. “You will make an appointment with her in the morning.”

I sigh and shake my head.

“If our places were reversed,” she continues, “There is no way you would let me get away with blowing this off.”

I kind of hate her right now.

“Ok, ok…” I finally grumble.

She crooks her finger under my chin to turn my face towards hers. Her first kiss is gentle, soft, almost soothing, until she begins to move against me. I open my mouth, letting her in as our kiss becomes more insistant, wanting. I suddenly need to feel her all over me, so I lean back into our pillows pulling her with me as I go. She leans her forehead against mine and whispers “Now about that thing you wanted me to do for you..”

I try to laugh, but it comes out as a whimper. I kiss her with a desperate longing and pull her body flush to mine. Rolling her over, I pin her against our bed, our bodies rub together slick with sweat and tears, and desire. I need to feel her deep inside of me as I devour her whole, until there is nothing left but smoldering, burning, aching love. There is nothing without her, and I can’t go back, not even if I wanted to, not now, not ever.


	31. Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly spend a week in Paris after the International Conference on Human Trafficking in London.
> 
> ___________________________________________________________

“Oh my God! Not another museum!” Gail moans into the crisp white linen sheets and mountain of pillows on our bed in the suite of the B&B where we are staying in Paris. 

I have to laugh she looks so adorable. 

“Come on Gail!” I say throwing a robe at her, “Breakfast will be here any minute now, and you should be getting up anyway.”

She groans and rolls over trying to burry herself even deeper under the covers.

“Ok, so I did make you suffer through the Muséum National d'Histoire Naturelle on Monday and the Louvre yesterday. But I didn’t hear you complaining when we ended up at Le Fumoir for cocktails and snacks later.” I smirk at her. 

“Can’t we just relax and enjoy the city?” She whines

It is beginning to become apparent that her idea of relaxing and enjoying the city and mine might be different. 

“Well, you know, we could go to Le Musée du Vin Paris, instead of another art museum today.” I smile, lifting my eyebrows at her.

“Really Holly, the wine museum?” She rolls back over and tilts her head at me. Why does she have to be so cute? 

“It’s the only museum in the city where you get to drink wine at the end of the tour.” I wink at her.

“Well why didn’t you say so?” She sits up slipping on the robe, as she swings her feet to the floor.

“I was thinking we might also have lunch in their restaurant if you would like. And then perhaps, we could wonder up the Seine and over to the Eiffel Tower.” I say. She comes around the bed, robe hanging loose and untied, to press her still naked body up against my back. 

“Or we could come back here and take a nap after lunch.” She breathes into my ear, as her hands find their way under the shirt I’m wearing, onto the skin of my stomach.

I lean into her warmth, my head tipping back, my eyes falling shut as she explores my throat with her lips.

“Or we could come back here and take a nap after lunch,” I exhale with a smile

There is a sharp knock on our door to indicate our breakfast has arrived. She scoots into the bathroom wearing a somewhat smug look.

As I sit on our balcony overlooking the city, drinking my café au Lait, I can’t help but think what a magical trip this has been especially for Gail! I am so proud of her! At the conference in London we, Yuri, Tatiana, Gail and I, were practically treated like royalty, and Gail like the conquering hero having finally home. It was wonderful to see her given respect and recognition, from well-respected law enforcement professionals from all over the world – some of whom have never even heard of Elaine Peck. While it is always difficult for Gail to accept praise, I was thrilled to watch her begin to replace some of her bluster and swagger with real confidence. 

Gail has some decisions to make about her future, as much as she hates to even think about it. I know the International Commission on Human Trafficking offered her a position in their London office, but I doubt she will do it. Or at least not right now. I don’t want to be another person in her life putting pressure on her about her career trajectory, but I am hoping that someday she understands, success does not equal caving in to Elaine’s wishes. And that her success can be hers alone. If moving to London would do that for her, I could find another position either with a crime lab or a university there too. I could even take some time off to just write and lecture. I know both my literary agent and my publisher would be thrilled!

Gail slides into the seat across from me wearing skinny black chinos and a loose fitting knit jersey. Her hair is slicked back and her skin practically glowing from the heat of the shower. She sighs contentedly as she rummages in our covered breadbasket for a pains au chocolat. She takes a bite and moans ecstatically 

“I could live here, Holly!” Stretching out languidly until her bare feet end up in my lap.

“Oh really?” I muse back at her.

“Uh huh. Coffee in a bowl and chocolate for breakfast, with you, what could be better?” She smiles a half lidded content smile that makes my heart sing.

“You know, I could and would go anywhere in the world with you.” I smile back.

“You would, huh?” She opens her eyes, stretches out further and closes them as she tips her head all the way back to rest on the back of her chair.

“Yeah, I mean it. I would.” I say firmly.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” she peeks at me through half open eyes.

“Yeah, I am.” I say, smiling at her.

She drops her feet from my lap to the floor and sits up to lean over the table, suddenly alert. 

“But I couldn’t do that to you… you know… take you away from your work… your friends… your home…” 

“If you haven’t noticed, I just happen to be a highly sought after member of the forensic sciences community. I could get a job anywhere, and frankly, my publisher would be thrilled if I took some time off to finish my latest book project.” I say trying not to sound too smug, and failing. 

“Really?” She asks reaching across the table to take my hand.

“Really.” I nod. “Gail, my home is where ever you are. As for my family and friends, they will always love me and plus there’s always Skype. So don’t let me stop you from considering that offer from London.”

She contemplates me with clear blue eyes for a moment without saying anything. Her expression gives nothing away, but I can tell her mind is spinning behind those eyes. 

“You would do that for me, Holly?” she finally says, quietly.

“I would.” I give her hand a little squeeze. “I know that you are afraid of being like your mother, having ambition for ambition’s sake. But being successful doesn’t have to be that way. What if you could do something that you are good at that would make a huge difference in the world, knowing that it was all you; your brain, your hard work that got you recognition and respect. You just had a little taste of that last week. What if you were finally able to get out from under your mother’s thumb and do this on your own?”

Gail took a deep breath and looked out at the city, “I have never known anyone like you, Holly.” She began “That would be so… so amazing… so terrifying… and I don’t know, like nothing I ever imagined my life could be…”

We sit quietly for a while, looking out at the back of the Eiffel Tower over the rooftops of Paris. If I could only capture this moment in time, this and the past week, no matter what the future holds I could live on just this for years. I watch her pick mindlessly at her croissant, feeling a serge of pure, raw, tender love toward her. 

“You know Gail,” I finally say, “No matter what you do, no matter what you decide, I won’t be disappointed.”

“No?” She turns to face me, eyes wide and trusting.

“No.” And as I say it I know it is the truth, “I am so lucky that I get to have a job that I am not only good at, but that I love! I would love the same for you! I don’t care if you become an international crime fighting superstar, or choose to remain a Toronto beat cop for the rest of your life… Or if you finish that application to join the ETF you were trying to hide under our bed…” I wink at her, “You don’t need to decide now. As long as we are together I will support whatever decisions you make. I want you to do whatever will make you fulfilled and happy. I don’t care what your mother wants, I am here for you!”

She picks up my hand and presses it to her lips. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” She smiles at me again, holding my hand to her face.

“I don’t know.” I smirk, “But we should get going if we want to get to our time slot at Le Musée du Vin Paris.”

“I guess it’s never too late to learn about the wine we will be drinking…” Gail swills the rest of her coffee, and gets up taking her croissant with her.


	32. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly and Gail wake up on their last morning in Paris

I love this early morning time, when the delicious heaviness of sleep has not yet left our limbs, and the boundaries that separate us from one another blur as we drift peacefully in and out of each other’s dreams. I love it that Gail insists on sleeping with our bodies entangled, held impossibly close to my heart, her skin dissolving into mine. And I love it that this Gail is mine, and mine alone, because I’m sure that this innermost, open, trusting Gail is a side of her that others may occasionally get to glimpse, but I alone have ever had the privilege of getting to know and hold like this. She mumbles something incoherent and presses me down onto my back as she almost roughly adjusts my breasts to give herself greater access to my side, tucking herself closer under my arm and into the crook of my neck. I hold her tightly, kissing the top of her head without opening my eyes. She nuzzles me one more time before her body melts once again into mine and her breath becomes relaxed and even. This is our last morning in Paris. Our last morning before the reality of being back at work begins, and Gail puts away her soft cotton dress, and gentle smile, and puts back on her uniform and tough girl face, and shields her heart from the world, and sometimes even from me. 

The sky has changed from predawn grey to blue as I open my eyes again to find Gail propped up on her elbow, watching me. 

“Hey!” I murmur sleepily, “Good morning.”

She leans over to kiss me with soft, dry lips. “Morning.” She breathes into my mouth.

Playing with my hair, she climbs on top of me, gazing into my eyes. Hers are clear and soft. She leans in to kiss me again, and I fall hopelessly into them.

“So, what do you want to do today? We don’t have to be at the airport until six.” She asks leaning down to kiss me in the middle of my sternum. She continues to leave a trail with soft lips and tongue up my throat and under my jaw.

I swat playfully at her shoulder. “Cut it out or we’re not going anywhere!” 

“Would that be so bad?” She whispers huskily in my ear, before biting it with gentle teeth.

I feel my heart rate speed up and my breath catch in my throat. She laughs softly into my neck. Well, two can play at this game! I flip her suddenly onto her back, pinning her arms into the pillows above her head. Her pupils dilate sending a rush of energy through my body to pool between my legs. As I sit up straddling her hips, I let go of her hands to trace a path down her arms and across her shoulders with my fingertips until my fingers come to rest lightly on her chest. Her knees come up behind me. Massaging the inside of my thighs with her thumbs, she runs her hands lightly up and down my legs. I lean back with a sigh, spreading them wider to give her more access.

“Oh really…” She says smugly, brushing her thumbs softly against the hood of my clit as she strokes her hands upward to rest on my stomach.

“Mmmmm… you feel good.” Catching my lower lip between my teeth, I smile back at her. Sparks light in my belly.

“How good?” She teases, her fingers ghosting between my legs, hypnotically running the palms of her hands down my thighs and back up again, sending a wave of shivers up my spine.

“Good…” My hands drift down to cup her breasts gently. My heart is beating faster now and my whole body is starting to hum.

“Oh.” She exhales, as I begin to caress her nipples with my thumbs. “Oh!” Her eyes open wide. She freezes and starts to moan as I roll her hardening nipples gently between my thumbs and forefingers. 

Her eyes half close, but her hands begin to stroke my thighs again, this time stopping to rest lightly at their juncture. She slides a hand in between us cupping and rubbing against me ever so gently. I lean back into her legs and let myself get lost in her delicate touch. Watching her face, I continue to play with her breasts as our bodies begin to move together slowly, the air between us quickly becoming crystalline and charged. I can tell how turned on she is becoming too, her legs tense and her pelvis rocks upward with each light stroke of her hand. Her tongue darts out to lick her lips.

“You like that.” She murmurs. It’s not a question. She looks pleased with herself.

“Mmmm… Uh huh…” I answer, somewhat breathlessly.

This feels amazing, but I don’t know how much more of it I can take. Wanting more, wanting it all actually I push against her, spreading my legs wider still. I need her inside of me, and I need her now! But her touch remains maddeningly light. I know she’s watching me, waiting for me to say something, but I lean back further pushing her legs apart with one hand instead. My fingers glide on the slick, hot evidence of her desire. Her back arches, her head is thrown back against the pillows, her breath comes in gasps. She is so beautiful! I watch her color rise like spilled wine, up her torso to the tips of her ears. It does something to me, making me want her more, if that is even possible. I can’t help but to suck my breath in sharply, letting it out as a soft moan. My fingers slide easily inside of her, causing her to whimper and gasp aloud. My whole body shutters in response. Riding on the palm of her hand like this, with her knees falling apart to make more room for my fingers inside of her, I feel my frustration mounting, while at the same time everything is becoming molten, liquid gold. Her eyes open, smoky and intense, she wraps her free arm around my back pulling me down as she curls her torso up to meet me halfway. Her kiss is savage, full of desperate, ravenous, aching lust. Finally plunging her fingers deep inside of me, she splits me open with unspeakable pleasure. I cry out into her mouth. Her answering moan is guttural, primal, and insistent. It ripples through me like a physical shock wave. Gripping the back of my head in her hand, she kisses me harder. I hold on, digging my fingers into her ribs as I support her back. The strain is too much to hold this position for long. She falls back into the pillows, her hand still gripping my bicep and mine on her waist. 

“Fuck me harder!” She growls in a desperate whisper, curling her fingers into my sweet spot as I bear down on her hand.

She looks into my eyes like a sailor in a storm might look at dry land. I shift my position slightly to bring more pressure on to her clit with my thumb, ignoring the cramp in my hand as I comply. The fire in my center rages out of control. I can feel the pressure for release building, but I attempt hold back, trying to pace myself. I caress her face, brushing her damp hair out of her eyes.

“Gail,” I manage to pant hoarsely, “I’m so fucking close…”

“Stay with me…” She whispers as our bodies strain harder, holding on, finding the right rhythm. She curls her body up to kiss me again. Gripping my shoulder, her face just inches from mine she whispers again, “Holly… Holly, look at me…”

Her eyes are magnetic, drawing me in. I can’t look away. 

“I… am… so… fucking… in… love… with… you…” she gasps, her pelvis thrusting her hand deeper into me, punctuating each word. 

And then she cums, falling back into the pillows, abs ridged, back arched, her legs pushing harder into the mattress, shaking, lifting us both off the bed without breaking eye contact. And that’s all it takes for me to completely lose any and all control I ever thought I had. My orgasm hits me suddenly and hard, like a bolt of lightning rising from her fingers, turning me inside out, annihilating my world until there is nothing left but her and the love shining in her eyes.

I ease my fingers out of her as I roll onto the bed, limp and spent. We each take a minute and then I feel her press her body into my side. I reach over and pull her tightly into my arms. She sighs and snuggles closer. 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

I find myself in bed alone as I wake to the sound of a closing door. I sit up to find Gail carrying a tray full of coffee and croissants and jam and fruit into the room. Every morning we have been here Gail has ordered us the same breakfast, a basket of mixed croissants with butter and jam, Café au Lait, and yogurt and fresh fruit we both know is for me even though she denies it.

“Hey beautiful!” I greet her.

“You only say that because I’m bringing you breakfast in bed.” She smiles at me.

“Maybe…” I wink at her, “and because you made me cum before breakfast…”  
I watch her porcelain skin begin to glow crimson as she ducks her head shyly. She is adorable when I make her blush!

“I guess I’m just awesome like that!” she quips back at me as she sits on the edge of bed and sets the tray down on a pillow beside me. 

“Yes, yes you are.” I grin at her while pouring us both Café au Lait bowls of espresso and steamed milk from their respective carafes. “By the way, what time is it?” I don’t mean to sound anxious, but I can’t help beginning to worry about when we have to get going.

“Holly, relax!” She smiles, rummaging in our pastry basket, “It isn’t even nine-thirty yet.” 

She pulls a croissant from beneath the blue and yellow flowered cloth covering an obscene amount of freshly baked, warm pastries. She gives it an investigative sniff before she begins to dissect it with her fingers. Bright orange filling oozes from the flaky bread. She licks it from the side of her hand with half closed eyes and a sated little smile. Pulling a piece from the center, she pops it into her mouth, closing her eyes she chews with a low moan. I am mesmerized. I realize I have been caught staring, frozen with my coffee half way to my lips when she opens her eyes and starts to chuckle at me.

“Want some?” She arches her eyebrows suggestively. She breaks a dripping piece off from the center and holds it out toward me. 

“Sure.” I quirk an eyebrow and grin wolfishly back at her.

Leaning forward, she places it on my waiting tongue. I grasp her wrist, look deeply into her eyes and chew slowly. Her eyes grow wider, darting from my eyes to my lips and back. I finally swallow with a smirk and bite my lower lip. I know I want to give her something to think about all the way home.

Holding her gaze, I drop my voice about an octave, “You seem to have missed some of that filling on your hand. Here, let me help you with that before you make a mess.”

I pull her hand to my mouth and begin to lick the marzipan and apricot filling from her forefinger. She gasps audibly as I suck her finger into the depth of my mouth while circling it with my tongue. Her whole body judders as I flicker my tongue over her skin letting her finger slide from my mouth, and repeat the same treatment on the rest of her fingers and thumb in turn. When I’m done I lean in to let her taste the sweetness on my lips. 

“Delicious!” I smile sweetly at her, arching my eyebrows.

“You are so unfair! I hate you.” She complains as she pulls me close, knowing we have no time for a repeat performance of what we did earlier.

“Uh huh, I can tell.” I say, laughing into her mouth. I kiss her again, slowly this time.

***********************************************************************

Gail is eating a ham and cheese croissant left over from our breakfast and watching the sky turn purple and magenta out of the giant wall of glass overlooking the runway at the Charles De Gaulle airport, where we are waiting for our plane home to arrive at the gate. Our flight has already been delayed by several hours and I can feel the weary jitters of travel affecting us both. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She leans back into me with a sigh. 

“What did they tell you at the desk?” She asks quietly.

“I scored us a first class upgrade.” I say rather smugly.

“You did?” She turns in my arms looking surprised. She knows I would never accept this kind of an upgrade on my own.

“I did!” I kiss her lightly on the lips. “Well they actually offered it to me when I told them you were an police officer with the Toronto PD, and we were worried about getting you back in time for your shift.”

“I, uh, already emailed Frank and told him our flight was delayed, so he gave me the day off.” Gail says looking both guilty and slightly pleased with herself, knowing that I don’t have to be back at the morgue until Monday.

“Free food, seats that turn into beds, two movies, a fully stocked open bar; but hey, I could get us our old seats back if you want…” I tease.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” She laughs and smiles at me.

“So I guess this means you don’t want your old seat back?” I grin back at her.

“I guess we’re just going to have to suck it up and suffer through all the free champagne we can drink.” She replies, “Though if I recall correctly, that’s how we got into this trouble in the first place.” She winks at me.

“I think I may have said this before, but you really are insane. You know that, don’t you?” I tighten my arms around her.

She’s the one who leans in to kiss me this time, “And you wouldn’t want me any other way.” She says, still smiling as we pull apart.

“Not for a New York minute.” I reply, keeping one arm around her waist as we turn to watch our plane pull up to the gate in the fading light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments, PMs, tweets, and reviews!


	33. Obligations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly return from Paris and go to the Annual Police Merit Awards at Elaine's request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments, PMs, reviews and tweets!

“Really Holly? Do we have to? Can’t we just be sick, or something?” Gail is sitting in the middle of our bed, refusing to get dressed, like a petulant child.

“Come on Gail, your mother is trying..” I sigh.

“Yes, she is. She is very trying indeed.” Gail says in a rather disgruntled voice.

“She is making an effort.” I reply slowly, “The least you can do is get up and get dressed, so we can be only fashionably late.”

“You have no idea just how much I hate these things.” She whines

“Gail.” I say firmly, “I think I have every idea how much you hate these things, but I promised her we would come. Please don’t do this.”

“Since when did you start taking her side?” Gail pouts.

Sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, I sigh and stroke her hair gently. She does look miserable. I hate it that Elaine has the power to reduce Gail to an unhappy little girl at times without even trying. Reaching out to her I, place my other hand comfortingly on her bare thigh. She closes her eyes and leans into me.

I lean in pulling her close “I am always on your side.” I murmur into top of her head, “Look, I know official police events can be painful for you, but I promise I will be there with you the whole time. Besides, I doubt your mom will make a scene in public.”

“You don’t know her.” Gail groans. “I think I liked it better before she thought I had died, when she still disapproved of our relationship and was snubbing me…”

“Gail,” I say, trying to sound patient, and probably failing, “She loves you. She hasn’t seen you since we got back and she wants to hear about the conference and our trip. Look, we can just put in an appearance, have a few free drinks, and leave before the dinner. Ok?”

“She probably heard that the Commission on Human Trafficking offered me a position as an investigator and wants to know if I am going to be living up to my career expectations as a Peck.” She does nothing to hide the bitterness creeping into her voice. Her hands fidget with the edge of the soft, light blue wool blanket we brought back from England that now covers the foot of our bed. 

“I really don’t think that’s what this is about…” I try to comfort, but I know she could be right. 

“Really?!” She sits up, “And what is this with you and Elaine suddenly becoming best buds, Holly?” She glares at me, “If you’re so fucking close, Holly, why don’t you just go? I’m sure she’ll never miss me.” 

“Gail…” I start to say something, but she cuts me off.

“I’m sure things would have been peachy if her loser daughter had died in the line of duty, and she has gotten to keep you!”

She scoots to the edge of the bed. I am still trying to recover from the sting of her last barb, to swallow the lump in my throat, and blink back the pain blossoming behind my eyes, when Gail hops up. 

“In-fact, you know Holly, I’m sure she would have been much happier if you were actually her daughter instead.” She fires off, before stomping into the bathroom and locking herself in.

Shit. 

Well isn’t that just great.

 

Twenty minutes later I am sitting on the couch reading my book when she re-appears wearing a tiny dark red dress, black pumps with tall red heels and platforms, matching lipstick, almost too much charcoal eye-shadow, and an angry smile. 

“Come on Holly, you’re the one who wanted to go to this thing.” She calls over her shoulder as she strides past me toward the front door. “You wouldn’t want us to be late and embarrass my mommy, now would you?”

The front door slams. I put my book down with a sigh. This is a side of Gail I haven’t seen in a while. Although it usually isn’t aimed at me, I was hoping she was over this kind of reaction. I grab my clutch and follow her out to the car. 

“Come on Holly, we don’t have all day!” Gail barks, slamming the car into reverse as I get in, and go to fasten my seatbelt. 

“Gail, look…” I try again, touching her lightly on the arm.

“Don’t!” She shrugs my hand away wearing a steely expression, and throws the car into drive. 

I lean back into my seat closing my eyes. Removing my glasses I sigh and press my thumb and forefinger into my eyelids. It’s frustrating knowing I’m just going to have to wait for her to calm down before we can have any reasonable conversation.

As we pull up to the hotel where the annual Policemen’s Spring Merit Awards are being held I look over to see Gail gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and a tight thin-lipped frown. And then it hits me.

“Gail,” I say gently, “This doesn’t happen to be the place where…?”

“Mmm humm..” She grunts in response, her eyes never leaving the windshield.

“Gail,” I say softly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. We can just turn around and go home if you would like…”

“She did.” She says bleakly. 

“Come on Gail, let’s go home.” I place my hand gently on her arm again.

“No.” She cuts me off with a glare. “You told her we would be here, and it shouldn’t matter anyway, I’m a Peck.” She shrugs me off and gets out of the car. “Coming?” She hands her keys to the valet and strides off into the lobby, leaving me in the dust.

 

Elaine is standing in the middle of the ballroom looking downright regale in her royal blue strapless gown with matching wrap. She is surrounded by a number of high-ranking police and city officials, including Bill, and carrying on an animated monologue. Gail is nowhere in sight. An overwhelming sense of anxiety fills me as I look wildly around, but still no Gail. 

“Holly, darling…” Elaine purrs as she spots me standing in the doorway. “Come here and say hello!” She reaches out pulling me into a theatrical embrace and air-kissing me on each cheek. “You must meet Gail’s Godparents! And this,” She steers me by the waist, turning me toward the gathered group of men, “Is Dr. Holly Stewart, esteemed Forensic Pathologist with our very own Department of Forensic Science, and Gail’s Partner.”

“Uhm, hello!” I manage an awkward smile, “It’s a pleasure meeting all of you!”

“Now where is my darling daughter?” Elaine muses aloud, “I really hope she isn’t doing too many tequila shots at the bar.” She stage whispers into my ear while clutching my wrist.

“I think she just went to go hang our coats and freshen up.” I say somewhat unconvincingly. “Please excuse me…” I smile and break free of Elaine’s grip to hurry off and look for Gail.

“She’s quite pretty… I thought she would have been more masculine…” I overhear one older gentleman say to another.   
“Well Gail always was a tomboy, even as a little girl. You’ve seen the new haircut. Maybe she’s the man…” Comes the reply, as start I walk away.

Now I need a drink.

Gail is not in the little bar off the lobby, she’s not in the coatroom, she isn’t in the back stairwell, and she’s not in the ladies room by the ballroom where the event is being held. I notice a liquor store across the street through the big glass windows of the front entryway, and begin to worry. I’m about to exit the hotel when I see a stairway leading down to the hotel restaurant and bar. 

I find Gail sitting alone at the bar. She is perched on a barstool with legs crossed, talking to the bartender and gesturing with the drink in her hand. Dread hits me like cold water, I feel my stomach clench slightly. Her smile is too bright, her laugh is just a little too edgy and loud, her gestures bit too animated, I hope she isn’t too drunk to be reasonable! I approach cautiously, coming up to place my hand on her shoulder. 

“Hey.” I say quietly

“Hey.” She turns to greet me. Her eyes are luminous and soft, not at all what I expected. 

She puts down her drink and tugs at my hips with both hands, pulling me to her, leaning her forehead into my chest. I wrap my arms around her shoulders feeling a wave of relief that at least she isn’t angry with me anymore. The bartender busies himself at the other end of the bar. She looks up at me with wide, vulnerable, eyes that look so lost it breaks my heart a little.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” She whispers, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. Her chin digs into my sternum, but I don’t care.

I lean down to kiss her on the head. “What do you want to do?” I murmur into her hair. 

“This is where I started that under cover assignment, right here in this seat…” She says softly.

“Gail, I…” My heart is pounding in my throat, and my mouth is suddenly dry. “We don’t have to stay here. We can go…” I fight to keep the tremor from my voice.

“No, no. It’s ok.” She replies, “I just needed a minute, you know?” She reached over and downs her drink quickly. “We can go see my mother now.”

She seems oddly sober and calm.

“Why don’t we have drink and then go.” I say, suddenly not ready to go back upstairs.

She gestures for the bartender. “What do you want?” she asks.

“I don’t care. Whatever you’re having is fine.” I answer

“Okaaay.” She turns, “Jimmy, two more diet colas with lime please.” She smiles at the bartender.

“Oh, really?” I smirk at her.

“Yup” she says, popping the p, and hopping to her feet with her drink in hand. She slaps some money on the bar and hooks my free arm with hers.

“Shall we?” she arches her eyebrows and smiles sardonically at me.

 

Elaine is holding court by the bar when we enter the ballroom, Bill trailing dutifully behind. He catches Gail’s eye and winks at her as he lifts three glasses of champagne from a passing tray. He hands two of them to me as he leans over to embrace his daughter and kiss her cheek lightly. 

“How is one of my two favorite women in all the world?” He asks her with a smile, keeping her tucked under his arm. 

“Aw, Dad! Cut it out!” She says blushing and looking shyly at her feet.

He laughs and pulls her in to kiss the top of her head. 

“What am I twelve?” she squirms and pulls away.

“I’m sorry Holly,” he turns to address me, “I just don’t get to see enough of my beautiful daughter anymore…”

I can’t help but smile as I hand Gail a glass of champagne. He turns back to Gail, as he addresses her again.

“You may be all grown up, and an officer of the law, but you will always be my baby girl!” He muses.

“DAD!” Gail whines, “That’s enough!”

Gail opens her mouth to say something when Elaine sweeps into our midst.   
“Hello Gail! I’m so glad you finally decided to join us!” Elaine says, while leaning in to air kiss Gail’s cheek. “I understand you had quite the eventful trip. Your father and I have been waiting to hear all about it.”

“Hello Mother. Yes, Paris was as beautiful as I remembered.” Gail says with a fake smile and a cold voice.

“That’s lovely dear.” Elaine smiles coolly, “I understand that you made quite the impression and got an exciting offer in London! But I would expect no less. ”

I reach for Gail’s free hand in the hope giving her an anchor. She gives me a squeeze and pulls free. Bill winks at me, and retreats to join a group of men at the bar.

She narrows her eyes with a dangerously cold smile of her own, “Mother, I don’t know why you need my confirmation of events that you already seem to know everything about.” 

“Can’t a mother be proud of her daughter’s success? After all it is about time you started being more aware of living up to your potential.” Elaine shoots back. “Isn’t that right Holly?”

Oh no! I am not going to let Elaine drag me into the middle of this!

“Actually Elaine, I fully support whatever Gail wants to do, and I will be proud of her no matter what she decides.” I start to step in. I can feel Gail watching me, waiting for the carnage to begin.

“Really Holly, I wouldn’t let her procrastinate about accepting this opportunity until it slips through her fingers.” Elaine turns her attention to me.

“As you know Elaine, we are considering the implications for our future and we haven’t made any firm decisions yet.” I counter, narrowing my eyes slightly.

“I know you will do the right thing.” She smiles at me and then turns her attention back to Gail, “I am sure a successful doctor like Holly doesn’t expect to start a family with someone who has no ambition.”

“What?!” My eyes snap to hers as I feel the color rise in my face. 

Holy cow! I can’t believe she just said that! I’m not sure I even know how Gail feels about having children because there have been so many other things to contend with over the last few years. And I know I’m not going to allow Elaine to take control of that particular subject.

“Gail may have mentioned that by the time I was your age, Holly, I had already made Staff Sergeant, Bill was Sergeant Major, Gail was out of diapers, and Steve was in kindergarten.” She swivels her gaze back to me.

I feel Gail shift uncomfortably next to me but my eyes remain locked with Elaine’s steely blue ones.

“Mother! Don’t!” Gail snaps.

“Honestly Gail, “ Elaine purrs, shifting her attention to Gail, looking smug, “I don’t know why you get so worked up.” She reaches out to push Gail’s bangs out of her eyes, “You should be proud of yourself to have the Commission on Human Trafficking make you such a prestigious offer. It is high time you began seriously considering your options. As I’m sure Holly can explain the biology of your situation to you, neither of you is getting any younger.”

“You know what mother, this has been great, but both Holly and I have an early day tomorrow. So if you will excuse us…” Gail reaches for my hand as she leans over to kiss her mother on the cheek. “We really must be going.”

“But darling, you just got here.” Elaine begins to protest.

“Good night Mother. Come on Holly, let’s go.” Gail tugs at my hand as she starts to walk toward the exit.

“Very well, but I expect to see you both for dinner on Sunday at four.” Elaine calls after us.

Gail groans and rolls her eyes. She is walking so fast that we nearly run right into Steve and Traci on their way in the door.

“Hey sis! Where are you rushing off to?” Steve smiles at her.

“Hi Steve.” Gail moans. “Careful,” she turns to Traci, “Mother is concerned about not having any grandchildren carrying on the Peck family line.”

“Thanks for the warning!” Traci smiles fondly at her.

“Besides, you know how much I hate this place.” Gail admits looking somewhat wildly around her.

“Yeah, I was surprised that you showed up at all.” Steve replies with a concerned expression.

“It’s her fault.” Gail nudges me with her shoulder.

“Elaine ambushed me at the lab earlier this week. And she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I feel like I sort of got trapped into agreeing to it.” I say with no small amount of chagrin. “If I had realized where we were going I would have found a way out of coming here.”

“Why couldn’t you have been here to rescue us earlier?” Gail moans.

“Call me in a bit, and we’ll meet you at the Dumpling House in a hour or so.” Steve winks at her.

“Coward.” She mumbles, on her way out the door.

“I heard that! And, you betcha!” Traci laughs.

 

Our room is dark and quiet, but I can tell that Gail is not asleep. She has rolled over onto her side, facing the window and away from me. I reach out to gently touch her shoulder but she shrugs my hand away.

“I’m sorry Gail.” I move closer and whisper into the back of her neck.

She shivers and lets out a soft whimper.

“Gail, please…” I try again, “Please talk to me. I know you’re not sleeping.”

She rolls over into my arms. Her eyes are wide and full of unshed tears.

“What if she’s right Holly?” She whispers.

I sigh and pull her closer.

“You deserve someone who can give you everything! A family, with kids, and a dog, and a white picket fence… Someone with career goals and ambition… I mean, what if I can’t… what if I don’t know how…” She closes her eyes.

“Gail…” I sigh, as I watch her silent tears start to fall, “What if I don’t care about all of those things? What if just being with you makes me happy?”

She opens her eyes and looks at me for a long time. “Don’t you want kids, Holly? Don’t you want to get married, and have a family and all that?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it in some time.” I lean in to kiss her, “We’ve had a lot to deal with this past year.” I smile at her. “Why, do you? Want to have kids that is…”

“I don’t know. I used to be sure I didn’t ever want to bring another child into this crazy world. And now it just scares the crap outta me.” She sputters. “I mean, what if I’m a terrible mother? What if having kids turns me into my mother? What if we end up hating each other?”

“Fortunately, your mother doesn’t dictate what we do. We don’t need to make any of these decisions right now. There is no rush. ” I kiss her softly again, “I love you Babe, and I am sure that when the time is right we will be able to make these big life choices together.” 

She sighs and snuggles in closer.

“I love you too Holly…” She says with a yawn, as she closes her eyes and starts to drift off to sleep.


	34. Overtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long hours, stakeouts, covering for short staffed departments, staff meetings and scheduling conflicts, are seriously cutting into Holly and Gail's time together. Late one night they find themselves working a case together at Holly's lab.

It's late and I'm beyond tired when I hear the rustle of cloth and look up to find her standing in the doorway of my lab. Her eyes are intense, smoky blue grey, and I wonder how long she's been watching me. I have been concentrating so intently on the multiple stab wounds on the victim before me that I didn't hear her come in. Although she looks as tired as I feel, I get a rush of pure joy when I look up to see her unexpectedly standing there. I feel myself start to smile.

"Hey stranger! To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" I grin at her.

"Sam wants to know if there is an ID on the woman we found in the Queen St. dumpster this afternoon." She sighs and sags against the doorframe.

"Not yet. She doesn't match any local missing persons reports and her prints aren't in the system." I stand up stripping the purple gloves from my hands and throwing them in the trash.

"Cause of death?" She pushes off and swaggers into the room, giving my John Doe a wide birth.

"Nope. Although I am hoping to get the results of her tox-screen and DNA back soon." I answer.

We have been on opposite schedules for the past two weeks and both of us have been working double shifts and overtime due to an outbreak of the flu in our departments.

"Do you have to rush right back?" I take a step around the autopsy table towards her.

"Are you all covered in gross, germy, dead guy stuff?" she eyes me suspiciously.

"No." I feel my smile growing wider as I step closer.

"Are you sure?" She scuttles backwards with her hands held up defensively before her chest. "Cuz you were just, like, touching… that!" She points at the man on my exam table, narrowing her eyes, trying not to smirk.

She is such a brat!

"I was wearing gloves, if you hadn't noticed." I wriggle my fingers menacingly at her and continue to advance.

She evades me and scoots behind my desk, which is the worst strategy ever if she is trying not to have me catch her. Hasn't she learned anything from countless hours of gaming and watching The Walking Dead? She clutches the back of my desk chair, rolling it between us. Her eyes twinkle.

"I donno Holly, those were just covering your hands, what about the rest of you…" Her eyes run suggestively over my body.

"Well, given that I haven't actually started this autopsy yet, no additional gear was required." I laugh softly at her, "But if you think I'm too contaminated to be in close proximity to, I guess I could just eat my dinner alone." I arch my eyebrows playfully, turn and walk in the direction of the break room.

"Wait! You have food?" I hear her scramble from behind my desk. I knew that would get her attention. "You didn't say you had food!" She hurries after me.

"Uh huh…" I hum back at her without turning around. "I got the leftover catering from tonight's administrative meeting. But I thought you were in a hurry to get back to Sam with that report…" I tease as I pull a large tray of sushi from the fridge.

Earlier, there was fully catered budget meeting with upper level management and other city officials discussing, in part, the latest research grant I landed for our department. If we hadn't been so understaffed, I would have been there myself to present my proposal for equipment upgrades and one more staff tech position. But, my boss made sure to bring the good news of the acceptance of my proposals as well as all of the catering leftovers to me herself.

She looks at the sushi. She looks at me. "Sam who?" she replies with a grin.

"Why don't you take this to my non-germy office upstairs, while I put John Doe back in the cooler and get cleaned up." I smile at her.

"Don't you have to deal with him tonight?" she asks

"Not really, no." I shrug. "He isn't a top priority case. The guy who stabbed him is at Mercy General and has already plead guilty to murder in the second degree. I was only going over some preliminaries and cleaning up loose ends while I was waiting for your lab results. I won't do the full autopsy on him until tomorrow morning when my staff is on hand."

"Oh." She looks confused.

"I was actually hoping to get home and find a hot blonde chick in my bed at some point tonight…" I say, pursing my lips at her. "You wouldn't happen to know where I might find one of those, would you officer?"

She huffs and rolls her eyes at me.

"I'm never getting out of here…" She whines.

Just then her phone starts to buzz.

"Hey Sam," She answers, "No, no, not yet."

" Uh huh."

" Yeah, I can wait for it. Ok, see you then…"

She looks up at me, and smiles. "I have to wait around for those DNA results."

Ten minutes later, I enter my office to find Gail happily munching on a maki roll with her legs crossed and her feet up on the edge of my desk. I should be annoyed that her feet are on my desk, but I am just so happy to see her. She gets up to greet me as I close the door behind me.

"Hi." she says quietly, sliding around my desk and into my arms

"Hi." I whisper back.

I close my eyes as our foreheads touch and take a moment to breathe her in. I feel her body begin to relax and melt into mine as our lips connect and she threads her fingers through my hair.

"Mmm… I've missed you." She hums into my mouth.

"Me too!" I whisper. Our lips brush softly together.

I know we're still at work, but it is after midnight. I can't help but leaning in to kiss her again slow and soft and deep, letting my tongue glide across the surface of her lips and finally into her mouth. My eyes slide shut again as she pulls me in tighter sliding the hand that was resting on my waist up under my sweater. Her nails rake delicately down the sensitive skin of my back as we pull apart. It takes her a moment to look back up at me, naked longing still in her eyes. I know how she feels. All I want to do is touch her and fall asleep in her arms, but as I keep reminding myself, we are in my office.

"Holly," she moans as I step away from her body and help myself to a salmon hand roll, "I can't believe we haven't had a single day off together in over two weeks."

"I know Babe," I sigh, "but Eric called and said he might be feeling well enough to come back to work tomorrow, and Jen gets back from Vancouver on Monday. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon."

"I hate it!" She grumbles stepping forward to press her body into my back.

"Gail…" I start to complain half heartedly as she snakes a hand between us and begins to gently rub the inner contour of my ass. "Gail…"

I try to sound offended, but it comes out more like a hushed moan as my body betrays my need for her. I push back, into the sensation of her palm against me, my half eaten hand roll forgotten. Her touch is mesmerizing. Pulling back momentarily to release the buckle of her utility belt, she suddenly stops rubbing her hand between my legs. As it clatters to the floor, she's back, bending me slightly over my desk and pushing her pelvis against the curve of my butt, her hands working franticly at the buckle of my belt and the zipper of my jeans. I brace myself on my desk and push back, hungry to feel her body against mine.

"Fuck!" is all I can manage to I breathe out, as her fingers find their way beneath my clothes to caressing my wanting flesh. I feel her breath hitch, her lips against the back of my neck, and her whole body shake at her first dip into the wet heat she discovers. My hips rock abruptly back into her, seeking more contact. I gasp, she whimpers quietly in response.

"Gail…" I try again, twisting in her arms to face her. "I… we…" I pant, "We can't…" before she leans in to kiss me, harder, insistent.

Oh God! She's addictive! My head is spinning. Without thought, my fingers work at the buttons on her shirt. She tastes of every aching need I have ever felt. She starts to push me onto my desk and stops as a stack of paperwork hits the floor with a bang.

"Shit!" She laughs softly into my lips.

"Gail! We, we're in my office!" I try to sound stern but end up laughing too.

"Come on Holly! It's after midnight! We have got to be the only ones here!" She smirks while pushing me down into my desk chair and easing my pants down around my ankles.

She does have a point. There is an inferno raging in my head and between my legs. I must have her! I unzip her pants as well before pulling her down to straddle my right thigh, the fabric of her uniform rough against my naked skin. My hips buck, and her mouth on mine muffles the moan that escapes as her fingers find my clit again. Sliding my hands down the back of her pants to find intoxicating bare skin. I pull her in tighter, my fingers digging into her butt. Our bodies rock and strain together to the rhythm of her fingers. Desperately holding on, we franticly breathe the same air, our faces touching. And then I hear it.

"Gail!" I hiss at her as I freeze in motion.

"Oh shit!" Her eyes fly open, suddenly becoming wide and round.

Yes, that was definitely the sound of footsteps in the hallway getting rapidly closer.

I pull my hands out of her pants and unceremoniously shove her by her shoulders under my desk as the footsteps stop outside my office. Gail's utility belt scrapes across the floor to disappear under my desk as well. The door to my outer office and physical evidence file room opens. The footsteps quickly cross to my office door and knock before the door swings open.

Holy Shit!

"Um, uh, hi Elaine! What are you doing here?" I ask the woman leaning against my door jam.

Gail starts to shake with silent laughter. I reach down to pinch her ear, hard.

"Oh Holly, I see that you're eating. Don't get up." She smiles at me.

My pants are around my ankles and Gail is clinging to my shins, I have no intention of trying to get up.

"The head of your department, Jane, and I were just having a post meeting drink and we were wondering if you would like to join us." Elaine continues.

"Thank you Elaine." I reply, swatting lightly at Gail's head as she bites my leg. "But I'm still working on the Queen St. dumpster case. The detectives need my report as soon as it's ready." I am going to kill her!

"I see. Well maybe next time." she replies. "Oh. Has my daughter been here? I understand she has been working on that case."

Gail laughs harder into my thigh. She really is a dead woman if we survive this. I dig my fingers into her shoulder hard enough to leave a mark and let go.

"She was here a while ago, and I think she may be back for my report." I answer, hoping that I sound convincing.

"Holly dear, are you ok? You seem rather flushed, and not quite yourself." Elaine narrows her eyes at me and takes a step forward into my office.

Oh God! We're all going to die! Gail clutches my shins tighter, her whole body convulsing with laughter. Now, she is sucking on my inner thigh in an attempt to remain silent. Not helping!

"You know, Elaine, I haven't been feeling all that well for the past few hours. I hope I'm not coming down with that flu that has been making the rounds." I say as smoothly as I can muster. "Thank you for asking."

"Oh." She takes a hasty step back at this, and I remember that Elaine is perhaps even more germ phobic than Gail. "Well, I won't keep you then. And if you do see my daughter, tell her to call me!" She backs away quickly.

"I'll be sure to let her know." I call after her retreating form. "Good night Elaine!"

She turns and gives me a little wave over her shoulder as she disappears into the hall. I hold my breath until I no longer hear her footsteps ringing against the hard tile floor, and then I push back my chair to allow Gail to emerge from her hiding place. Her eyes are bright, her cheeks are wet, she staggers to her feet sucking in a large gulp of air and dissolving again into uncontrollable laughter.

"You!" I huff at Gail while pulling up my pants and trying to look indignant, "You owe me big time for this one!"

"Uh huh." She snickers, while buttoning up her shirt. "Oh God!" She clutches her chest trying to catch her breath, "I almost had a heart attack! What was she doing here anyway?"

"I warned you that there was an interdepartmental budgetary meeting tonight." I say while twitching my sweater back into place.

"Jesus Holly!" She breathes while sagging against my desk, still smirking.

Just then my computer chimes, to tell me that the lab results we are waiting for are in. I pull them from my printer and scan them quickly. Sure enough, I find levels of Rohypnol and GHB in her tissue samples that are each elevated enough to kill someone. I hand the report off to Gail with a sour look on my face. She looks at it, and then back up at me.

"What does this mean Holly?" She asks, with a sudden look of concern.

"I'm afraid your night club rapist is back." I sigh. "And whoever did this either knows their chemistry, or has access to someone who does. The GHB in her system is far too clean to have been cooked up in a back kitchen somewhere."

"Good to know." She replies.

"Listen," I say adjusting my glasses, which I'm sure have been askew since we were fooling around in my desk chair, "You should take that report and get out of here before Jane comes down to check on the state of my health." I arch my eyebrows suggestively at her.

"Yeah, you're probably right.." She smiles back at me.

"You should take some of that sushi with you if you're still hungry and I'll bring the rest home after I finish up here." My lips twitch in a knowing smile.

"Holly, I'm always hungry." She says, trying to look serious, and failing.

I hand her a covered container of Alligator Maki and Spicy Tuna Rolls. "If you hurry, I might even be up, and let you finish what you started when you get home."

"Oh really?!" Her eyes darken dangerously.

"Umm humm…" I hum at her, as I see the effect my words have had.

She leans in, her face just inches from mine, "Well what are you waiting for Holly? Hurry up! Clean up this mess!"

She spins on her heal and swaggers toward the door.

"You know I'm going to make you pay for that when you get home, officer!" I step forward and smack her on the butt as she goes by.

"Oh Holly, I'm counting on it! But you know that." She shoots back over her shoulder with a wink. And she's gone into the night.


	35. The Darkest Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail has a crappy day when the temperature in the city rises and tempers flair.

I hate being alone in the dark. In fact, as much as I crave independence I hate being alone for too long. It’s my dirty little secret not even Holly knows, although if I told her she would probably smile, say something comforting, and look right through me like she always knew. And maybe she does. I wish that things were different, that we hadn’t fought, that I could learn for once in my life not to fly off the handle first and think about it later. We rarely fight, and even more rarely do we disagree about anything important. The stupid part is that this could have been so simple if I didn’t hear my mother’s voice in my head whispering about all of my failures in life.

The heat of summer hit the city like a brick wall. Tempers rose along with the escalating temperatures, and rolling blackouts that were keeping the TPD on high alert. Chris and I were riding together in a cruiser whose attempt at air conditioning was pitiful at best. By the time we arrived on the scene of the double domestic homicide, my nasty polyester uniform and Kevlar vest were creating my own personal sauna, making my whole body sweat and itch. The forensic team was on the scene, already at work. The man lay on the front steps of the split level ranch wearing nothing but a pair of plaid boxer shorts, an ankle holster and sandals with black socks, holding the gaping knife wound in his side, and his pistol still clutched in his other hand. The woman was on the floor of the kitchen where the argument apparently began. The portable battery operated lights set up to illuminate the scene, were making it even hotter if that were even possible. Holly stood in the middle of it all, looking maddeningly cool and put together in her black linen slacks with her hair tucked up in a slick little bun at the nape of her neck. 

“Hey Lunchbox! What have you got for us today?” I called to her with a smirk, walking closer.

“Well Officer,” She looked up smiling back at me, “It seems that this lovely couple began to fight over the use of the refrigerator when the power went out. Our evidence points to him throwing beer bottles at her when she stabbed him with this kitchen knife.” She held up the nine-inch bloody chef’s knife in its evidence bag. “And then he shot her before making his way to the front door as he bled out. The neighbors called it in when they heard the shots fired”

“Nice.” I grumbled. “I hate people.”

“Hey! Careful!” Holly reached out to grab our newest rookie by the arm before he could walk directly through the trail of blood leading from the kitchen to the front door and contaminate the crime scene.

“See what I mean…” I said pointing to him.

Holly snorted back a laugh and smirked at me.

I was just about to give him a piece of my mind when I heard Traci calling softly for me. 

“Gail!” She called again, “I need you to get over here! There is something you should see…”

That sinking feeling began in my gut as I followed her voice around the corner to a closet under the stairs leading down to the basement. The eyes looking out from the steel dog cage were dark and wild; her hair was long, reddish blonde and matted to her head. My heart beat loudly in my throat as I knelt down to speak to her. The girl looked terrified and backed away, pressing herself into the farthest corner of the cage blinking in the light of Traci’s torch. I looked up at Traci and wondered what to say.

“I don’t think she speaks much English.” Traci said quietly with those dark motherly eyes she gets, “I sent Chris to get some bolt cutters to cut the lock. Do you think you can talk to her?”

I nodded and looked back at the girl.

“Can you get her some water or something cold to drink?” I asked Traci, wishing for an ice-cold beer or something stronger myself.

“Ok.” Traci gave me another look. “CPS should be here soon too.”

“Great.” I muttered, “I’m going to need to call Yuri as soon as possible.” I stated as firmly as I could manage around the embarrassing lump that was forming in my throat.

Although I had not officially accepted a position with the International Commission on Human Trafficking, I have been acting as the liaison between Ontario Law Enforcement agencies, the ICHT, and other cross border law enforcement agencies from around the world.

“I thought you might.” Traci knelt down beside me.

The girl in the corner whimpered.

“Quel est votre nom?” I began in French.

She shook her head 

I asked for her name again in German, and finally in Russian.

“Ivona”, Came the barely audible whisper. 

The bright eyes closed as the girl hid her face in her arms.

“Ok Ivona, we’re gonna get you out of here soon!” I replied in what I hoped was a soothing voice. 

Just then Chris appeared with bolt cutters and two cold bottles of water. Ivona shrank even farther back in fear.

“Here you go Gail!” He said handing me the water. “CPS and an ambulance are on their way. They should be here soon.”

“Thanks Chris!” I stood back as he cut the lock.

The medics arrived moments later to take Ivona to the hospital. I motioned for them to wait for me as I found Holly inspecting the woman’s body in the kitchen. She got up and stepped into the back hall with me for a moment.

“Hi.” I said looking around briefly before taking her into my arms. “Sorry, I’m all sweaty.”

“Hi.” She replied, kissing me quickly on the lips. “Mmmm… you taste good anyway…”

I laughed quietly and shook my head in disbelief.

“As you know, we found a girl being held captive under the stairs, and I need to go with her to the hospital.” I said softly.

“Ok…” Holly leaned her amazingly cool forehead against my damp, sweaty one.

Our schedules had been conflicting for over a week, and tonight would be our first evening off together in some time. 

“I miss you.” I whispered, “I’ll try not to come home too late.”

“I miss you too!” She whispered back “I’ll be waiting.” 

She kissed me quickly again and slapped me lightly on the butt as I turned to go.

 

It had been a grueling day and all I wanted to do was to drink and forget, but watching a movie in our cool, dark livingroom with Holly was the next best thing. Maybe if I was lucky, she would take all of my attention in the best possible way and I would actually be able to sleep tonight. Our Chinese take out had just arrived when Yuri called me back from Prague. As I told him about finding Ivona, Holly began to fidget. When he asked me if I could meet him in Vienna in a week to help set up an international task force, Holly got up suddenly and left the room.

She was on the back deck looking out over the trees when I found her. Her arms were braced on the railing, her head hanging between them with her hair falling down around her face. 

“Holly?” I said softly, creeping up behind her.

“Mmm hum…” She answered without turning around.

“What’s up Holly? Are you ok?” I asked, standing there awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do.

“Of course.” She answered after a moment.

She stood up and adjusted her glasses before turning to face me. 

“Of course I am.” She said again, and smiled tentatively but wouldn’t look directly at me.

“So… do you want to come inside and watch this movie with me?” I was beginning to feel something like nervous friction blossoming in my chest. “Or… we could just watch an episode of Doctor Who…?”

She sighed heavily, adjusted her glasses again and sagged a little, “You know Gail, it’s been a long day. I think I’m just going to go to bed.”

She turned and walked inside without another word.

“Okay…” I said to no one.

 

Ivona was sitting at my desk when I arrived at the station the following morning, sipping tea and happily chatting with Chloe in Romanian. Sometimes I forget that Chloe speaks more languages than I do. Ivona looked much better today after spending the night at the hospital and getting some clean clothes, and a shower. I don’t speak Romanian, but I can understand quite a bit of it being a romance language and all. I can’t believe they are talking about that stupid movie Frozen! Ugh! If Chloe bursts into song I swear I’m going to barf. What is she five? 

“Hey Princess! Why are you in my chair?” I frowned at her.

Chloe got up out of my chair saying something to Ivona about my being a grouch.

“I heard that!” I scowled at her, making Ivona giggle. “Yeah, thanks a lot.”

I shot Chloe the look of death and rolled my eyes at her again. 

As it turned out Ivona is older than she looks. I felt my gut clench and a white-hot rage begin to flow through my veins as she began to tell her full story.  
She is seventeen years old from Sibiu, Romania, and she has been in Toronto for almost three months. Hospital records show that she is also now eight weeks pregnant. When her father was killed in a factory accident, her uncle sent her to the United States with a man who said she would be employed as a nanny while going to school. After arriving in Detroit and being subjected to a number of medical tests and examinations, she was sold to a couple in Toronto. Soon it became clear that she was to become impregnated by the man and bear their child. 

As we questioned her further, she was sad because didn’t know the answers to many of our questions. It seems that she spent most of her time here held in a cage, where she was let out three times a day to use the restroom, bathe, and exercise under supervision, however; she has been taken to a private clinic to see a doctor several times. Having been shuttled back and forth in the trunk of her captor’s car she couldn’t remember many details of her visits, but she knew she could see a large, red brick building and hear seagulls from the parking garage of the cement block building where the clinic was. At least that was something.

Although she was medically inseminated and not simply raped, it made me want to cry just the same. As she described being shackled to a gurney and having medical procedures done to her, I could feel all of my blood drain from my body. There have been worse cases, and I know I’ve seen and heard worse stories, but the room suddenly became too hot and the walls started closing in. Chloe looked up sharply with concern in her big brown eyes. I stood up abruptly with the weak excuse of calling Yuri and made a dash for the women’s locker room, barely making it in time before emptying the contents of my stomach out into a toilet and leaning my aching head against the cool metal of the stall. I sat for a moment, shaking and sweating, fighting the urge to crumple into a ball on the floor as silent tears ran down my face. 

Get it together Gail! You’re a police officer for Christ’s sake!

Finally, I pulled myself up, staggered to the sink to splash cold water on my face, and shut my eyes against the torrent in my head. Cold, sharp, phantom footsteps of wingtip shoes on wooden stairs and hard cement floors echoed, coming closer, I pushed them back with a snarl. Looking up into the mirror, I found Traci leaning against the door jam, watching me with big, soft eyes.

“What.” I practically spat at her.

“You know Gail,” She began softly, “It’s alright if you need someone else to take this one.”

“I’m fine!” I said with somewhat more force than I intended.

“Gail…” She gave me that don’t bullshit me motherly look.

I sighed and turned to face her. “I don’t know Traci. I’m not some pathetic little girl who can’t handle herself.”

“Gail…” She said again, taking a step forward with her hands outstretched like approaching a wild animal, “Nobody here thinks that you are.”

“How do you know that Traci?” I just stared at her.

“Because I do. I’m your friend, Gail. And I’ve watched you open up and change into the person you are today.” She smiled at me. “I know you’ve been through some terrible things in the past few years. But having those experiences gives you the insight and compassion that makes you a better cop.” 

I sighed again and stood up straighter, “You know why I have to do this, don’t you.”

“Alright,” She smiled at me again, “Now why don’t you go call Yuri and start tracking down Ivona’s uncle, while I take Chloe and Ivona for a ride to see if we can’t find that fake clinic.”

 

Holly was banging pots and pans around the kitchen when I got home, not really doing anything but going through the motions of cleaning up an imaginary mess, and making a whole lot of noise. All I wanted to do was drag her into the peace and quiet our room and curl up into the safety of her arms, but I could see that she was far too agitated for that.

“Hey…” I said softly, dropping my bag onto one of the chairs at our kitchen counter. 

She whorled around to scowl at me, water flying from the tea kettle in her hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She accused.

“Ok… tell you what?” I replied cautiously, honestly not knowing what she was talking about.

“Come on Gail! Don’t play all innocent with me.” She countered, “I know you are about to go running off on some crazy international undercover mission to God-knows-where for some crazy indeterminate amount of time, and you didn’t even have the guts to mention it to me.”

“Whoa! Holly…” I took a step closer, trying to calm the impending storm.

“No! No, not this time!” She raved on in a very unHolly-like way, “You, you can’t just disappear for months… again and expect… NO!... I know you hate confrontation, but you can’t lie to me about these things and hope it will all be ok! Do I really mean that little to you…?” She slammed the kettle down on the stove making the burner grids jump and clatter.

I stood there in shock, just looking at her, not knowing what to say.

“You never think do you! You just go ahead and put yourself in harms way… And yes, I know you’re a fucking Police Officer Gail! But…” She threw the kettle across the room where it bounced off the stonework of the back of our fireplace with a bang. She glared at me with unshed tears in her eyes.

I could feel the hurt and anger building in my head, making me see red and lash back out at her before I could stop myself.

“Is that what you think Holly? After all this time? You think I’m a thoughtless, lying, selfish bitch?” I said in a deadly, calm voice. “Because if that’s what you think, I don’t even know why you’re still here. I never thought you would be just like all the rest of them, but you are, aren’t you.”

I could see the anger leave her eyes as the color drained from her face. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop when all I wanted to do was to take her in my arms and tell each other we would be ok.

“I don’t need this shit Holly. Not from you. If that’s really what you think, I think you should just go.” I glared at her.

“Gail…” Her lower lip trembled as she adjusted her glasses and took a tentative step toward me.

“You know what?” I raged on, “It’s your house too. So I’ll make it easy for you!”

I picked up my bag and stormed out the door without looking back even though I could feel myself crumbling inside.

I drove without thinking out to the lake. The sun was setting as I dropped down onto the hot sand and sat there, knees tucked under my chin until it was too dark to see. When I returned home, the power was out again, and she was gone. I tried to call but her phone went straight to voicemail, so I pulled a cold beer out of our refrigerator and waited. As sat in the sweltering darkness I realized it was impossible to drink or even breathe with the giant elephant that had suddenly taken up residence on my chest.


	36. Savage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traci finds Holly hiding out at the morgue after having a fight with Gail.

Footsteps echo off the linoleum floors and hard metal surfaces of my lab. I look up to find Traci standing in my doorway holding a folder, with a bemused expression on her face.

“Holly. Hey. What are you doing here?” She asks, coming in to set the folder on my desk. 

“Well this does happen to be my office…” I smile up at her.

She shoots me the very same “don’t give me any of that nonsense” look I’ve seen her use on both Leo and Gail.

“It is well after midnight. I could ask the same of you.” I say attempting to deflect.

“Ok, well, I am trying to clear that double domestic homicide and human trafficking case off my desk so I can hand that girl, Ivona, the one we found, off to CPS as quickly as possible, because I promised my son that I would spend the next three days, with him. And Steve said that he would take us out to breakfast and then to the arcade to play laser tag. So I thought I would come down here and drop off the witness statements and additional evidence myself, on my way home.” She looks sharply at me, “What’s your excuse? I thought you and Gail had the night off together. In fact, I’m pretty sure that Steve will be calling you in the morning to see if you can get Gail out of bed, so you guys can come with us.”

I sigh and swivel in my chair to face her.

“Gail doesn’t want to see me right now.” I say shaking my head sadly. 

“I sincerely doubt that.” Traci gives me knowing look.

“We a fight, so I thought I’d come here and try to get something useful done where at least I can be cool while we both cool off.” I sighed again heavily and felt my shoulders sag a little.

“You know Holly, when Gail is hurting she has the tendency to simply lash out.” Traci looks at me with wide sympathetic eyes.

“I know. And I shouldn’t have freaked out at her.” I shift my gaze to my hands. My fingers play mindlessly with the arm of my chair. “It’s just after everything that’s happened this year, I can’t stand the thought of her disappearing on an other under cover mission. You know, putting herself in danger for God knows how long.” 

“Wait. Wait. What?!” She says.

I look up to find Traci looking concerned.

“Gail never said anything about going away again. She was freaking out pretty badly after hearing Ivona’s story. She hates to admit it, but I know the whole abduction thing still affects her. She was having such a hard time, Oliver and I sent her home.” She continued.

“She was? She did? You did?” I could feel my heart sinking in my chest. 

“Yeah. Isn’t that what you were fighting about?” Traci cocks her head inquisitively.

“No, not exactly. Listen, I need to go home!” I say, springing from my chair.

“You’re welcome... Any time…” I hear Traci grumble as I practically sprint past her.

 

With the exception of the occasional lantern the city is dark and strangely quiet as I make my way home. I can hear the sound of laughter as I turn the corner into our neighborhood. Someone has opened up a fireplug. Both children and adults dance in its cooling spray in the flickering light of torches set in front yards to illuminate the scene. As I stop at the intersection of our street, kids dart through the headlights of my car, chasing each other, playing cops and robbers with water guns. I smile and wave as they pass by wondering what Gail is doing right now. Thunder rumbles softly in the distance promising rain, and with any luck, a break from this heat wave.

The house is dark and quiet too. Setting my keys on the table in the front hall I find an electric lantern and click it on as I kick off my shoes. Carrying it with me, I make my way into the silent cavern of our dimly lit living room. There are more electric lanterns lit on the mantle and candles burning in the fireplace. The air is thick and oppressive. I am beginning to worry about where she is, when I see her standing on our back deck looking out over the yard at the trees. There is something about the way she is holding herself that makes me want to cry.

“Gail…?” I call her name quietly stepping through the sliding glass doors, but get no response.

“Gail, “ I say, softly stepping up to stand beside her, “Traci found me at the lab. She told me about… you were having a bad day.”

Her face could be made of marble as she keeps staring out into the distance. The air is so still I can feel the weight of the sky bearing down on us.

“I’m sorry. “ I say quietly, “After all that we’ve been through, I get so afraid of losing you sometimes. You have no idea how helpless it made me feel when you were missing and then when I thought you were dead…” I let my voice trail off, the overwhelming rising tide of feelings threatening to drown me. Inhaling deeply, my breath catches in my chest. I try to hold it back, but it all comes out in a heated rush, “I get so frustrated when I think you could be far away on a dangerous case and there is nothing I can do. I’m not angry with you Gail, even though it came out that way... I never was.”

We stand there for a while. I can feel the pressure building behind my eyes as heat prickles on my skin. 

“It could have been me.” She finally says in a barely audible voice.

I hold my breath and wait for her to continue. A cool breeze ruffles her hair and the thunder rumbles closer, lightning flashes orange in distant clouds.

“To be helpless and alone while some psycho does science experiments…” She licks her lips, “She has never even had a boyfriend, and now she’s pregnant with the child of a guy she hates…”

I hear her voice break just a little. 

“Oh honey…” I reach out to touch her arm, but she pulls away.

“She was supposed to have come here for a better life.” Unshed diamond tears sparkle in her eyes, but don’t fall.

“You tell me Holly, what am I supposed to do with that?” She turns to face me now. Her eyes are like stone, giving nothing away. “And then you freak out about me going to Prague to do my job. I would never try to stop you from doing you your job, Holly.”

“I didn’t want to stop you from doing your job. I know how much it means to you, and I want more than anything for you to succeed!” I feel my shoulders sag a little as I say this.

“But…” Gail says, giving me a hard look.

“Ok, well…” I can feel my heart speed up and the pressure building behind my eyes, “How would you feel if I were to go undercover and go away for months at a time without you knowing anything except I might be in danger?” I can feel myself starting to word-vomit, as I tend to do when I am upset, “I mean, you hated it when I went to that conference in Vancouver last month over a long weekend…”

“That was different!” She says sharply.

“You’re right. That was different. You knew exactly where I was, and what I was doing. I didn’t have to make life or death decisions that put me in an intimate relationship with someone else!” I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I couldn’t stop myself.   
“Thanks Holly! I thought you said that that didn’t matter. That you were just glad I came home alive!” Her tone was harsh, but her eyes glimmered with a wounded vulnerability.

“Look. I love you and I don’t want to fight anymore. But you need to see that this year has taken a toll on both of us.” I can feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I look away because I can’t say this and look at her. “I just need some time for things to be normal. I love you so much, but there are times that I’m not sure that that’s enough.”

Thunder rumbles closer and a cool breeze begins to pick up. 

“Please,” She says in a tiny voice that breaks my heart, “Please Holly, I need you.” 

I feel her reach out and tug at my hand. I still can’t look at her. She edges closer, touching my waist with soft tentative fingertips. Her cheek comes to rest on my bare shoulder and I realize that she must be crying.

“Oh honey,” I sigh, turning to cup her chin in my hands.

Lightning flashes overhead, illuminating the despair written in her eyes for one indelible second. Fat, cool raindrops fall, but all I can hear is the beating of my own heart. The sky opens up. Our lips meet in a desperate searing kiss, mixing our tears with pure clear, soothing rain. Our tongues battle, our teeth clash as we are magnetically drawn together. Rough hands force my tank top and bra up over my head, tearing my glasses from my face at the same time. I don’t care! I am too busy unbuttoning her shorts and peeling them down her legs, as she removes her own shirt. My slacks are undone with such force, I ‘m surprised they don’t rip in the process. I pull her back to me, slamming our bodies and our lips back together as I part her legs and thrust two fingers directly inside of her. Her knees buckle with a strangled cry. She wraps one leg around my waist giving me greater access, allowing a third finger to slip inside as she thrust insistently against the heel of my hand. Biting me hard on the neck, she pulls back just long enough to push me to the ground and mount me again. Splitting me open with her fingers, I fell a cry of my own ripped from somewhere deep inside. Our bodies slide frenziedly against each other. There is nothing sweet, or gentle about our passion, only burning, aching fire so sharp and hot not even the cold rain can quench it. She is panting hard now, riding my thigh and my fingers. Thrusting hard into me with fingers of her own, she whimpers loudly, and untamed sounds escape her throat. She leans forward to bite my nipple and muffle her feral scream as she cums. I strain harder, not quite there yet. Her eyes glitter wildly as she makes her way down my body to thrust her savage, insistent tongue between my legs. She roughly splays my legs wider apart, giving herself more room to slip more fingers inside of me. I can feel all of the tension of the past building to a crescendo as she finally fills me with her entire hand, while baring down hard on my clit with her tongue. My entire world implodes again and again in wave after wave, tearing me apart and somehow putting me back together. There is nothing but her, her eyes, her lips, her skin, as she gently pulls her hand away and holds me, my body sharply cumming again as she runs gentle fingers softly between my legs.

“Gail…” I finally manage to catch my breath and whisper. Pulling her on top of me, I hold on tight as she clings to me. 

“Please Holly, I… I can’t lose you!” She murmurs into my neck. 

“I love you.” I say, kissing her with tender care this time. 

The torrent of rain has let up some, but drizzle still mists the air. I realize not only are we both cold and shivering, but the power has come back on.

I roll her off of me and sit up. 

“Come on Gail, help me find my glasses so we can go inside and take this to bed.” I smile at her.

“Ok.” She reaches over to squeeze my hand.

This may be far from everything, but I feel like it’s maybe, at the very least a promise that we can move forward together..


	37. A New Day

Grey. Wrapped in a shroud of ethereal cotton that muffles the sounds of morning and mutes the vibrance of the day to a monochrome stasis, the world is grey. Grey moisture drips like slow permeating peace from our eves and fills our room with a humid sweet smelling calm that clings to my skin. I awake to the blue-grey of early morning, like the blue of her eyes, but I am naked and alone on deliciously cool sheets absorbing the soft grey mist that drifts past our open bedroom window. Last night we made love in a lightning storm as the heat wave broke and electricity danced across our skin. Contained in our own circuit, we stumbled to our bed, wet and slick with necessity, and melancholy, and rain. Where within that moment we made love again more carefully this time. Each caress, each look, each touch a promise and a prayer that we might survive this. And I know I have to let her go, lest the planetary forces spinning out of our control destroy us.

I stretch and yawn, lazy with the sleep-filled head of morning and the murmur of soft rain upon our roof. I love the simplicity of the pull and strain on the long muscles of my body from the ends of my fingers to the tips of my toes, stretched out like a bow the instant before the release of the arrow, that then gives way to lying limp and languid beneath cool sheets on a mountain of soft pillows. And there she is, leaning in the doorway watching me for just a moment longer than necessary, coffee clutched in her hands. I taste it pleasantly on her mouth before she hands me a cup of my own.

“Hey,” She says, nuzzling my ear sweetly as she sits on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked under her, one hand on my sternum. “Good morning Holly.”

Her eyes are a darker blue grey of morning sky, substantial, brooding.

“Hi.” I scoot back to sit up more, and push over making room. 

She gets up to place her mug on the bedside table and drops her cut-off sweats to the floor before climbing back into bed. I sip my coffee cautiously before placing it beside hers and pulling her into my arms. She cuddles in closer, her spiky brush of wild, still sleep tousled hair tickling my nose and my chin as she burrows into my chest and hides herself in my hair like a small animal or a child.

“I know this is stupid, but things have been weird since we’ve been back, and I know you’ve been right here, but I’ve missed you.” She murmurs in a voice so soft I can barely make out her words. “So much!”

I sigh because I know exactly what she means. Today is a rare gift, a day where we are both off duty at the same time, with nothing to do and nowhere to be. 

Things have been crazy and tense since we came home from the conference in London and our time in Paris. It has been almost three months and I know the pressure she is feeling, not only from The International Commission on Human Trafficking, but from her mother as well. For her to make a decision is enormous. It looms in the shadows and stalks her our every waking moment, even in broad daylight. While Elaine would love the prestige of having Gail work for the ICHT, she has done everything in her power to keep Gail here with the Toronto PD. The liaison position to international law enforcement Gail is unofficially inhabiting right now is a creation of Elaine’s aimed at doing just that. Between that and her regular duties, we have had scarce little time to simply just be together. And still there is the fall-out of everything else that has happened this past year alone. What we need is the luxury of time, something I’m not sure we will be afforded.

“Gail,” I bring my hands up to cup her chin and raise her eyes to mine, “Gail look at me.” I whisper.

As she looks up the ominous dark blue grey of earlier has shifted to deep blue thunderheads like last night’s storm.

“I just love you so…” I capture her lips in mine again. I mean to tell her that she should go to Europe, I mean to say it will be alright, I mean to force her to follow her dreams, but looking into her eyes all I can say is, “No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always love you.”

Her hands come up to skim my jaw, holding my face like I am the most precious thing on earth. “I love you too.” She says, her voice hushed, her eyes trusting. “Why does that sound like you are trying to say goodbye?”

“I’m not.” I promise, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. She leans into me and puts her head on my shoulder. 

“Ok.” She replies and I can hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“Never goodbye.” I whisper. 

“Ok.” She says again, looking up at me through her eyelashes.

I sigh, “It’s just I know how much this job with the Commission would mean to you, to be able to be your own person without the expectations or added pressure of being a Peck. You did that while you were undercover, and in spite of whatever strain it put on us, I need you to know, I am so very proud of you Gail!” 

Her arms wrap around me as she pushes her face deeper into my neck. She makes a little noise that could be a whimper as she holds me tighter still. I draw mindless patterns on her back and in her hair, wishing we could be like this forever.

“Come with me?” She breathes, so softly I barely hear it.

“I already said I would.” I whisper into her hair. “As long as you are sure…” 

“I can’t… I don’t… I…” She stutters to a halt, closes her eyes briefly and continues, “I just want to spend the rest of my life with you.” She sighs, “And I can’t promise it will be easy, and I don’t know where life will take us, but I do know that I never want to be apart from you for an extended time with no contact ever again!”

“Ok.” I state a little bit more bravely, “So… Europe then.”

“Listen,” She says, looking into my eyes now, “Why don’t I talk with Yuri and Tatianna when I get to Prague, and find out exactly what the position they are offering is, and then we can decide from there.”

“Gail, you know this is huge.” I can’t help but smile at her.

“I know.” She smiles back, “But somehow you have forced me to become a better person. And I know, together we can do anything!”


End file.
